The front office of the minor league St. Paul Saints definitely has a sense of humor and I like that in a baseball organization. Too often baseball brass comes off as overly conservative and deftly bland in their everyday business of running a ballclub, getting fans to the park and making a playoff push. But we are US Americans, and there really should be no limit to our creativity, especially when it comes to special promotions.
And that is where the Saints have definitely gone well beyond Bill Veeck’s “Disco Demoliton Night” when they gave away Larry Craig Bobblefeet to the first 2500 fans who came for the May 25 game against the Fort Worth Cats. According to The Smoking Gun:
“…the polyresin giveaway depicts an occupied bathroom stall (the
inhabitant’s pants and shoes can be seen below the stall’s panels).
When the St. Paul Saints’s “bobblefoot” is shaken, one of the
spring-loaded feet taps.”
Ah, the infamous foot tapping for sex in an airport men’s room of Republican Larry Craig. These classic reports of prominent US American leaders finding themselves in a world of scandal never get old do they? And heck, if it will get people to the ballpark, why not promote the hell out of it!
In the wake of this paradigm shift for baseball front offices I have proposed three other promotional bobble packages for MLB:
Senator John L. Burton BobbleHand Night at San Francisco’s AT&T Park:
In lieu of allegations that former Sen. Burton made sexually charged comments while miming a lewd masturbatory act with his hand at a female aid, the Giants will be giving out these BobbleHands to celebrate the pride of California politics.
Governor Elliot Spitzer BobbleCallgirl Night at Washington D.C.’s Nationals Park:
After admitting to having a problem with paying for sexual services, Gov. Spitzer and his wild times will be celebrated in the district where he got caught, much to the chagrin of Washington Nationals fans who, let’s face it, really have nothing else to be excited about. *Note: This BobbleCallgirl does more than just bobble.
Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick BobbleText Night at Detroit’s Comerica Park:
As if Mayor Kilpatrick couldn’t get himself in any more trouble, this whole extramarital affair with a female aid came into focus once the Detroit Free Press reported more than 14,000 lewd text messages between the two using city funded cell phones. Nevermind the lewdness. Who in their right mind would ever write 14,000 text messages!?! Call her next time, Kwame! In any case, to celebrate this timely scandal and to get fans’ minds off the fact that their underachieving Tigers are really bad this year, the Tigers will be offering these BobbleText replicas of cell phones that bobble back and forth. Special attention was made so that each fans’ BobbleText is unique and extremely offensive no matter what it might say.
These are just a few ideas, folks. You’ll probably notice that the special promotions above are all for terrible teams that really need a reason for their fans to be excited. Of course, I’d be happy to offer more ideas, but I don’t work for free…
…so until I see the dollar $ign$, enjoy the Memorial Day holiday (with a special shout-out to my late grandfather Larry Hocker who served bravely in the Korean War) and don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.