In what seemed to be just another routine trip of posturing down the runway Sunday evening, Miss USA Crystle Stewart and her subsequent fall (both figurative and literal) at the Miss Universe competition has become more than just a physical mishap. In fact, this unfortunate slip has become the ultimate iconic representation of the current state of our nation and the hardworking US Americans who inhabit it.
In the last 24 hours, we have witnessed seasoned veteran journalist John McLaughlin resort to the ridiculous stereotyping of a pre-civil rights era nation, the strong-arming acquisition of an American staple by an elitist foreign entity that relies on the cowardly tactics of threats and foreboding reminiscent of one A. Hitler and the possibility that we US Americans may be watching Brett Favre throw a football wearing a helmet that doesn’t have “G” on it.
If all this has you down, dear reader, and all you want to do is sit back, relax and watch the Home Run Derby tonight, let me remind you that it is not the Home Run Derby — it is the STATE FARM Home Run Derby and you will be bombarded with a bazillion commercials over two hours urging you to buy insurance for when the big bad Iranians try to blow us up.
Is nothing sacred anymore?
Will the there be a ban on apple pie?
Will Red Sox Nation run out of things to complain about?
Will the Cubs win a World Series?
I would try to go somewhere, take a vacation, forget about it all… but with Chicagoland gas prices hovering around $4.35 a gallon, I can’t afford it.
So I think I’ll just go to sleep. And while I do, I’d appreciate it if you don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.