Wrong. It can. It will. US Americans will suffer.
Dear readers, another day is gone; the Cardinals bullpen still su<ks. And somehow, John Mozeliak still manages to keep a smile on his face. Perhaps he heard about Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank’s new proposal and decided to get a head start on my aura. That’s the only reason I can think of that would somewhat adequately explain Mozeliak’s easy-going penchant for incompetence.
Well, I’m just sick about it.
The Cardinals had to score five runs in the 9th last night to secure a victory because the gods knew a one-run lead wouldn’t be enough. But how long can one expect the Cardinals to do this? How often will the Cubs and Brewers spot us a five-run lead going into the late innings of a game?
When a team has already recorded over 20 blown saves midway through the season, it’s hard not to find its fans puking in the street. Yesterday, I was moved to illustrate my queasy frustrations with a Corey Feldman video that makes me equally — if not more — uncomfortable.
But that was yesterday. Things have gotten a lot worse since then. With one day left until the trade deadline, I’m afraid watching the Cardinals attempt to hold close leads will now make me as uncomfortable as I feel watching this:
**Warning!** The two minutes and twelve seconds you are about to lose from your life can not ever be replaced. You may or may not leave the video a lesser man/woman.
Have you lost your appetite, dear reader? Now you know how I feel.
I don’t just speak for myself. I speak for Red States, Blue States, all the States of US America. Mr. Mozeliak, you can hate me ‘cuz I’m an ^sshole and you can surely hate me ‘cuz I’m a closet Corey Feldman fan, but please don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.