“The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and
Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled
together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have
not served a Red America or a Blue America – they have served the
United States of America.“
— Barack Obama, August 28, 2008
We here at RSBS realize
that we have spent a great amount of time this season in what some
simple-minded individuals might consider exacerbating the divide
between hard working baseball-loving Americans. But let me just clear
the air and say that what they see as divisive, we see as unifying. We do what we have to because we can, we will and most of all: we care. When we see injustices, when we endure the pains of partisanship, hear the cries of the people, we have little choice but to report the truth and expound cautionary messages.
And sometimes we might just piss you off.
Well, not today, folks.
After last night’s call for unifying hope among color and party lines, I have nothing in my heart but love. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one:
as you already know: I’m no idiot. It is painfully clear that John
McCain’s “congratulations on a job well done, Senator” was as smarmy
and spurious as it was preplanned beyond anality. But I’m feeling
splendid today. I’m feeling patriotic. I’m feeling swept up in an
emotional wind of change. I’m ready to reach across the aisle and be
nice to someone for no other reason than to be nice to someone. And
just for today, I want to believe that McCain’s gesture was at least
rooted in good will.
So, here’s my crack at it:
Dear Cub Fans:
have a really great team this year. I’m not just saying that. You
do. Your team has the best record in baseball (at the time of this
publication) and they have what it takes to go a long way on both sides
of the field. The Cubs’ pitching is great. Cubs’ hitting is timely.
Your team has a wise and great leader in Lou. I know I give you a hard
time for the banality of your collective souls, for being obnoxious, for your whining and crying all the time; but hey, I just want to tell you job well done on supporting your team for actually playing well. That’s so good of you.
Dear McCain Campaign:
You did a really cool thing in choosing Sarah Palin as your Vice Presidential nominee.
Job well done. I’m not even going to mention that your whole campaign
platform against Senator Obama revolves around his alleged
‘inexperience’ in politics. And on that note, I won’t bring up the
fact that she has next to no high profile ‘experience’ in
leadership. And believe me, I’m not going to waste time calling this
move what it probably is: a meager attempt to shift focus from the
strong warning shot of change resonating throughout this great land.
Yes, Senator McCain. You really are a maverick. You are awesome.
Dear Yankees Fans:
your team isn’t so hot this year. So what. Jason Giambi’s fashion
statement is pretty cool. Sure, it will never match the infamy of Giambi-on-Juice, but hey, at least it reminds us of one of the greatest Yankees to ever wear the pinstripes, right? Okay, so the Giambi mustache won’t be a classic; but it will be remembered.
And in a season that has a million reasons why you’d want to forget it,
at least Giambi came through in the clutch by taking your mind off all
of your woes, if just for a day.
Dear A.J. Pierzynski Haters:
really admire your persistence and passion for hating one baseball
player so much that you would comment on this blog by using the phrase “AJ P is a piece of crap” (see comments, fourth one from the bottom). That is classy. That is brilliant. And it stands out as a truly mesmerizing use of the English language. Job well done, A.J. haters.
Dear Detroit Tigers:
You guys are doing an awesome job of acting like you still care about
the remainder of the 2008 season. I know that your thoughts are really
on what type of yacht you’ll be purchasing for that winter cruise
around the Venezuelan coast, what with all that money you raked in this season without having to… well, you know, win
games. Believe me, I think I know how hard it is to feign interest in
something that I’d rather not be doing just so I could collect some
dough, so I commend you all for your standout steadfastness in pretend attentiveness. That’s what I call a job well done!
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.