A Technocratic Disruption of the Baseball Cosmos

baseball god.jpgInstant replay may be here for good but that doesn’t mean I have to like it; nor does it mean I have to support it.  Because I don’t.

And I won’t.

Before you get all sassy (Mr. Krause), let me just say that my basis for detesting this technological intrusion is not rooted in science.  It does not rely on tangible evidence.  It is based on one simple cosmological principle:

The baseball gods are pissed off.

For it is my strong belief that in baseball everything happens for a reason and eventually the inequalities of umpiring decisions (though visible and often game-altering) will be settled at a later time, when appropriate, when it’s most necessary.  This is how it has been for over a hundred years — or in other words: a long friggin’ time.

Had the argument against instant replay in baseball not been so stringent in the past perhaps I wouldn’t be so upset about it now; but to maintain the party line for so long only to crumble under the pressure of a few whiny millionaires is quite embarrassing.  Baseball is not football.  It is not basketball.  It is not hockey. 

It does not need instant replay — at all.  Ever.

Of course, now people like my colleague Mr. Allen Krause have embraced this technology because it will supposedly ensure that each homerun call is made correctly.  And though they say it will be reserved only for homerun calls, we all know that you can’t just have one cookie.  Before long everything from close plays at first to suspected trappings in the outfield to balls and strikes will soon be up for review by some Geek Squad reject in the New York main office, thus eliminating the human umpire element entirely, not to mention extending what many already consider a game that goes on too long.

This is not good, folks.  It’s not good at all.  And Mr. Krause, you’re completely wrong in your steadfast embrace of this electronic eye-in-the-sky Pandora’s Box. 

exorcist 2.jpgYou will be sorry.  You see, the baseball gods — now raging in their defiance towards this atrocious innovation — have myriad unfinished business in equalizing the poor calls of the past.  But now, since MLB has gone against its purist principles, all those yet to be righted face the harsh and difficult reality that they may never see justice on the field again.  Fate has been tested and one ought to know better than to mess with fate, or the supernatural.

Just ask Pete Rose.

Ever wonder why the Yankees World Series drought has lasted so long?  Ask Derek Jeter or Jeffrey Maier or Tony Torasco.  They know.  They were there.  

Ever wonder how a barely-above mediocre Cardinal squad won the 2006 World Series?  Ask Don Denkinger.  He knows.  He took it away from them 21 years earlier.

Ever wonder how a pompous autocrat like me got to write a hit blog?  Ask Greg Altmix, my high school baseball coach who sat me on the bench because I couldn’t hit the ball to the opposite field.  He knows.  I was a pull hitter.  You can’t change a pull hitter. 

Dear readers, for every wrong there is a right and the baseball gods know exactly what the hell they’re doing.

Call me a purist, call me old-school, call me Suzie… I don’t give a s***.  Go ahead.  Hate me if you must.

…but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. jimmy27nyy


    I totally agree with your view about instant replay … Like you said in your post, “Baseball does not need instant replay — at all, ever” !!! … Instant replay will only open a can of worms; and, there will those who will also want it used for all close calls, and even “balls and strikes” in the future. This is not something baseball needs, as it will take the human element out of “The Game”, which is a big part of the charm of Baseball !!! … The decision to bring instant replay into baseball is a misguided, knee-jerk, reaction by our so-called Commissioner, Bud Selig, based only on a few questionable homerun calls early in this season … Too bad Selig didn’t react this quickly 5-7 years ago, regarding all the players using “Steroids” and other “PED’s” … The “Steroid Era” was way more damaging to the game of Baseball, as it affected many of the all-time “cherished” records [especially, all-time homerun records] of the game!!! … I only wish that Baseball and Mr. Selig will go back in time, and use “instant replay” to “ERASE” all the “TAINTED” records that have been achieved by players who have used steroids and PED’s that have destroyed many great all-time records, and almost [if not totally], ruined our great game of baseball !!! … Jimmy [27NYY] …


  2. rmutt4m

    Thanks for bringing up the most ignored, and compelling argument against instant replay: the baseball gods. There is supposed to be an element of “randomness” to the outcome, although we all know it isn’t random at all. It is fate, karma, justice, the baseball gods. As you point out, we all know something good is due someone who has experienced something bad, and it is the juxtaposition that provides much of the pleasure of baseball.

    Michael Norton
    Some Clubhouse

  3. flairforthedramatic

    “I was a pull hitter. You can’t change a pull hitter.” LOL
    I had the same stance as you on instant replay before this year. Baseball is considered a sport but it’s different than that of basketball, football, etc. However, the multitude of blown calls that have went against the Yanks at various times throughout the season have pushed me closer and closer toward instant replay. Obviously it hasn’t had a huge bearing on where the Yanks are right now, but we know all too well how one call could change the momentum of a game and how one game could end a hot streak or start a losing one. For now I’m okay with instant replay. Though replay can effectively eliminate the mystic ways of baseball, there are plenty of other borderline calls that have impact and could get argued. The baseball gods WILL find a way to have it THEIR way anyway. I’m sure of it.
    V – http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com

  4. PAUL

    It’s strange how the main man, GOD himself, allows surrogates to handle such trifling aspects of our daily life like baseball (hence the term “baseball gods”), but according to one Sarah Palin, he’s hands on in the “War On Terror”, and it’s still not going particularly well. Using the lovely and charming Gov. Palin as one of his messengers with her (to put it kindly) BIZARRE statements from her extremist church may be a test to those that are willing to be tempted by the forbidden fruit of a right wing lunatic disguised as a Yummy Mummy/Governess.

  5. redstatebluestate

    Thank you all for understanding the sensitive situation here… I would write more but “yummy mummy” has me all in a tiz. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s