Exclusive “W” Speech Preview

george w bush.jpgOur undistinguished, verbally challenged dear leader will be giving a very important speech on the maligned state of the economy later this evening.  As an integral cog in the wheel of fast-forward journalism, RSBS was able to acquire an advanced copy of the speech by wielding its magical charm and flashing our telltale aura.  After a thorough study, we feel it is our civic baseball-politico duty to go ahead and give you, dear reader, a short preview of W’s finer points to come:

– – – – – –

“The economy?  Yeah.  It’s bad.  Surprised?  That’s what I do.  Remember the Rangers?  That was my team.  I owned it.  Y’ever want to cry about something, cry about that… yeah, you… what?  It’s called baseball.  Sometimes you win… sometimes… sometimes you don’t win and sometimes, well, it rains.”

– – – – – –

“Sarah Palin… yeah… she’s a hottie.  She’ll do alright here in my house.  She will.  Trust me.  I’m from Texas.”

– – – – – –

“You really want to vote in someone with the middle name Hussein?  Don’t you read your emails?  I do.  That’s what a president does.  He reads.  Have you read Green Eggs and Ham?  You should.  If you don’t you’re what I call un-American.”

– – – – – –

“You shouldn’t be focussed or worried on the economy.  We will bail those companies out.  And if I can get congress to get on board, we’ll also bail out the Montreal Ex– er, I mean, the Washington Nationals.  And the Pirates.  And maybe the Yankees.”

– – – – – –

“John McCain.  Vote for him.  Remember, I still have my finger on the red button until January so don’t mess with me.  Don’t mess with Texas.”

– – – – – –

“I’m tired of hearing about red states and blue states.  Put ’em together and whadya get?  Purple states.  And that’s our color.  Purple.  Let’s just be purple.”

– – – – – –

“Life ain’t all that bad, people.  Don’t you pay attention to the Cubs?  They’re good this year.  I predict they win the Stanley Cup.”

– – – – – –

“Did I mention that Sarah Palin’s hot?”

– – – – – –

“The war on terror costs money.  So get over it.”

– – – – – –

“Don’t take your money out of the banks.  Leave it there.  I may need to use it later in Iran.  Guess you could call that one of the perks of being the bossman.  Hehe.  I get to use your money and you can’t do nothin’ about it.  Sure, you can vote for the other guy, but you did that already and I still won.  Ha!  Straight shooter!”

– – – – – –

So there you have it folks.  Consider yourselves forewarned and don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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10 comments

  1. redstatebluestate

    Jane, V, John, Skip… thanks for stopping by. I too predict the Cubs to win the Stanley Cup (the ‘hawks are playing a game against the Redwings at Wrigley Field this coming season) and the world WOULD be a better place if we were all purple. Skip, you will probably relate to my Tiger-lovin’ cohort, Allen. But hey, at least Matt Millen doesn’t run the Tigers… OR the LIONS anymore!
    –Jeff

  2. redstatebluestate

    Russell, you just made me cry. And then I realized you were joking. Go Redbirds! Down with the Snakes!
    –Jeff

  3. rmutt4m

    I thought he had that “damn, and I was almost out of here before the **** storm hit” look last night.

    Michael Norton
    Some Clubhouse

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