To say that we at RSBS aren’t both touched and appalled at the desire for our dear readers to find out how “wemen hit mens’ balls” by perusing our plentiful pages of posts would not only be a mistake — it’d be completely false. In fact, we do care. We want to help in whatever way possible; it’s just that we’re US Americans. We have short attention spans.
This is why I feel the need to address Mr. Krause’s 800 pound gorilla (and no, I am not talking about his sister). For those of you who pay attention, you already know that Mr. Krause not only roots for his lackluster, underachieving, overpaid Tigers, but he is also stringently aligned with the laughingstock of the NFL: the Detroit Lions.
And in case you live in a Cold War era bomb shelter like the one underneath my grandma’s house with all the amenities of a North Korean disco party, you know the Lions are 0-13 with just three games left on their already light schedule. That’s right. No wins. Just losses… and a lot of them. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought that Chris Berman, Shannon Sharpe, Dan Marino, James Brown and every other NFL pregame analyst working the networks yesterday was actually rooting, hoping, wishing that the Lions go on to become the first team ever in the history of the National Football League to not win a single game the entire season.
You can count me in on that wish too.
Because it’s funny.
All joking aside, it is no secret that I love football; but this is a classic example of why baseball, in my humble yet nearly one hundred percent accurate opinion, is a far superior game.
Even the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, holders of the worst record in baseball history, won 20 games to their 134 losses. Twenty times that year they could walk off the field with their heads held high, knowing that — just for a day — they were winners. Likewise, the ’60s era New York Mets (before ’69), as terrible, as awful, as atrocious a team as they were, still won 30 percent of their games. They were never completely void of victory; that tiny taste of winning perhaps propelled them towards their miraculous season of ’69. And of course, who could forget the late-season heroics of the 2003 Detroit Tigers, who in the face of breaking the ’62 Mets’ record for most losses in a season, went on a torrid streak and won five out of their last six games to avoid ultimate infamy.
The key ingredient in all of these poor baseball teams’ legacies is the fact that despite how terrible they all were, they still won some of the time.
But when your season is only sixteen games long the room for error shrinks; and in a game like football, you can forget all about mercy.
Hang in there, Mr. Krause. Don’t cry. Remember, the 1988 Baltimore Orioles started the season 0-21 and even though they finished as winners of 34% of their games, they still had a big fat zero for a considerable, oft uncomfortable amount of time. Put in that perspective, 0-16 doesn’t seem all that bad, eh? Besides, it could be worse, Al: Kyle Farnsworth could be your quarterback.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.