My esteemed colleague and oft unfocused baseball analyst, Mr. Allen Krause, recently enlightened us all to the magical means of the late Dock Ellis’ amazing no-hit “trip” from 1970. While he waxed on the intricately harmonious ballad that is sports-on-drugs by encouraging us to “follow Dock’s example”, as the only RSBS voice of reason, I feel it is my responsibility to post a warning to all those who find this to be a titilating alternative to the grounded world of sober sports.
Dug up by an RSBS intern, this vintage video footage of yours truly catching behind the plate proves that after consuming a wickedly toxic cocktail of magic mushrooms, Johnnie Walker Black and Mary Jane, the game of baseball becomes much more complicated than it really should be. Amazingly enough, my manager left me in the game and every one of the opposing nine went home with a headache. I, too, was seeing stars… but mine were of the more stimulating variety:
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.