The King and Jeff

bkflame.jpgI wish I was the kind of person who enjoyed aiming low blows at my friends. I’d like to be able to question why someone who will turn 30 thirteen
short days after me is counting down the days to my own birthday. I wish I could sit here and wonder out loud if my friend not having a girlfriend for the last several years somehow affected his cognitive skills. It would be great to openly wonder why he thinks that dousing himself in the smell of BK is effective for picking up women. But, I’m not that kind of person. I’m a real friend.

So, I’m not going to address the spurious accusations made at my expense yesterday. It would be demeaning to all of us and the work we do if I pointed out that most of the baseball intelligentsia thought the Tigers would win the World Series last year and concluded that Dave Dombrowski had hoodwinked the entire league with his off-season moves. I’d be doing no one a favor by saying that Detroit and the state of Michigan have been suffering since the 70’s (just watch The Crow, Gran Torino or Eight Mile to see what I’m talking about) and it’s only natural that its residents hopelessness would also be reflected in their view of sporting pursuits.

No, I refuse to debase myself in the same way as my friend. Instead, in the spirit of this new year full of hope and change, I’m going to say, “good luck, Jeffery.” I hope the Cardinals pick up some relief pitching so AP’s offense isn’t wasted. I hope that 30 treats you well and really is the new 21. And I hope that you go on a date. Seriously, though, you gotta rid of the BK cologne first.




  1. juliasrants

    Allen, the maturity you show is refreshing. Shall I assume that we will hear later about your love life as well? And I guess I need to ask you as well, where should I send Jeff’s birthday present? He did, after all, provide an address for me to use for your gift.


  2. redstatebluestate

    Julia, you’ll will hear all about it… stay tuned 😉
    PS, what’s wrong with the BK scent?

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jane, yes, there’s love… in a weird brotherly sorta way 😉
    And yes, Greg, I believe you’re right. I’m guessing Allen would be Walter Mathau.

  4. rockymountainway

    Now don’t get too down on Michigan it had a song about it “Especially in Michigan” on the last Chili Pepper album. Great tune on a great album if I may say so.

    “Life is my friend
    Rake it up to take it in
    Wrap me in your cinnamon
    Especially in Michigan
    …well I could be your friend

    White clouds I’m in
    A mitten full of fisherman
    C’mon Huckleberry Finn
    Show me how to make her grin
    …well I’m in Michigan

    Cry me a future
    Where the revelations run amok
    Ladies and gentlemen
    Lions and tigers come running
    Just to steal your luck”

    Not too shabby. Colorado hasn’t really had anything since Ol’ Johnny Denver put out Rocky Mountain High but he had to fly into a mountain and down went our number one songwriter. The Peppers are on “hiatus” but you got love and you still may get more from them!

  5. steve_t

    Devil’s Advocate here and wishing Eminem would get back to work:

    From “Lose Yourself” (8 Mile)

    “I’ve got to formulate a plot ‘fore I end up in jail or shot
    Success is my only motherf***ing option, failure’s not
    Mom, I love you, but this trailer’s got to go
    I cannot grow old in ‘salem’s lot
    So here I go its my shot
    Feet fail me not cause it maybe the only opportunity I got.

    Steve T

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