Translations of a Maniac

john_mozeliak.jpgSorry, folks, I am through pontificating on Alex Rodriguez (for now) and ready to get back to baseball talk that does not include scandalous tirades on the poor policing of the game.

Wait, no… that is a lie.

Because the St. Louis Cardinals released their clubhouse infecting second baseman Adam Kennedy this week and GM John Mozeliak, by simply opening his mouth, has opened the door for more ridicule from those of us who should actually matter the most (the fans) but continuously get tossed aside like a Roger Clemens B-12 filled syringe.

So Kennedy is gone.  Great.  Ask me if I care. 

I don’t.

What I do care about is the $4 million we are paying him for 2009 anyway.  Mozeliak said:

“I tried to exhaust the trade market. We thought we might have something happening that really came to an end
this weekend. At that point it was just time. It was more fair for both
parties to do it now than wait a couple weeks.”

Translation: I am not very good at my job.

You mean to tell me, Mr. Mozeliak, that no team in Major League Baseball was willing to trade for Kennedy?  No team!?!  None?!?  You couldn’t get one minor league guy, one nobody, one journeyman reliever for Adam Kennedy? 

Give me a break.  But in all fairness, Mr. Mozeliak, you are right about one thing.  That was a fair deal for the Kennedy camp.  More than fair.  Here’s $4 million, Adam.  Sit on your ^ss, dude.  Have a good time.  Go out and get a league minimum one-year deal from some team and live off the fat of the Cardinals’ land.

I suspect he will.

Meanwhile, the Cardinals fan forums, blogs and message boards are lighting up with “what the hell do we do now”s; some delusional fans have even gone as far as to suggest Mozeliak may go out and sign a free agent second baseman like Orlando Hudson or Mark Grudzielanek to fill the empty space.

Ha!  I laugh in your face!  For you know not the true nature of our general manager:

“Right now, we’re going to go with what we have. We would like to do this internally if we could, and we do have confidence that we can.”

piggy lord of the flies.jpgTranslation: I have the conch!  Not you!  Me!  It’s mine mine mine mine mine!  All mine!  And I say let’s get these suckas in the ballpark without assembling a competitive team.  Why not?  Those silly fans have already proven that they’ll support a crappy team; we can do that on the cheap and still rake in millions!  Sell ’em t-shirts and Busch Light and bobbleheads that are way overpriced!  They love that s***!

Mozeliak finished by saying:

“I do think this [releasing Kennedy for nothing while still paying him $4 million] was an opportunity to inject some energy into that
position and really show that we are moving this club in a newer

Translation: This club is built to fail.  I signed Trever Miller and Royce Ring to further weaken an already deplorable bullpen that blew 31 saves last year.  My major off-season acquisition of shortstop Khalil Greene hit a mind-blowing .212 last season, I haven’t even tried to land a closer and I am taking Ludwick and Ankiel to arbitration because I want to make them feel uncomfortable about playing in St. Louis.  And as soon as this season is over and we have been embarrassed by the Cubs and Brewers, LaRussa and Duncan will walk and I’ll have this team right where I want it: going nowhere!

At least Ballpark Village is right on track:

ballpark village.jpg

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. Lissi

    Yeah he kind of screwed up a little on that one ( or a lot, but you know).
    Ballpark village looks nicer than it ever has under 8 inches of snow though. Very pristine. It mainly looks good because you can maybe pretend that something along the lines of progress is happening underneath everything.


    Kennedy for D-Train, final offer. Your boy Mozeliak shoulda looked into that one… That would be like Susan coming to George Costanza’s coffee shop, worlds would collide.

  3. phillies_phollowers

    I feel your pain…the Phils still owe Adam Eaton, who is totally worthless, $8.5 million this year! He will likely be released, unless someone is dumb enough to pick him up. And I’d also like to say that Lord of the Flies totally creeped me out…wow. :O)


  4. crystalbaseball

    100% in agreement with the waste of money that is Adam Kennedy now (someone would give up something as long as Stl ate some of the money, and that would still equate to Stl not eating ALL the money). I imagine that Schumaker taking groundballs at second this winter may be better for the team in the long run…we will see. I am a Cubs fan and would much rather see Kennedy wobbling out there…too bad!

  5. rockymountainway

    Ouch brotha, I hate to say it but your interpretation seems dead on. Nothing in that release injects any energy into the position other than to say “we give you nice cash if you want to go somewhere else.” I can vaguely hear Allen snickering in the background…

  6. redstatebluestate

    I’m trying to stay positive, folks… but to settle for fourth or fifth or SIXTH in the division is NOT the Cardinal way.

  7. Erin Kathleen

    As a fan of a team whose front office is also reluctant to spend money I can sympathize. But you know, maybe Mozeliak will get the message if Cards fans simply stop going to the games. I know, I know, Cardinal Nation is not a nation of front-runners. Still, nothing speaks louder to the front office about fan displeasure than an empty stadium. Even the Nationals figured that out and went out and got Adam Dunn.

  8. PAUL

    That is kinda odd. If they’d picked up a chunk of his salary, 3/4 of it or so, they couldn’t have gotten a minor leaguer for him? And I’ve never heard of Kennedy being a clubhouse problem. Pulling in the same direction? Does he mean he wants EVERYONE dragging the proud franchise into the ditch?

  9. ronlang44

    I will never count out the Cards. I’ve learned that the hard way. I will be at the game in St. Louis on April 25th. I can’t wait. It’s one of the best rivalries in sports.
    I don’t understand why the Cards didn’t get anything for Kennedy. A player to named later wouldn’t have hurt. Mozeliak is doing a terrible job. I don’t look for him to stick around that long.


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