Alternatives to Armageddon

texas fireball in sky.jpgYes, folks, the sky is falling.

Texans have long brought the drama.  Whether we are talking about Nolan Ryan throwing seven career no-hitters, Ross Perot anteing up his own funds to eradicate the national debt or Roger Clemens going out with a bang, the good people of Texas are rarely light on theatrics. 

With this in mind, it should be no surprise that Texans are looking to the skies and hypothesizing that what they see may very well be the beginning of the end of life as we know it.  Humans are hardly rational beings, and as the world economy plummets, the earth itself rots and our heroes fall, it is no wonder why people actually believe UFOs are coming to invade us, kill us and eat our brains.

Alas, dear readers!  While the recent UFO/meteor sightings in Texas appear to be mysteriously detrimental to our society, I have done ample research and settled on the following alternative explanations for this fierce phenomenon:

  • That’s no UFO; it’s the ball Albert Pujols hit off Brad Lidge in the 2005 NLCS finally falling back to Earth
  • That’s no UFO; it’s the wrath of God shooting down the twisted ideology of the devil herself
  • That’s no UFO; it’s the collective failures of one Kyle Farnsworth crashing and burning (was supposed to land in Kansas City but due to a sincere lack of notoriety, Kansas City’s exact location could not be determined)
  • That’s no UFO; it’s Roland Burris doing his best Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial impression to make us forget that his story doesn’t quite add up
  • That’s no UFO; it’s Manny being Manny exercising his final, most breathtaking stunt to get a multi-year deal making A-Rod money (sans the special sauce one can only hope)

manny being manny.jpgDon’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. mlbmark

    I’ve seen a few of those UFOs during marathons, too. Mainly around Mile 19-20. BTW (a) what’s up with World Champions 2005 Boston Red Sox in the little red plate, and (b) did you guys ever finally decide on Cardinals or Tigers or is it still a duel to the death.


  2. redstatebluestate

    Julia & Kathy — You both have a strong case. I, personally, believe it’s a mixture of them all.
    Mark — We enjoy anomalies and anachronisms here, thus the ’05 WS BoSox. I had a 1996 NLCS Champions t-shirt with a Cardinals logo on it back in the day. Don’t know where or how I got it, but I enjoy making people think. And yes, it’s definitely CARDINALS. (Al’s opinion doesn’t matter).


    Jeff, not only is Ann very smart, her hotness is right up there with Erin Don’t try and argue either cause on this one you know I’m right. Quit picking on us Texans you have family here ya know!!!!


    where are the government conspiracy theories?? clearly its a diversion created by the Obama administration to distract attention from the bailout bill about to be signed into law. that sneaky Barack is up to his old tricks again, before the dust settles on the mysterious UFO debate this huge piece of legislattion will be made into law, much to the chagrine of John McCain and his team of bi-partisan, geritol taking cronies. A classic ‘Hey look over there!’ ploy.
    Krause #3

  5. Elizabeth D.

    I think that might be my hot air balloon that I built for chemistry falling back down to Earth. Which WOULD HAVE happened had my chemistry teacher decided to fly our balloons anywhere else on campus. Nooo… she chose the pool deck so my balloon, made out of tissue paper, sailed high– too high, got caught in the wind, and landed nicely in the pool. We appropriately named it Icarus.

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