The Filibuster

The Pittsburgh Pirates managed to lose a game the other day to a local
community college. Granted, it wasn’t their best players on the field
that day but they did still lose to a community college. Now, we’ve
spent a lot of time talking about the highlights we expect to see in
the upcoming season but what are some of the bloopers and sob stories
you are looking forward to as well?


pirates fan.jpgThe Pirates’ saving grace (after losing to a community college) is the fact that they themselves are a team better suited for the community college circuit.  Boasting players most of us have never heard of like Nyjer Morgan, Brandon Moss and Ross Ohlendorf, is it any surprise that the perennial underachieving Buccos start the season picked to win a mind-blowing 65 games?  I think not.

But as my sludge-dredging colleague, Mr. Krause, so coyly alludes to, this will be just one of the many “sob stories” we baseball fans are looking forward to in 2009.  Now I am no soothsayer; nor am I blessed with magical powers allowing me to predict which gaffes and gripes will take centerstage this season; but let’s face it: some things are just a given.  For example:

The Orioles and Blue Jays Will Simply Disappear
If they haven’t already, by the time we hit the month of May, I foresee that all relevance of baseball in Baltimore and Toronto will cease to exist.  After a steady diet of Yankees, Red Sox and Rays is slammed down our throats, who will care that Brian Roberts is a shining star in a sea of apathy or that J.P. Ricciardi is single-handedly destroying what was once a proud baseball organization?  No one.  That’s who.

Cub Fans Will Be Whining About Something
They always do.  They always will.  They never stop.  Whether it’s invoking the spirit of Cub castaway Steve Bartman, repeating ye ole circa 2003 mantra: “Prior and Wood, Prior and Wood, Prior and Wood” or just getting too drunk to know what’s actually going on during the game, Cub fans were born to lose.  And in personifying their joyous moniker of “Lovable Losers”, they love to whine.  Sure.  They’ll win the division.  How can they not?  But they’ll find a way to blow it in the playoffs and we sane baseball folk will be subjected to yet another lengthy offseason of wouldas, couldas and shouldas — a century old Northside tradition.

Gary Sheffield Will Say Something Stupid
Happens every year, folks.  He might even box someone too, that is, if he can find the strength to walk from homeplate all the way out to the mound.  And if he plays in more than 114 games, there’s a good chance that he’ll add even more guts and gore to that Phillies/Mets rivalry we’ve all come to enjoy over the last few years.  Sheff is certainly setup to give new meaning to the phrase “choke artist”.  All Cole Hamels has to do is open his mouth.

Joba Chamberlain Will Try His Luck with Erin Andrews — Again — and Fail Miserably — Again
I know, I know.  Ms. Andrews said it was nothing, but we saw the video (which has conveniently been erased from the entire interweb) and let’s face it: Joba struck out like Adam Dunn after an all-night bender.  Having been in that situation myself, and being a guy, I think it’s safe to say Joba will go there again.  Men are stupid.  Ladies, am I right?

Yet looking into my crystal ball, dear readers, the one blooping gaffe that is bound to come up again and again this season is almost too easy to call:

farnsworth cries.jpgKyle Farnsworth Will Be the Laughingstock of Major League Baseball
They hated him in Chicago.  They hated him in New York.  They hated him in Detroit.  If the Royals had any fans, they would hate him in Kansas City too.  But at the end of the day, no one can deny that Farnsy has become the whipping boy of baseball sadists all across US America.  When a kind-hearted She-Fan openly in love with her beloved Yankees rips the man to death in her best-selling book, it is safe to say that Kyle Farnsworth is and always will be fair game.  He should’ve known better: “There’s no crying in baseball!”

Hate me ‘cuz I can be an ^ss, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. Jane Heller

    I did rip Farnsy (thanks for the shout-out) but I’m wondering if he’ll suddenly, miraculously, curiously have a good year. Some people are actually picking the Royals to win the AL Central.

    So many bloopers/sob stories to look forward to. Let the show begin!

  2. flairforthedramatic

    Ahh, I love the no crying in baseball scene of A League Of Their Own. =)
    I think all of your predictions are spot on. We’re sure to see all of the above. I think the one about the O’s & Jays disappearing already came true though. Seriously, they have no chance. If, by some miracle, either manage to grab a playoff spot, it will be official: the Baseball Gods like to shake things up and get a good laugh about it.
    I’m wondering how the Mets will handle whatever it is that will come out of Sheff’s mouth next. They sure have their hands full.
    p.s. I actually began to like Farnsy before he got traded.. go figure. I think I miss him tossing one at the back or over the head of guys the most =)
    – V [ ]

  3. Lissi

    That won’t happen Jane, don’t worry. Or it better not.
    I’m sad I didn’t see this video of Erin Andrews and Joba; I would love to see Yankee get rejected. And he probably will try again; boys are stupid. No offense RSBS guys, you’re smarter because you admit it.

  4. Erin Kathleen

    Oh, come on, Jeff. Cub fans will be way too scared of Milton Bradley to do much whining this year. He has a bit of a temper, you know. I wonder how long it will take him to get into it with Big Z.-Erin

  5. Erin Kathleen

    Oh, come on, Jeff. Cub fans will be way too scared of Milton Bradley to do much whining this year. He has a bit of a temper, you know. I wonder how long it will take him to get into it with Big Z.
    Sorry if this posts twice, the server seems to be having issues.

  6. jonnnnnn

    Hey, what’s up! I am commenting to invite you to a contest I am starting for the 2009 MLB season. It’s going to be a pick ’em contest. Every Friday all us bloggers who are competing will make our picks for the slate of MLB games, and we’ll keep running totals and see who comes out on top. Should be fun, it’s only once a week so it shouldn’t be hard to keep up, let me know if you’re interested!

  7. neal07

    I’m sure this will be the most accurate set of predictions anyone posts this year. For God’s sake, last year I picked Justin Verlander to win the Cy Young, and he lost 17 games. It’s funny in a sick kind of waythat a 6-7 man who can throw 100 mph has become so pathetic.

  8. raysrenegade

    I like Kyle the way I liked John Rocker.
    You always knew he was going to say something profound, then mess it up by still talking.
    But hey, I think the Orioles might go on a run like last year in April and shock a few souls before finally showing that their pitching is not there yet.
    But they do have a heck of a good young team that might make the division even harder in 2011.
    As always, great view on the review of the Cubs ultimate whine-fest.
    they did look great on Opening Day, maybe they might just fold in October again…………..maybe.

    Rays Renegade

  9. raysrenegade

    I liked to listen to Kyle Farnsworth because he is today’s “John Rocker”. He might not as colorful and intelligent, but every year you can expect one wild comment that will shock the rafters.
    Joba trying to even get a thin chick is funny. He would be that guy coming off the plumber’s truck or construction site if he could not throw the pill.
    Why does he think a smart, attractive woman who has her own money would be impressed by him?

    Rays Renegade

  10. thebloggerinthegloamin

    I’m glad the Cubs don’t have Farnsworth anymore. Sure, he can throw 100 miles per hour, but with no movement on it its like throwing cookies up there to a hitter. Here’s a bigger joke – I still have my Kyle Farnsworth bobblehead doll that was a Wrigley Field giveaway. Why do I still have it?

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