The Filibuster

On Thursday, former New York Yankee disaster, Carl Pavano, made his
Cleveland Indians debut.  In just one inning plus of work he allowed 9
runs on 6 hits (including 2 homers) and three walks.  Cleveland was not
happy.  But Pavano is just one of many pitching phenoms gone sour.  If
you had to put together a pitching staff of current players designed,
destined and determined to fail, who would you choose and why?

— Jeff


hannity_and_colmes.jpgThe problem with this question is that it’s punditry in it’s most basic form. No matter what pitchers I name, you already have your mind made up and you’ve already decided that I’m wrong. It feels like I’m being forced to play Colmes to your Hannity. But, because I’m a good sport, I’ll do it. I will become Alan Colmes.

Any baseball team needs a quality starter, decent middle relief and a closer who can get the job done. So, it makes sense that our bizarro all-star team would want just the opposite: a starter who never fail to implode, a middle reliever with whom no lead is safe and a ninth inning finisher who puts the “lose” in closer.

dontrelle_willis.jpgIt would be relatively easy to staff the entire squad with last year’s Tigers but at this point, only one of them truly deserves that roster spot. Last season Dontrelle Willis managed to single-handedly redefine the concept of crashing and burning and this year seems to be more of the same. How bad is it? Well, D-train is currently cooling his heels on the 15-day DL with the frighteningly worded injury, “Anxiety disorder.” For those escapades, Dontrelle, we make you our ace.

Eric Gagne.jpgBut every starter needs a stopper. Although, in our case I guess what we’re looking for is more of a porous sieve. And there are plenty of them out there. Just today C.J. Wilson of the Rangers gave up four quick runs in relief of Kevin Millwood and managed to throw away what had been a shutout up til that point. But has anyone fallen as far or as fast as Eric Gagne? I mean this guy was lights out a couple years ago but now just mentioning his name around Red Sox or Brewers fans might get you punched out.

farnsworth cries.jpgHowever, and I think it’s probably no surprise to anyone, the dirty lump of coal in in this torn stocking of a rotation has to be old friend of RSBS, Kyle Farnsworth. And he really deserves this honor on so many levels. Don’t just think of it as a reward for his incredible meltdown against the White Sox this past week. No, this is truly a lifetime achievement award. Farnsworth is the Mariano Rivera of blown opportunities and for that we salute him.

When it comes right down to it, though, I don’t know if anyone can really out-Pavano Carl Pavano himself. Seriously, how is this guy still pitching? When will GMs learn that he truly is kryptonite, anathema to the very idea of pitching. On the bright side, he is playing for the Indians and that makes me a little more optimistic for the Tigers chances this season. Hey, it’s Easter, a time of resurrection and rebirth. We all gotta’ hope, right?




  1. Lissi

    I am praying to God this Easter that you are wrong about Pavano. I will continue to remain optimistic about him; only because I am okay with risking getting my heart broken because seriously look at my top two favorite sports teams: the Cleveland Indians and the Clemson Tigers. That’s heartbreak for you.

  2. .

    Please guys, stop posting that Kyle Farnsworth photo. I meant to ask you to stop last time it was posted, but I figured that would be the last time, but now, it haunts me again. It bothers me every time I look at it like it bothers you not to tongue the roof of your mouth after burning it from a delicious slice of New York pizza. His face, his action, his reaction, his style. What a GOON! Ugh, Kyle Farnsworth.

    – Donnie

  3. trolleydodger

    The Indians can afford to give Pavano a couple of starts to see if he turns it around. They’ve got Laffey and Sowers cooling their heels in Columbus right now, so they’re okay. I mean, shoot, how many chances has Steve Trachsel gotten despite never showing any single ounce of skill as a pitcher in his entire career?

  4. trolleydodger

    Oh come on, now. How much joy and laughter did it give sane, rational-minded baseball fans when the Red Sox signed Eric Gagne and everyone began saying that this was the move that was going to clinch the postseason for them?

    See, we all got a good laugh out of it because we knew how bad Gagne was, and the Red Sox fans got their way by winning the World Series despite the Eric Gagne signing. Win-win.

  5. redstatebluestate

    Gagne’s excuse is that they took away his “juice”. The others? They just fell off… no rhyme or reason… or so it seems.

  6. Elizabeth D.

    I feel bad for Dontrelle, I loved watching him on the Marlins, he was incredible, and I thought that he should have won the NL Cy Young in ’05. Anxiety disorder… that does not sound fun. And yes, hearing Eric Gagne makes me want to punch someone in the face lol.

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