Why Not Invoke Thy Holy Goat?

bishop tom burns.jpgVerily!  Every baseball season I, Jeffery Lung, walk through the valley of the shadow of death… also known as Wrigley Field.

I have been punched in the back of the head.  I have been called a f^g.  I have been kicked in the legs while relieving myself in the men’s room in between innings.

I have been told my mother will rot in hell.  I have had beer thrown on me.  I have been spit on.

So it is certainly no surprise to me that a bunch of Wrigleyville yahoos placed a severed goat head atop the infamously scary Harry Caray statue on the corner of Sheffield and Addison yesterday.

The curse of the billy goat — still haunting the not-so-friendly-if-you-wear-Cardinal-red confines — lives on, dear readers; and apparently, people still take it seriously.  Very seriously.

They take it so seriously that they are willing to act like bigger a-holes than they are already perceived to be.  

But such is life as a “lovable loser”, I suppose.

Impressed was I last year, before the National League Division Series, when the Cubs went for a more subtle approach to ending their poor luck: praying to God.  After the Greek Orthodox Reverend Father spread holy water throughout the clubhouse, Ryan Dempster responded by quickly walking seven batters; and the Cubs went on to lose three straight lackluster games to the Los Angeles (perhaps Holy) Dodgers.

Guess God don’t like no posers, ya’ll.

I was just thinking, Cub fans: perhaps ye should combine thy wasted efforts into one successful go-for-all.  Call on Bishop Tom Burns and his iconic regimental mascot (a goat no less) to bless thy dump of a field in that oh-so-vigilante neighborhood and ask him to pray for your forgiveness — for all thy slander-slinging, grudge-grovelling and curse-coveting. 

Couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… nah… I just realized, when your fan base is more known for this…

…than winning baseball games, you really don’t have a prayer, do you?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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19 comments

  1. AJRoxMyWhiteSox

    Oh my God. Is that seriously a bathroom in Wrigley? That’s disgusting. I seriously threw up a little. For all the sh*t you go through being a Cards fan in Chicago, I say you have more than earned the right to bash Cubs fans. And I thoroughly enjoy it! 🙂
    Jen
    http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

  2. redstatebluestate

    Jen — Looks just like it. The YouTube chatter seems to point to a debate, but I’ve seen similar acts at wrigley and they do have troughs like that and those guys are all tools just like the wrigley faithful.
    Erin — If you can arrange it, I’ll play it 😉
    Melissa — Superior is RIGHT! Winningest franchise in NL history! 10 rings!
    Kathy — I’ll be there Thursday and Sunday. If you don’t hear from me after that, have someone look under the bleachers for a dead man wearing a Molina jersey.
    Julia — I know. I know.
    –Jeff

  3. rrrt

    If that is truly what that guy is doing, all I can say is – Gross! Really gross!
    Sue
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

  4. redstatebluestate

    Sue — Cub fans tend to be “gross”.
    John — Me neither 😉
    Jane — Touche. The pilgrimage begins tomorrow (say a prayer, yeah?)… and Sunday too. Cards are in town to whoop some tail!
    –Jeff

  5. redstatebluestate

    You’re right, baseballintheattic. I’ll be in your neighborhood tomorrow to see the Cards beat ‘dem Cubbies!
    –Jeff

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