Why Not Invoke Thy Holy Goat?

bishop tom burns.jpgVerily!  Every baseball season I, Jeffery Lung, walk through the valley of the shadow of death… also known as Wrigley Field.

I have been punched in the back of the head.  I have been called a f^g.  I have been kicked in the legs while relieving myself in the men’s room in between innings.

I have been told my mother will rot in hell.  I have had beer thrown on me.  I have been spit on.

So it is certainly no surprise to me that a bunch of Wrigleyville yahoos placed a severed goat head atop the infamously scary Harry Caray statue on the corner of Sheffield and Addison yesterday.

The curse of the billy goat — still haunting the not-so-friendly-if-you-wear-Cardinal-red confines — lives on, dear readers; and apparently, people still take it seriously.  Very seriously.

They take it so seriously that they are willing to act like bigger a-holes than they are already perceived to be.  

But such is life as a “lovable loser”, I suppose.

Impressed was I last year, before the National League Division Series, when the Cubs went for a more subtle approach to ending their poor luck: praying to God.  After the Greek Orthodox Reverend Father spread holy water throughout the clubhouse, Ryan Dempster responded by quickly walking seven batters; and the Cubs went on to lose three straight lackluster games to the Los Angeles (perhaps Holy) Dodgers.

Guess God don’t like no posers, ya’ll.

I was just thinking, Cub fans: perhaps ye should combine thy wasted efforts into one successful go-for-all.  Call on Bishop Tom Burns and his iconic regimental mascot (a goat no less) to bless thy dump of a field in that oh-so-vigilante neighborhood and ask him to pray for your forgiveness — for all thy slander-slinging, grudge-grovelling and curse-coveting. 

Couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… nah… I just realized, when your fan base is more known for this…

…than winning baseball games, you really don’t have a prayer, do you?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. AJRoxMyWhiteSox

    Oh my God. Is that seriously a bathroom in Wrigley? That’s disgusting. I seriously threw up a little. For all the sh*t you go through being a Cards fan in Chicago, I say you have more than earned the right to bash Cubs fans. And I thoroughly enjoy it! 🙂

  2. redstatebluestate

    Jen — Looks just like it. The YouTube chatter seems to point to a debate, but I’ve seen similar acts at wrigley and they do have troughs like that and those guys are all tools just like the wrigley faithful.
    Erin — If you can arrange it, I’ll play it 😉
    Melissa — Superior is RIGHT! Winningest franchise in NL history! 10 rings!
    Kathy — I’ll be there Thursday and Sunday. If you don’t hear from me after that, have someone look under the bleachers for a dead man wearing a Molina jersey.
    Julia — I know. I know.

  3. rrrt

    If that is truly what that guy is doing, all I can say is – Gross! Really gross!
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

  4. redstatebluestate

    Sue — Cub fans tend to be “gross”.
    John — Me neither 😉
    Jane — Touche. The pilgrimage begins tomorrow (say a prayer, yeah?)… and Sunday too. Cards are in town to whoop some tail!

  5. redstatebluestate

    You’re right, baseballintheattic. I’ll be in your neighborhood tomorrow to see the Cards beat ‘dem Cubbies!

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