The (Semi-Sober) View from My Couch

al bundy.jpgYeah, I wear a pinky ring.  So what?  I’m a made man and it’s the “company” rule.

And yeah, I have a Microsoft Zune… and no witty excuse other than to say, well, I got a good deal.

Yet to challenge my masculinity based on these attributes, Mr. Krause, is quite uncharacteristic, even for a flip-flopping self-loathing nihilist Tiger fan like yourself.

2006, my friend.  2006.

Still, this low blow to my sexuality got me wondering: do I really come off as a pansy?

So on Tuesday night I bought myself a case of MGD, stuck my hand in my shorts and plopped down on the couch to watch six hours of baseball.  I even avoided eating and shaving — two things I try to do at least once a week.

And this is what I learned:

Brandon Phillips doesn’t care how many times Miguel Montero says “mercy”; he’s still beatin’ that dude’s ^ss:

brandon phillips miguel montero.jpgIf Gabe Kapler expects to catch the Oriole Bird, he will need a bigger glove (or a machete):

gabe kapler.jpgNo matter what the situation, Prince Fielder always looks ready to eat you:

prince fielder hungry.jpgCarlos Lee’s lamaze classes are finally paying off:

carlos lee pregnant.jpgAnd the most important thing…

Ignorance is bliss… unless you have no business being naked in public; that’s just plain cruel (and stereotypical Met fan behavior):

mets fan streaker.jpgNow who’s the man!?!  Eh?  I am a manly man… grrrr… and now that I have proven my masculinity, please excuse me; I have to catch up on The Hills.

Hate me ‘cuz I wear the pinky rings; just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

(Images courtesy of the Associated Press and Getty Images)

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13 comments

  1. Elizabeth D.

    Jeff,
    LOL I loved all the photo captions, especially the Miguel Montero “mercy” one. I was watching a video of the Red Sox on “picture day” (you know, the one where Youkilis decided to look as ugly as possible) and Dustin wants the fans to come on the field. I might just take up that offer :).
    Elizabeth
    http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

  2. redstatebluestate

    Erin — I’d go insane if I had to watch Jose Reyes lollygag and pose for home run trots only to find out the ball didn’t go out. Irks me like nothin’ else.
    Elizabeth — Where is that vid? I’ll have to check it out.
    –Jeff

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jenn — Aren’t they though? Haha.
    Eatsleep — See the AP wire man. They do good work.
    Jen — Yeah, the non-sober view is rated R and not suitable for this site 😉
    –Jeff

  4. cubsjunkie2

    Hahaha great pictures. Love the captions. Power to the pinky ring!Stephaniehttp://steponme.mlblogs.com

  5. cubsjunkie2

    Hahaha great pictures. Love the captions. Power to the pinky ring!Stephaniehttp://steponme.mlblogs.com

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