More Freakazoids & Oddities: The Always Venerable, Mostly Searchable RSBS

Thumbnail image for freakazoid.jpgEveryone is looking for something.

I am looking for a reason not to hate John Mozeliak; the Cardinals hodge-podge yet surprisingly effective pitching staff has given me hope (so far).

Milton Bradley is looking for someone to actually listen to his crybaby tantrums, but we are grown-ups; and we do not care.   

North Korea is looking for a good old-fashioned ^ss-whoopin’; sources say firing nukes at your neighbors is an excellent way to accomplish that.

Still, others must turn to the long, twisted and always trustworthy inner-wirings of the world wide interwebs.  And sometimes, dear readers, they end up here.

As they have in the past, the RSBS interns did their homework and now we present to you some of the most intriguing keyword searches responsible for bringing people right here to the land of the free slightly tied down and the home of the brave pretentious and pompous, Red State Blue State:

“Red State / Blue State Means???”

It means Jeff and Allen are awesome.  Look, I know you queried this from an IP address in Spain, but still… come on, hombre… we’re kind of a known thing.

“Carlos Quentin’s Descents”
There have been many… playing like crap for the Diamondbacks, breaking his wrist in a fit of rage, having a sore left foot… take your pick.  I’d say the most influential one is the fact that he looks like a full-sized version of Herve Villechaize.

carlos quentin team photo.jpgHerve Villechaize.jpg

“Overweight Man”

Now, now… let’s be nice and cordial here, Mr. Internet Searcher.  I wouldn’t call my Tiger-lovin’ colleague, Mr. Krause, overweight.  I would call him ridiculous (because he is) and anti-establishment (because he is) but not overweight (okay, maybe just a little).  If it is indeed larger men you’re looking for, then I direct you *here*.

“What is the Lump in Nyjer Morgan’s Mouth?”

Uh, I dunno.  Chewing tobacco?  Tongue?  Someone else’s tongue?  Or maybe playing for the Pirates has given him the mumps.  Whatever it is, we humbly admit that we have no friggin’ clue.

And finally, the most intriguing query of them all…

“What is Jeff Lung’s Problem?”
Well, if you don’t know by now, I guess you’re just gonna have to keep on reading.

But whatever you do, don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. AJRoxMyWhiteSox

    You’re probably the only person I know who could actually figure out that Carlos looks like Herve Villechaize. And FYI when I read that, I started choking on my Diet Coke. Another note to self to not drink anything when reading RSBS.

  2. welikeroywelikeroy

    I wonder if Morgan chewed that during all the hockey games he played? You wouldn’t think to look at him, but the guy played a couple years of Junior hockey in the Canadian WHL (western hockey league).

    Here is an idea! He found the secret to the ‘everlasting gobstopper’ after being tipped off by Willy Wonka’s Canadian counterpart … Wilfred Wonka???

    The Carlos Quentin/Herb Villichaize comparison is hiliarious!

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jen — LOL. I can’t watch Fantasy Island anymore without expecting Tattoo to lead the league in homeruns before breaking his own wrist.
    Julia — The plane is on it’s way… just keep looking up 😉
    Homer — I thought Wilfred Wonka had retired! Excellent! Glad to know the Canadian enterprise is alive and well (unlike the Blue Jays the last week and a half).
    Eat/Sleep — Yes. He does run fast. And his play also infuriates Zambrano (as seen yesterday).

  4. zelig888

    Joe — Glad I could help man. That CQ/Herve thing has been bothering me for a while. Had to put it out there.

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