Crybabies Never Finish First

carlos zambrano crazy.jpgThe escalating crybaby tantrums that so poignantly characterize the 2009 Chicago Cubs are about as interesting to me as reading People Magazine‘s cover story on Bristol Palin and her five-month old child.  Still, I admit: they’re both fun to look at.

Carlos Zambrano lost his cool again?  Ya don’t say.  If he’s not cussing himself out on the mound he’s throwing at someone’s head or beating the crap out of Michael Barret or, like yesterday, bumping umpires, throwing balls into left field, or bashing that poor Gatorade machine in the dugout. 

Look, I like fiery baseballers just as much as the next pretentious a-hole, but when is enough finally going to be enough for Zambrano?  If I threw such a fit at my job you can be sure that I’d be in the unemployment line that same afternoon; and my job doesn’t affect 24 other millionaires in the clubhouse and a neighborhood so jaded, so disgusted, so unruly that its people would actually run a guy out of town, fearing for his life.

Big Z, Milton Bradley, Ted Lilly…

Cub fans, this is why you don’t win championships.  The World Series crown is reserved for respectable men who handle adversity with poise and class, who lift each other up with their actions, not tear the team apart.  One would think that having Lou Piniella — the skilled master of argumentative persuasion who perfected competitive bluster without hurting his team, himself or others — would teach these rascals how to go about being grown men.

But such logic always seems to get lost in Wrigleyville.

On July 19, 2004, after beaning Jim Edmonds twice for allegedly showboating on a homerun trot, Carlos had this to say: “This is not a baby’s game.  This is a man’s game.” 

Yet Carlos Zambrano (along with spoiled co-whiner Milton Bradley) remains one of the biggest babies in this “man’s game”.  The last time I threw a fit like Zambrano I was ten years old and my father did to me what someone should have done to Carlos a long time ago: he spanked the holy bejeebies outta me.

Until someone does that, there is no team — just a bunch of selfish individuals looking to cause a scene, which will ultimately lead to yet another year of hopeless dreams on the Northside.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m callous, hate me ‘cuz I use big words, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. redbirdchatter

    cubs in a tailspin. Cardinals leading the NL Central. Life is darn near perfect. I’m headed to San Francisco to see the Cards-Giants series this weekend. Don’t hate me, and I won’t hate you when you are taking up space at the All-Star game watching our boy, Yadi, start for the NL!

  2. flairforthedramatic

    After Papelbon threw a towel at a photographer after he blew a save recently, the photog said “A true champion realizes you got to take the good with the bad”.. completely why Cubs can’t get it right..
    There’s no crying in baseball!!
    P.S. Dare I say your argument was rather rational? Lol.. 😉
    – V [ ]

  3. redstatebluestate

    Julia — Like Bud Selig, everyone looks the other way.
    Jen — True. That and they’re still bent out of shape from 2003, 1984, 1969, etc.
    Kathy — You go girl! Have fun! Take lots of pics! Scream for me! (tell Yadi I say hi and I’ll see him on July 14). Go CARDS!
    V — Indeed, they just can’t get right. Music to my ears. Rational? Why thank you 🙂

  4. cubbeeblue

    Yeah leave it to a white sox fan to come up with a derogatory statement that is just plain mean-spirited. Cubs fans have been fed up with this kind of bull#@&%. But of course your fans can’t be honest with your own teams short-comings. If only we had a front office with cajones and half a brain we’d have a half-way decent team. If I were you ajrox I’d keep it under my hat as your manager is a real piece of work.

  5. cubbeeblue

    Oh, yeah and by the way it’s not Cubs fans who aren’t winning championships, if that were the case we’d still have DeRosa, Wood, and Marquis.

  6. redstatebluestate

    Cubbeeblue — I’m afraid White Sox fans are pretty sick with the ’09 squad. If you read the papers or know any Sox fans, you’d soon realize this. I live in Bridgeport, so I’m surrounded by it on a daily basis. You are right though, Ozzie is a real piece of work. No lie. He also has a ring. I think Chicagoans (and I can say this being one) are just sick of mediocrity… whether it’s the Bulls, Hawks, Bears or baseball teams (save 2005), there has been a lot of disappointment in the Chi… so many so close situations only to fall through at the end.

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