GM Goes Government; Washington Nationals Should Consider the Same

gm bankrupt.jpgGeneral Motors is busted.

My dignity (whatever there was of it) is also busted.

And in case you haven’t noticed, the 2009 Washington Nationals are most definitely busted.

Now I realize that it has become cliché hack to go after the lowly Natinals and all their shame — that by marauding these lesser-known squibs I am just one of many basement-confined jokesters, another savvyless cheapshotateer who gets off on landing lowblows wherever I can.

But that’s me.

‘Cuz when you’re bad, you’re bad; and the Washington Nationals are beyond bad.

With a sub-stellar 13-36 record as of the first of June, touting a team ERA of 5.69 and Kip Wells in the bullpen, I think it is time we US Americans seriously consider showing the Washington Nationals a big-time government bailout.

Because if Julian Tavarez can’t save the Nationals, then who in the world can?

GM made crappy cars.  For years, GM didn’t listen to its consumers.  Simply put, GM didn’t care.  They were/are insane: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.  And now GM is virtually as obsolete as their “planned obsolescence” business model: an absolute example of eating your own s*** and dying a terrible death.

adam dunn natinals.jpgLuckily, there is still hope for the Washington Nationals, albeit grim.  Despite fielding a beer-league softball team, they are averaging about 21,000 people per game.  And even if half of those fans are wearing the visiting teams’ duds, that money is still green.

If the government knows anything, it knows how to take money from everyday Joes like us and spend it irresponsibly.  So, save the franchise, Capitol Hill!  I don’t care about GM, but I do care about about the Montreal Expos Washington Nationals and they deserve my tax dollars because let’s face it, Adam Dunn has gotta eat (a lot).

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



(GM Image courtesy of the Cleveland Leader)



  1. redstatebluestate

    Dillon — Definitely… though that rally against SF makes them look a bit above sub-stellar if only for a moment.
    Julia — Bush, yes. Cheney? No. He’s too busy fear mongering on the media circuit and that’s a full-time job.
    Erin — I don’t think the Canadians want them either. And as long as the Jays continue to kill their own hopes and dreams, yes, it’s pretty lonely.

  2. AJRoxMyWhiteSox

    Oh Washington Nationals. At least they have the consolation of knowing that they’ll probably have a really good season before the Cubs win another World Series. It might be after I die of old age, but hey…it’s better than 100+ years of epic fail.

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jen — Indeed. The Nats/Expos only have 40 years of fail, which isn’t quite “epic” yet. Leave that to the sCrUBBIES.

  4. jewsonfirst and

    The Natinals Stadium is 2 and 1/2 blocks away from where I work in an area that I call “Loserville”

    There is nothing surrounding the stadium such as places to eat, drink, buy Nats crap, etc. They are such a joke.

    At least the Expos were exciting and had good young players. The Nats are just a sorry bunch of losers who had their GM resign earlier in the year and just fired their pitching coach, who must have thought that they were in a coach pitch league!!!

    Keep up the good work!


  5. Jane Heller

    I like the idea of Canada taking the Nats off our hands. It was their team to begin with, so why not become Expos again? As for GM, don’t get me started or my fingers will start to spazz out as I type. Uh-oh63^*WIO*+@.

  6. redstatebluestate

    Ken — I was at Nationals Park a few weeks ago. The stadium was beautiful and they were in the process of building all of that stuff you said they don’t have. It’ll get there (not sure about the team though).
    William — Welcome back!
    Jane — How ironic, Jane! My nickname is high school was “63^*WIO*+@”… have you been digging up old files on me?

  7. rockymountainway

    If my team weren’t in the cellar and stumbling so badly I might, might, jump on the make funnies about the Nationals. However knowing humility I digress. Go Nats! Actually if they lose more I don’t mind because the Rockies don’t look as bad.

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