Lord, What Have I Done?

erin andrews 2.jpgMake one declaration to the worldwide interwebosphere about how you’re going to do everything in your power to land a date with the most beautiful woman in sports broadcasting and suddenly you’re considered a creepazoid stalker who could use a lesson or two in social tact.

Creepazoid?  Maybe.  Tactless?  Probably.  Stalker?  No, sir.

I made my intentions very clear; and I’m pretty sure I was a perfect gentleman.  It’s 2009, y’all, and the internets is where it’s at.  I mean, you can do everything on this crazy series of tubes: order takeout, save money on your car insurance, get Twitter-blocked by Barry Zito.  Why should chasing Erin Andrews be any different?

“But, Jeff,” my mother said, “what if your girlfriend reads this?”

“My girlfriend does not read this blog, Mom.”

Boy, was I wrong.

I tried to play down my actions of sneaking around my girlfriend’s back to get a real shot at Ms. Andrews, but she wasn’t as understanding as I had hoped.  At least now she knows; and I am happy to report that she hasn’t broken up with me over this so things are working out pretty well.  I mean, let’s face it, a couple of cigarette burns to the chest are well worth her allowing me to continue on with my special project.

Still, there is just one small problem: Erin Andrews is a lot more mobile than I.  And, well, ESPN hasn’t helped me with passing on my messages (sweet as they all are).

Fear not!

What Fulbright Scholar would let such foibles deter him from accomplishing his task?

Indeed, I have a plan.  You see, I bought tickets to the 2009 All-Star Game in St. Louis.  I’ll be there for all the fan festivities: old-timers game, home-run derby, futures game — four days of pure debauchery — and a possible encounter with Ms. Andrews herself… that is, as long as Joba Chamberlain doesn’t get in my way (but who would make him an All-Star this year anyway?).

Hate me ‘cuz I got skillz, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.




  1. juliasrants

    Jeff – you have a very understanding girlfriend. And make sure to take your camera – and hopefully a cameraman – with you to the All-Star game. We’d love to see full documentation of your “attempts” to woo Ms. Andrews.


  2. Erin Kathleen

    Yeah, girls can be kind of jealous when it comes to their boyfriends. I know. I feel the same way when other b*tches (the Red Sox) keep lusting after my man (Joe Mauer). Good luck in your efforts to get a date with the sideline princess, and in explaining things to your girlfriend if you actually do.


  3. redstatebluestate

    V — Thanks for your, um, support? LOL. It’s ridiculous, I know.
    Julia — Full documentation will follow. I guarantee it.
    Dillon — Thanks! She’s got a sister to ya know!
    Erin — Explanations are so… overrated 😉

  4. PAUL

    The love notes consisting of cut out letters from magazines is a warning sign to the recipient; and the handwriting might’ve frightened them too. Type, man; it’s less incriminating and harder to spot the intentions (as nefarious as they are).

  5. redstatebluestate

    Jane — I try to keep my personal life on the down low… unless it involves making a public fool out of myself 😉
    Prince — But I used a “Highlights” mag. Thought that would be safe (and friendly?).

  6. raysrenegade

    You should never be condemned by a woman for trying to seek an “upgrade”, but then again, that might be why I am still single after all these years.
    Erin Andrews might have been a tough nut to crack, but there is a bevy of cute braodcasters and reporters out there who love a baseball-loving man.
    You got to take a chance or you are not living your life to the fullest.
    Even a “No” is more than you got from her a week, or even seconds before speaking to her.
    She at least knows you are alive, even with a restraining order.

    Rays Renegade



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