Fireworks!!!

miss teen south carolina.jpgNothing says US American like a cute, dumb, South Carolinian teenager proclaiming our need to help the “education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as”… well, I mean, nothing says US American like that and fireworks.  Of course.

And boy are the fireworks a flyin’.

Satiating our drama-seeking souls, Placido Polanco provided plenty of fireworks after getting clipped in the nuts by a foul tip in last evening’s 16-inning game against the Twins.  He took a long, painful breather before getting back in the batter’s box and hitting the game-winning single right back up the middle.

In Cincinnati, Albert Pujols — BASEBALL GOD INCARNATE — made a strong case for his being walked with the bases loaded.  Instead, David Weathers (whom Albert owns) threw one right down central.  Pujols wasted no time in hitting his fourth grand slam of the season.

Still, these on the field heroics have nothing on the fireworks Sarah Palin shot off Friday by announcing her resignation as governor of the great state of Alaska.

We put our faithful RSBS interns on the beat and they discovered the following reasons behind Palin’s controversial gubernatorial departure:

  • Thumbnail image for sarah_palin.jpgAlaska is boring
  • wants to move to Canada, where people actually know what a “hockey mom” is
  • needs more time to combat pro-choice, but only in cases involving middle to upper class white people
  • Todd Palin is tired of being shown up by his librarian-hot wife
  • the Washington Nationals are holding tryouts and she’s been working on a knuckle ball
  • wants to hunt down Katie Couric, shoot her and feed her to bears
  • Lorne Michaels offered her a permanent role on SNL as the new reincarnation of Dana Carvey’s Church Lady (Tina Fey’s position as Palin will not change)
  • experimenting with new medical procedure that will allow her to “grow a pair”
  • embarrassed she misunderstood the TransCanada Pipeline project did not involve weed
  • earmarked billions to provide maps to US Americans out there in our nation who don’t have maps, which will eventually aid the education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as so everyone can plainly see that the “bridge to nowhere” does go to a town with a population of 50 people, all of whom desperately need maps to find that $442 million bridge

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Happy 4th, my fellow US Americans!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

18 comments

  1. flairforthedramatic

    Lol, hah, I knew you’d take this holiday to.. celebrate Miss South Carolina..
    “the Washington Nationals are holding tryouts and she’s been working on a knuckle ball” .. I don’t even think they would take her.. Nationals may suckk, but they, unlike Republicans, know better than that..
    If Palin is setting herself up for a run for president w/ this resignation.. we get to laugh at her all over again, what what! Lol..
    – V [ http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com ]

  2. redstatebluestate

    On the real, V. The day Palin leaves this earth is the day funny stops.
    Jen — We aim to please. Seriously, that bridge goes to a town of 50 people! And Palin flip-flopped positions on the subject… MUST HAVE BULLET POINTS 😉
    –Jeff

  3. Jonestein

    I was about to make a crack about her being an Obamessiah supporter because of the simpleton-attracting campaign catch phase “Yes, We Can”, but quickly realized I was showing wayyy too much confidence in her two, like, brain cells.

  4. redstatebluestate

    Johnny – We’ll be hearing about her for years to come I’m afraid.
    Jane — That’s a great idea! Get me her info and we’ll go from there.
    Steve — Golden. That would be golden.
    Jenn — Fox and Palin are in cahoots. Sad world.
    Dillon — Me too. Especially on the ballfield.
    FBC — Thanks. Back atchya!
    Erin — I haz one tooz.
    Jonestein — If you look closely, I think there are at least three.
    –Jeff

  5. raysrenegade

    Hey,
    She is still on my list of PILF, which of course doesn’t include Hillary.
    You got to think that a place that is famous more for a crabbing show than for anything else beside the sled race might need a better PR model than Palin.
    But she did what is expected of a politician, she gave people material for a year, and they are still using the “Palin” card.

    Great job by the inter. Be sure to insert an extra morsel of Snickers bar with almonds in their daily mush bowl.
    Always a pleasure to visit the RSBS. Maybe you can be our 51st state……….The State of Mind.
    I visit it already enough for citizenship

    Rays Renegade

    http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

  6. redstatebluestate

    RR — For that comment you get to be Governor of RSBS… if you’re up for the job that is 😉
    –Jeff

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