Literalism Always Trumps Idealism

jeff_allen_nats_pose.JPGIndeed, it is no secret that whilst in our bogarting college days, I brought my dubious and oft erratic colleague, Mr. Krause, up on a live stage in front of hundreds of people with the promise of providing wholesome entertainment only to publicly embarrass him by tying him down and shaving his overgrown forest of an otherwise pasty white chest.

Something tells me he hasn’t gotten over the humiliation.

Which explains his hurtful yet accurate tirade ridiculing the Julio Lugo/Chris Duncan exchange from earlier this week. 

But let me step away from the GOP-like mudslinging smackdowns and ask this simple question: Can we not just call this trade what it is?  Literally? 

It’s crap for crap.

And no, I ain’t happy about it.

But I have found that in the darkest of hours, the most tumultuous of times, the most republican of regimes, that sniffing through all the sugar-coating just to figure out what is really going on often brings out the heartiest of laughs. 

Don’t believe me?

Watch this:

Now if that doesn’t make you want to relive 1983 — and laugh all the way — then I don’t know what will.

I do know that giving up a top prospect (Brett Wallace) and some minor leaguers for the player formerly known as Matt Holliday (now just a shell of his former slugging self) is something that will keep the smiles off my face and torment my sleep patterns.  Until I see some serious power surge protection for Albert Pujols from our new unsignable Scott Boras client, I am not going to budge from my disgusted stance.  Ah, the pain… I cannot help but remember that Dan Haren and Kiko Calero trade for Mark Mulder a few years back.  But hey, if this motivates Tony LaRussa to stay on with the Cardinals, then I suppose it is more than worth it… that and as long as Jesus continues to hate the Cubs.

Happy Friday!  And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



*And a special RSBS cap tip to St. Louis boy, Mark Buehrle, for not only achieving perfection, but for providing me with uber-stimulation while I should have been working.



  1. devilabrit

    ok the vid’s frickin Lugolarious….but just gotta say….. suck it up Card boy your in the City of Brotherly Love for more pain and dissapointment…..(i hope)…. (he says with a devilish laugh) hehehehe
    Outside the Phillies Looking In

  2. redstatebluestate

    Julia — It did… then again, I saw it several days ago for the first time, before all of this happened.
    Metsmainman — No, Lugo was BAD with the Red Sox, mostly because of the money they gave him IMO.
    Devilabrit — Fingers crossed and voodoo doll ready… let’s get ready to ruuuuumbblllleeeeee!

  3. ohy22xd

    Lugo sucks and I hate him. He’s just so… BLEH! Gotta say, it’s a crappy move made by the Cardinals or Red Sox or whoever. At least you guys got Holliday. Things should be fine, except for having Lugo. Thanks for sharing the video. You made my day.

  4. iliveforthis

    Um… so who is this Matt Holliday that you got? 4-5 tonight? Maybe the Cards and the King were what he needed to make a turnaround. I was talking to my friend about the Red Sox and how I like Nick Green and he asked me why, and I used your argument that “his name isn’t Julio Lugo.” I thought you would’ve been proud.

  5. joefromnewhampshire

    Holliday actually started hitting at the end of his Oakland days though. So it could have just been league adjustment too. Although, I can’t see him ever putting up the numbers that he put up at Coors. But still, the Cardinals definitely improved their team *now*

  6. devilabrit

    okay..okay… so I have to bow down to the awesomeness of Pineiro’s pitching last night, he was good… that or the damn voodoo doll really works…. today is a little more worrysome, since I like Lohse and he too is a good pitcher… all back to zero’s though….
    Outside the Phillies looking In

  7. redstatebluestate

    Hyunyoung — Wow, you are very passionate about it! Lugo didn’t look so bad in his Cardinal debut last night. We’ll see. Hope I’m wrong.
    Emily — It’s so true.. glad it worked out for you. And if Matt can hit like that AND we can sign him at year’s end… I’m in.
    Joe — Again, it’s not about now (for me)… it’s about the future. Is he worth having for 2 months while Wallace and 2 others are gone forever?
    Devilabrit — Voodoo Voodoo Voodoo beware!

  8. Jonestein

    Alright Jeff, I’m convinced you are trying to kill me with laughter. EMS had to bust down the door to my house last night because both me AND Mrs. J were seizing on the floor with laughter from that vid! The EMS guy looked down at me and said “YOU again?!?”, from the other day at work when they got the call for me seizing in my cubicle over “Jesus Hates the Cubs”…LOL!
    I somehow doubt Bonnie Tyler could get away with making that video (the metaphorical version) in today’s anti-“Hot-for Teacher” environment. Note to the PervePolice: male students don’t mind at all if their hot teacher makes the move on them (see other 80’s Big-Hair Video from Van Halen).

  9. indianslove

    Haha! Nice Video! I think the Indians are one a mission to prove you wrong about them, Jeff. They dont win often, eh? They have won two in a row now, which they (sadly) haven’t done often this year. They have to be proving a point. Just kidding, just kidding. 🙂

  10. redstatebluestate

    Jonestein — I remember the Van Halen video well; and I promise you, I’m not trying to kill you, I’m just trying to toughen up your uncontrollable laughter skillz 😉
    TC — That’s an amazingly embarrassing stat… but I am happy for you. Really.
    Dillon — Exactly. Very true.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s