Major League Tool

nick swisher is a tool.jpg
Forget everything you already know about Nick Swisher. 

Nevermind his explosively jovial presence in the Yankee clubhouse.  Pay no attention to those 27 homeruns.  Disregard his selfless donations to community charity and his insatiable propensity for all-world positivism. 

This dude is a friggin’ tool.

Whether you focus on the plastic hook-tag still fastened to the top of his cap, the pantyhose wrapped around his right wrist, the forced bleary eyed smirk of a man you’d never let date your sister or the weak flash of a devil horn gang sign while mugging the camera, this Nick Swisher looks more like every frat guy you’ve ever hated.

Move over Tucker Max because apparently they do serve Swisher in hell.

Hate me ‘cuz I hate on the playuh, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



(*Image courtesy of Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)



  1. Erin Kathleen

    You do realize that by painting Nick Swisher as a callous, hard-partying, womanizing d-bag that you’ve made him even more attractive to female fans? That picture reeks of Natty Light and Axe body spray, and yet somehow I find him strangely appealing.

  2. redstatebluestate

    Jonestein — And you know Swish WAS that kid when he was little, with crusted cotton candy stains on his lovable cheeks.
    Prince — YES HE IS!!! WHOO HOO a la Jack^ss!
    Erin — Yep. That’s pretty much how life works. I’m working on my beating up bookworm skillz.
    Austin — Who says he does?

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jane — Nah. I don’t mind that Swish is doin’ well. Really, I don’t. I just think he’s a tool off the field, that’s all. And oh yeah, I love me some Wilson Betemit… no one gets DFA’d like Wilson.
    IBDB — Nope, you’re in good company with RSBS!
    Ginny — Thanks! It was sweet and we’re all geared up in Cardinal Nation. We hope to put a hurtin’ on those beasts from the AL East that knocked y’all out.
    Ted — Just remember that, Ted, when given the opportunity to become a frat boy. You will be destined for tooldom if you do.

  4. redstatebluestate

    Peter — How’d you get this inside information? Who do you work for? Are you on special assignment from the British Government? LOL.

  5. redstatebluestate

    Emily — I’m sure everyone feels real sorry for Tucker too 😛 He’s the King of the Tools.
    09indians — Touche.

  6. redstatebluestate

    I know, I know, Lisa… not generally my style but in this case… I had to hate on it. It won’t happen again (for a few minutes).

  7. flairforthedramatic

    Jeffy, this is the first time I WILL hate you.. but only because you’ve become the hatuuuh, lol.. Swish is the man!.. =P
    – V []

  8. redstatebluestate

    I figured you’d say something like that, V, if you saw it. LOL. It’s cool though. It had to be done.

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