Yankees Win; Well, At Least Vicente Padilla Shot Himself!

First, I tip my cap to the New York Yankees.

Congratulations on winning the World Series, fellas.  You kept me interested by keeping things interesting; you played great baseball all season long; you are champions of the universe.  You deserve — and receive — my recognition.

But I still don’t like you.

And that’s a good thing.  It’s good for me, good for you.  It’s good for baseball in general.

I am human and humans hold grudges… even if they are stupid. 

That’s right.  1996.  Three terrible things happened to me in 1996: Tupac Shakur was murdered.  The Yankees won the World Series for the first time since 1978.  And MC Hammer went bankrupt.

I can only hope that this present calamity is not followed by two equally devastating events.

vicente padilla tongue.jpgLuckily, it has coincided with at least one current positive from the baseball cosmos: Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher, Vicente Padilla (species name vicenteticus padillicarpeus), shot himself in the leg earlier this week near his home in Nicaragua, lending even more credence to the “Padilla Once Shot Himself In the Face” theory of explaining why he is so goddamn ugly.

Life is about balance.

I like it that way.

Y’feel me?

Hate me ‘cuz I hit neanderthals below the belt, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



(Image at the top courtesy of Three Frames)



  1. redstatebluestate

    Jonestein — Yep. Too easy. We like to make life a little more difficult than it need be… besides, Cheney shot a friend. I doubt Padilla has many friends under that cloak of ogre-ism.

  2. Erin Kathleen

    Well, the easy thing would have been to make a joke about Padilla going hunting with Plaxico Burress, but you guys are obviously better than that. That, and posting pictures of scantily clad women, is the sort of pandering to the lowest common denominator for lesser blogs that are only trying to drive up traffic. I am glad you guys are above that sort of thing 😉

  3. redstatebluestate

    Jane — Yes. That’s spit. Gross. I know.
    Emily — Yin/Yang, Black/White, Olbermann/O’Reilly. You betchya.
    Erin — Thanks for recognizing our high-brow methodology. You can bet that when we post pics of scantily clad women, there is an overall purpose, and that purpose is to educate. Sorta.

  4. redstatebluestate

    Prince, XCICIX & Jonestein — If that were to happen, I would writhe in my own self-serving slop of cheapshots and low blows. The world is not ready for such an event.

  5. devilabrit

    Way to go Jeff… now why would you use the word ‘universe’ when referencing a team that already believes it is the only sports franchise in the world, you just expanded there vocabulary…. going by Padilla’s pitching he could have been aiming anywhere….
    Outside the Phillies Looking In

  6. Saundra

    Neanderthals. Oh boy LOL.
    You took me back to ’96 (college), Tupac, Hammer, the Yankees, with these ugmo pictures alllll in one post. I was on information-gross overload. I totally forgot about Tupac getting killed–I didn’t like his music, but whatever. And poor MC Hammer. Yea when I read about Padilla, I couldn’t even imagine what happened–he shot himself in the leg? Goodness me.
    Yea, I guess I feel ya, I liked the post. 🙂


  7. Jonah

    I think Padilla is suffering a case of Burress syndrome. Any word on whether or not the weapon was concealed?

    I don’t think this is what his agent had in mind if he told Padilla to give it his “best shot” next season. Yikes.


  8. redstatebluestate

    Peter — Come on. You know they were all about the universe the whole time. How else could they knock off the champs? YOUR champs! Ouch.
    Saundra — Glad you liked that dig. We aim to please here. Always.
    Jonah — When you’re as oafy and gigantic as Padilla is, everything ends up getting concealed. Nice “best shot” dig. I like that. You got real potential 😉

  9. crzblue2

    I was checking the “recent comments” in the mlbblogs and saw one blog titled ‘Go Giants, Dodgers Sux.” Ahh, no I
    wont go there. “Redstatebluestate”, yeah much better choice.
    Should have guessed it was going to be about Jeff’s fav. What you gonna do if Padilla signs with the Cards?
    At another forum, I saw these comments from two different posters and thought about you Jeff.
    maybe he figured the bandages on his leg wound take the attention away from that ugly thing he calls a head
    Or the gun was aimed at Vicente’s head when it went off and the bullet took a left turn as it left the barrel and saw Vicente’s face? //

  10. redstatebluestate

    Those are classic, Emma. Thanks for sharing! Haha! If Padilla signs w/ the Cards I’ll welcome him and introduce him to a day spa where they can fix his, er… issues.

  11. ibleedpinstripes

    I find it hilarious that Padilla pulled a Plaxico. Stuff like that never gets old. And at least you can say you appreciate the Yankees for keeping things interesting… that’s more than I can say for some other fans out here in Blog Land. -_-” Kudos for keeping it civil, Jeff!

    – Lisa

  12. redstatebluestate

    Lisa, you’re the first one to call us “civil”. HAHAHA! We’ll take it though! *high fives & fist bumps*!

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