White Like Me

sammy sosa is white.jpgYep.  This is pretty weird.  And I bet you are wondering what exactly is going on. 

So are we.

That’s why, once again, we pitted our trusty RSBS interns to the task of discovering why Sammy Sosa is turning white.  After toiling for about twenty minutes, here is the shortlist of what they found:

  • Ran out of shower gel, bleach does a good job, life is rough in the D.R.
  • Wants to be remembered as a member of the White Sox; this is a good way to make that happen
  • Saw the ghost of Sammy past (circa 1989)
  • Planning a trip to the Northside of Chicago and doesn’t want to be recognized. Why? Urine Trough Diving. That’s why.
  • Combine Oxandrolone with Dignotamoxi add a little Methyltestosterone and BAM! You’re WHITE!
  • Sun bathing below the equator has a reverse tan affect, much like eating after midnight turns you into a Gremlin
  • The white skin came free with the Humphrey Bogart toupee package
  • Tired of living in the shadow of Mark McGwire, hopes being brighter will help him stand out while still stuck in the shadow of Mark McGwire
  • Took a look at the man in the mirror and decided to make that change
  • Sick of seeing Karl Rove have all the fun

Skin rejuvenation?  More like how could you make your image more of an abomination!

Hm.  Sounds better when I read that last sentence out loud.

Nevermind.

Just don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Getty Images)

25 comments

  1. raysrenegade

    I showed the picture of Sammy Sosa to a significant other of mine and she told me it is almost like that time on “Sex in the City” where Samantha got a chemical peel on her face and she looked like a ape’s booty for days.
    Now I am not a metrosexual, or even a prim and proper guy, but you got to have some really big vanity and ego problems to even try and stay young after you are not even playing anymore.
    But you also have to side with the fact we all do not like getting older, and maybe Sosa is having a worst time of it than most of us.
    Me, I hate the gray hairs ( can dye them) Hate the wrinkles(Botox anyone?), but I could never see myself mutilate the upper dermal surface of my skin and then go out in public.

    I have been called a babboon’s booty before, and I do not have to look like one too.

    Rays Renegade

    http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

  2. redstatebluestate

    RR — I like how you were clear enough to say “a significant other of mine” as opposed to “my significant other”. I always knew you were a player dude!
    Erin — Yikes! And to think Eddie wanted to DARKEN his skin.
    Saundra — Glad we could be of service. MC Rove is (and always has been) a HOT ticket!
    –Jeff

  3. greg1969

    So is Sosa trying to keep up with Wakefield, since he’ll be pitching until he’s 55? 😉 Check that birth certificate, eh? 😉

  4. devilabrit

    I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist this one…. I think though they just launched a new product from the UK in the DR and he has the staring role….


    okay so it’s not that funny but his look in that pic just reminded me of this dude… yeah I know I’m sick

    ~peter

  5. Elizabeth D.

    This is so weird. I’m feeling so many Michael Jackson references today. I mean, this reminds me of MJ, and Lady Gaga’s new video is a modern version of ‘Thriller’. Pretty crazy. Or it could just be the effects of steroids. No more lying to Congress, Sammy, we have visual proof!
    Elizabeth
    http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

  6. redstatebluestate

    Peter — no doubt following the phillies bullpen for all of 2009 left you a bit sick. Think of how sick cubs fans are!
    Elizabeth — if clemens and mcgwire turn black you will certainly have a case 🙂
    — jeff

  7. redstatebluestate

    Jonah — I’d pay about 50 cents to see that 😉
    BB — Threw up!?! Wow, dude… that’s some affective power he’s got there, eh?! Hang in there. You’ll make it.
    –Jeff

  8. redstatebluestate

    Jane — Like my mom always said, “Nothin’ gets your whites whiter than bleach.” I think Sammy is on the same page. And I prefer the generic Walgreens bleach to Clorox; Clorox makes me break out in hives.
    –Jeff

  9. redstatebluestate

    Lisa! That’s awesome! I LOL all the time. Nothin’ like LOL’n to sleep, work, etc. Haha. I just like that phrase… LOL. If you look closely at Sammy, you’ll know that ain’t no joke about the hair. For real.
    –Jeff

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