On Friday I fulfilled a lifelong personal dream!
I got to meet Larry Walker!!!
Actually, that’s a lie. I didn’t meet Larry Walker; but I did meet a very nice Canadian couple wandering the streets of Chicago looking for restaurant suggestions. The man’s name was Larry. And since all Canadians look alike, I think we can assume there isn’t much difference between the two.
All fooling aside, let it be known that Canadians are awesome! Awesome as in “awe” inspiring. They’re so friendly. They have funny accents. And they speak French!
Larry and his wife were so excited to talk to a real life US American (me) that once they got to talkin’, they started revealing all sorts of dark Canadian secrets — information I certainly shouldn’t be privy to. Oh well. Part of being a US American is not shying away from free enterprise. I’m sure Larry and his wife will understand. So here’s what I learned:
There Are No Death Panels
“We do have to wait in line sometimes for our x-rays and such,” said Larry, “but they certainly don’t make us wait in line during life threatening circumstances. And if you’re well off like we are, you can go to your own doctor on your own time if you want. The Canadian system of health care is great.”
Terrance & Phillip Characterizations Are More Accurate Than One Would Think
“We eat a lot of the same things Americans eat,” said Larry’s wife, “but the lower temperatures seem to wreak havoc on our bowels. We try to avoid Mexican food all together.”
Not All Canadians Live In Igloos
“My brother still lives in one,” said Larry, “but he’s a moose hunter and moose hunters are… well, they’re just a bit off, eh?”
Canadians Think US Americans Are Silly
“George W. Bush? Really? You guys voted for him… twice!” said Larry’s wife. “That’s silly to us. And you’re always scared. Fearful. No one’s going to blow up the Sears Tower. Chicago isn’t important on the world map. That’s like saying they’ll blow up the Stade Olympique. Why would anyone do that? Yet so many of you Americans are convinced your local Wal-Mart is the next target. Haha.”
I asked them: “What do you think of when you hear the name Joe Carter?”
Larry and his wife looked at each other and said, in unison, “Touch ’em all, Joe!”
How can we not love Canadians? Seriously.
Hate me ‘cuz I get all international on you, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right: Canadians are people too.