Over the last few days and the last couple blog posts I became worried about my friend, Jeff. No matter how I tried to reason with him, it seemed as though my proffered logic went in his ears but nothing coherent came back out. I couldn’t understand why all I heard was a pulsating message, “The Tigers will lose.”
However, I had some time to ponder these events today and I realized that I needed to think bigger than just some perceived personal slight. And as I started to assemble the pieces a horrible truth slowly dawned on me. Jeff’s head has turned into a black hole.
It all makes sense. All those hours watching the MLB Network. All those baseball statistics. The Cardinals 2006 World Series win. As all of these elements slowly expanded Jeff’s head, it was inevitable that a point of no return would come and the laws of physics would demand a reckoning. That day has come. Maybe it was a reanalysis of the Cardinals probable opening day pitching rotation. Maybe it was a second look at last year’s AL Central standings followed by a reassessment of this year’s predictions. Whatever it was, it was the final straw and with it, Jeff’s head began to collapse inward on itself.
Black holes are dangerous things, people, and I only bring this to you because I care about Jeff and don’t want him to hurt anyone. Just remember, if you hear him saying irrational things and read more of his illogical arguments, it is not Jeff the man doing it. It’s Jeff the black hole. And, as we all know, what happens in a black hole SHOULD stay in a black hole. Apparently this one has wi-fi in it, though.
-Image via Skull Swap