A Filibustering Re-Do

redo.jpgIn case you haven’t noticed, dear readers, my extended metaphor-inclined and oft obstinate colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, is absolutely full of shizzle.  Horsey dung.  Donkey doo.  Ya feel me?

Of course you do.

Because Karrie from Chicago asked us: “So who would win in a fight between you two?” and Mr. Krause’s silly reply was nothing more than a futile exercise of imagination consternation.

He said:

“…a fight between me and Jeff ends with two big hits: me hitting him and
him hitting the floor. Boom, ship it!”

Hilarious.

And wrong.

Certainly, I could stand my ground and explain to you that I am smarter, stronger and more charming than Mr. Krause, and that all those attributes would be more than enough to outduel him anywhere, anytime.  However, I realize there is no way of proving that save kicking his real @s$.  Mr. Krause — silly as he is at times — is still my friend, someone I would feel bad about murdering, so let us turn to some more concrete evidence:

Mr. Krause’s Strat-O-Matic card:

Column 1

2 – Cries
3 – Yells “Mommy!”
4 – Runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays
5 – Hits self in face, bleeds, spits, passes out
6 – Puts on a dress and calls himself Ellen
7 – Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND yells “Mommy!”
8 – Dies… but not really
9 – Begs for forgiveness
10 – Sh!ts himself
11 – Puts on lipstick, high heels and sings “Memory” in a pristine falsetto
12 – Takes off his dress, gets on his knees and pleads for mercy…THEN Cries, runs away while the theme song to “My Little Pony” plays AND
yells “Mommy!”

Of course, Column 2 and Column 3 of his Strat-O-Matic card are quite similar, so I will refrain from posting the redundancy that is his inability to equal me in a match of pure brawn.

Just like his 2006 Detroit Tigers, Mr. Krause can’t handle my Wainwright-esque curveballs.

Hate me, Al! Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

9 comments

  1. devilabrit

    Now I know what a Strat-O-Matic is.

    Don’t ask me why, cause I dont know… but this post made me think of this



    and now I can’t get it out of my head, so your to blame and so you get it too….

    -peter

  2. redstatebluestate

    Peter — You can call Al Al, but you can call me Jeff. Does that make sense? Lol.
    Mike — AHAHAHA! Matt Nokes. I was gonna say, Al is even better than Vance Law, but going between the Thrill & Nokes might be more fitting.
    –Jeff

  3. redstatebluestate

    Austin — I like your idea…
    Jane — I like your idea too, except for the animal part, unless you were talkin’ about the naked female referee.
    –Jeff

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