Mayor… Daley… Is… Outta Here!

mayor daley chicago.jpg
That’s right, dear readers.  The ginormously ugly head of the Chicago political machine is callin’ it quits.  He’s done.  Out. 

For good.

The last time Chicago saw such expeditious light, names like Doug Dascenzo and Danny Pascua anchored both sides of the Second City’s streets, while far across the globe, the Soviets were just gettin’ out of Afghanistan, after the United States ignited what would later turn into the biggest American tragedy of all time.

In other words, Mayor Daley’s been around a while.  Perhaps too long.  And we Chicagoans have gotten used to his turbulent tendencies.

So who in the heck is gonna replace him?!?

Don’t worry, folks.  The hardworking RSBS interns have put together a shortlist of candidates, all of whom come highly recommended:

mike quade.jpg
Mike Quade
Sure, a
month ago none of us knew who he was.  But having gone 9-4 in his first
13 games as the Cubs manager, let it be known that no Chicagoan has ever
done more with less than Mike Quade.  Believe that.

rod blagojevich.jpgRod Blagojevich
see… He’s a democrat.  He’s a Chicago hardliner.  He’s abrasive. 
He’s on the take.  He’s got “friends” that wouldn’t flinch in breaking
your legs.  He primps for the camera.  He’s full of himself.  He dreams
bigger than he can act.  And he thinks the world revolves around him. 
If that’s all that’s required of the mayor of Chicago then someone give
this guy the key!

And… one final candidate to consider:

jeff with his catalogue.jpgMe!
Why not?  I live in Chicago.  I love Chicago.  Hell, I am Chicago (don’t believe me? Ask me to do my super fan
impression sometime).  Seriously, why wouldn’t I be a good candidate
for the job?  Because I love the Cardinals?  Because I might burn down
Wrigley Field?  So what, I support the Sox and I’d build a bigger,
better Wrigley (to house the Expos I plan to bring back once I get rid
of the sCrUBS).  Okay, so maybe I’m lying about all that — Hey, I’m a
liar! That qualifies me on its own! —  but I will say that I, too, hate
paying the highest sales tax in the country.  I, too, am tired of
reading gang and gun-related headlines.  Let’s make a change, people. 
Let’s get deep dish pizza in all the schools and make it mandatory that
baseball theory is taught to every kindergartner, before they find out about basketball or football.

Hate me ‘cuz you don’t believe that ‘yes, we can’… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.




  1. rrrt

    Blagojevich has possibly the stupidest looking hairdo I have ever seen on a man. It looks like he’s hiding something under there. I bet he uses enough hair products to make himself highly flammable.
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

  2. raysrenegade

    That is the great part of this country, even a baseball fan can become President!
    Why not campaign for Mayor, or at least get a nice comfortable small term as a city official for a bit and see which lkegs you have to pull before you “officially” go all in for a campaign.
    With the Daley legacy done ( until his kids gain access to the politcal clout machine) for now, it is time for even a man of the common people to rise high and mighty amongst the crowd.
    Just do not predict or promise a World Series win….just yet. Wait for the final election to pop that out.

    Rays Renegade

  3. redstatebluestate

    Sue — Agreed. I’ve heard it called the “Lego” hair.
    Mike — Yes! I’ll do a dance! Maybe!
    RR — Predict a WS win? Nah, I’d rather go for a Superbowl prediction, if only the Bears were halfway decent.

  4. redstatebluestate

    Jane — I hope it’d go better than the whole Erin Andrews thing.
    Prince — Meh. Already forgotten.
    Virginia — Yeah, gotta start while they’re young!

  5. theheirloom

    Jeff, if you can work the neighborhoods and the wards, you can take Daley’s seat. You have the right politics and you love everybody. You may not get the wards that are heavy on Cubs fans, but, hey, you can go into the runoff nicely.

    Now, if you excuse me, I have to talk to the lady running against Bachmann…

    *re-lights cigar* 🙂

  6. bklyntrolleyblogger

    You’re a liar? See Villiage People Post. I cast a vote for Johanna Mahmud!!! Mahmud for Mayor!!! spread the word yo because Jesus Hates The Cubs!!


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