Understanding Ozzie

ozzie guillen crazy.jpgWhether he’s hawking random expletives, labeling Jay Mariotti as “a garbage” or mumbling Spanglish idioms no one understands during the World Series on Fox, Ozzie Jose Guillen is always entertaining.

And while his latest project may be getting Jake Peavy to respect his own body (regarding injury, not that Jesusy “your body is a temple” stuff), we should all certainly stop to thank the baseball gods that, despite his busy schedule, Ozzie still has time to tweet.

Oh yes. 

Ozzie tweets.

It’s just that… sometimes, his tweets… they’re not easy to comprehend.  And that’s where RSBS and our faithful interns get to work!

Let us enter the interwebs to analyze some of Ozzie’s latest…

My dog dh needs a gf he want to be charlie sheen he is desperate lol
March 3, 2011
Translation: I think it’d be funny if my dog did a bunch of coke, assaulted hookers and got fired from the best job in television, ‘cuz let’s face it: self-destruction is hilarious.

Very nice day off great golf 89 finnaly play good any cuestion ask oney lol yesssss
March 15, 2011
Translation: Punctuation?  Spelling?  I don’t need no stinking punctuation or spelling!  Ask one of my delinquent sons!

Nice shot james lol

February 24, 2011
Translation: Bet you wish you had a Derrick Rose, right, LeBron?!?!  (this tweet came during one of the Bulls’ three victories over the Heat — right after LeBron threw up a humiliating BRICK towards the end of the game.)

Open a jack in the box in chicago please
February 24, 2011
Translation: I have an E Coli addiction and I need a fix!  Stat!

And, finally…

Getting ready to watch bruno the movie lol… Joey cora favorite movie
March 19, 2011 (Pt. 1 and Pt. 2)
Translation: Joey Cora is gay.

Folks, this is but a small sampling of the logorrheic ramblings Ozzie spews on a daily basis, which is definitely cause to celebrate technocracy.  Just imagine if Earl Weaver had a twitter… oh boy.

Hate me, I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.




  1. mdaggy@ameritech.net

    Jeff, Thanks for making my afternoon! If only we could hook up for a game, or a beer, and i could pick that baseball mind of yours. Hilarious!
    Mike D.

  2. redstatebluestate

    Mike, we still can! I still live in Bridgeport. I know it didn’t happen last year but this is a new season yo! And I’m definitely gonna be watchin the Sox.

  3. redstatebluestate

    Emma — Chances are, had you talked to him you still wouldn’t know what he was saying. LOL.
    Mike — I’m on it!

  4. redstatebluestate

    Prince — I wholeheartedly agree.
    Jane — I know! I’d be reading Yogi’s every day. I’m sure Earl Weaver’s would be a bunch of expletives. Wonder what Babe’s would say….

  5. theheirloom

    I have Ozzie on my Twitter – and you have confirmed that he is funnier than Shaq on there! There is one tweet from Oz a month or so ago about a “Meat Lover” that is funny as hell! Funny enough that I misconstrued for something else other than a pizza…bless his heart.

    – Randy

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