The Filibuster

Every time I turn on the TV or check the news, all I hear is budget this
and spending that.  And it seems like there’s a race to see who can
slash the most and do it quickly.  If MLB took the same approach, what
could be cut and what should be cut?

Skokie, IL

Oh, dude… Ramon… spending cuts in baseball?!?  Well, it’s your lucky friggin’ day, my friend, ‘cuz I’ve just been waiting — WANTING — to slash the baseball budget for eons — to shred it back to its more recognizable roots. 

Here’s but a shortlist of what could and SHOULD be cut from baseball, all together:little league pirates.jpgUniform Spending
You get one home uni and one road uni.  One.  Each.  You rip it or get it dirty or stained, you deal with it, just like in little league.  I don’t care if ya gotta run a shoestring through your pants to keep ’em up, you do it.  And none of this alternate jersey crap.  White.  Gray.  That’s it.  Also, we’re making them out of wool.

Beer Prices
It’s bad enough I gotta pay $44 friggin’ bucks to be assualted by the plebeian tongues of Chicago sCrUBS fan bleacher bums at Wrigley, but to pay $7.25 for a 16 oz can-o-crap (Bud Light)… someone oughta be caned for that sort of crime.

“God Bless America”
Um… if we HAVE to sing this during the seventh inning, then we HAVE to sing “Here Comes Santa Claus” too, ‘cuz Santa Claus is MY favorite mythical creature, m’kay?  Whether you believe in god or not, this song has no place in our grand game.  To make me stand up to prove I’m a patriot is even more asinine.  I love my country because my country says I don’t have to conform to some crazy ideas thought up by a crackpot who has his own best interests in mind.  Also, by mandating this song be sung, we are excluding our friendly neighbors to the north, who’ve never been the same since losing the Expos.  Frankly, I’ve never been the same since losing the Expos… so let’s find a non-religious song that exemplifies NORTH America’s awesomeness… like, how about something by Rush? 

Get that done, Ramon, and we get our game back. 

I mean, seriously… have you seen Rush play live?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.



– – –

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  1. raysrenegade

    Thank goodness the cuts did not go into the Designated Hitter budget, or the Rays would possibly be 0-14. Even though the DH has not always bee kind to the Rays, except maybe Jose Canseco and Jonny Gomes, it is a necessity in today’s American League landscape.
    While you at it, $ 6.00 for a tube of stainless steel spun tubular mystery meat in a bun seems a bit high too. But I guess someone has to pay for those Rays team (cheerleaders)…I would slash them first even before the Carvel ice cream vendor in the stands.
    So many slashes, so little time.
    Beer prices will go lower, but then drinking out of a thimble doesn’t fit baseball…Sigh.

    Rays Renegade

  2. Michael David

    Cutting budgets would be great all arounds, especially in the salary department. Two uniforms would be great…there moms or wives could sew them up if they got a little tear in it, or something. When I was a kid it was COOL to have a worn out uniform, ’cause that meant you were playing hard.
    Rush is in Michigan, at the Palace…TONIGHT…better hit the road, Jeff.

  3. blithescribe

    MLB should slash the research budget for extending instant replay right down to nothing, save money and do the world a favor in the process.
    An inspired idea on the Rush, Jeff. Yes, I have seen them play live. Twice. Oh. My. Wow! Neal Peart is a god whose super powers are best appreciated live.
    – Kristen

  4. theheirloom

    Pop for $5.00 is a misdemeanor. Aquafina (or Dasani) for the same amount is a felony! It’s water, for f***’s sake! There’s fountains for free around the ballpark…unless you’re paranoid that you might someone else’s cooties!

    The worst crime of all – selling Stella at the ballpark. Why?

    – Randy

  5. redstatebluestate

    RR — I need a lot thimbles.
    Mark — That song especially is the bomb.
    Jeremy — I’d rather have two anthems… at least they make sense.
    Catherine — Don’t fall for the trap!
    Kristen — Surprisingly, I don’t really mind the instant replay too much the way it is now… I’d even like them to expand it. (Long story)
    Randy — I don’t mind classy beers at the ballpark. In Oakland, you can get a Fat Tire… you have to take out a loan to buy it but you can get one.

  6. redstatebluestate

    Jane — Madness is just what it is too!
    Prince — Oh, man… speaking of madness, you are seriously warped when it comes to musical taste then (hate to say it). How can you possibly hate Rush? That’s like hating little old ladies or apple pie. Dude, Rush is one of the greatest bands of all time…. on talent alone!

  7. Jonestein

    This might surprise you, but here in JesusLand, we only have to endure that idiotic song and the peer-pressure patriotism on Sundays. Go figure. Of course, I never stand for it and usually have to empty my patriotic bladder by the mid-7th anyway.
    (Rush = Bad ***, tanky for the vid)

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