Judge Lest Ye Be Judged

Sad news: only one more day until the world ends, dear readers. Indeed, it’s days like today when I really wish the Mayans knew what the hell they were talkin’ about.

Instead, we all wait in weary anticipation of a 2,000 year old Jewish zombie (they call him “The Jesus”) so he can come down from the skies and act as Judgey McJudges-a-lot.

Ordinarily, I ain’t much of a judgmental person.  I let folks be as they be, even if they be crazy.  But if The Jesus — a supposed paragon of virtue — is gonna come down and act a judgin’ fool, then I’d like to get in on that action too, just for today.

So here ya go.  Let the judging begin!

Yankees fans, I’m judging you.  You lost six measly games in a row and suddenly the sky is falling?!  When my Cubs fans friends (yes, I have a few) watch their team lose six games in a row they call it “April”.  And don’t even get me started on M’s fans or Pirates fans… jeesh.

Mitt Romney, I’m judging you.  Come on, dude.  How can you pass universal healthcare in your state and still call yourself a Republican?!?  Not only that, but how am I supposed to take you seriously when you believe in a book that was “translated” by a whackjob “aided” by an invisible bearded man in the sky?

National Football League… oh yes, I’m judgin’ the hell out of you.  Didn’t you learn ANYTHING from baseball?!?!  Good grief!  Don’t you know that the strike of ’94 nearly KILLED the national pastime?  You may benefit from having less intelligent constituents, but even the ignorant have a hard time forgiving betrayal.  Just ask Whitney Houston.

Donald Trump, I’m judging you.  The birther thing, well, I can see past that.  But your hair.  Seriously.  It’s not funny anymore.  It’s disturbing.  I’m sure there’s a crime being committed there.

And finally, as we prepare to say ‘see ya’ to the cosmos…

MLB throwback uniforms, I’m judging you.  If we’re gonna bring back the baby blue road duds… if we’re gonna bring back the Oakland puke yellow tops… if we’re gonna bring all this stuff from the 70s and 80s back in earnest, then we need to stop making them in the baggy size.  Everyone in his/her right mind knows that those only work if we can see some protruding jock action.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Thursday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.





  1. WrigleyRegular

    Some throwbacks should be thrown back, but I really like both the Atlanta and Philly jerseys. I can picture Bob Horner crushing a homer off Dennis Lamp now

  2. Phillies Outside

    We all know they went to the baggy uni’s cause the ‘roid’ use was embarrassing to the jock area, so I say ‘HELL YEAH’ make them throw backs tight again.

    So come day after the end do we look to the NWO for guidance cause obviously if the world doesn’t end then how do we take seriously those book thumpers that we never really took seriously anyway…


  3. Red State Blue State

    WR — I like them… just not baggy. Those were never worn baggy in the good ole days!
    Peter — Good call on the roid trickle down effect. Never thought of that before.
    Jenn — Yes! She can fix anything!
    Mark — Duck for cover!!! Or, just drink more!

  4. Randy Stern

    Throwbacks: Some are a win, some a fail. I love the Civil Rights Game throwbacks, though!
    The NFL: At least a few are stepping up to discuss GLBT issues, but the lockout and ignorance elsewhere in the league: Everybody wants to be like Deion Sanders. ‘Nuff said.
    Trump: “Sorry, Donald, you’re fired! Now, out!”
    Romney: I look a bit further back to his father – the former head of American Motors. ‘Nuff said.
    The Rapture: Anita Baker had a lovely song about that…

    – Randy

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