Top 10 Ways I Avoided the Pujols Press Conference

10.  Beer

9.  Acetone

8.  Subjected Myself to Amy Grant’s Greatest Hits

7.  More Beer

6.  Whisky

5.  NBA Network

4.  Dissected a Battery, Smoked What I Found, Had a Conversation with a Fern

3. Murder (Not Telling… HINT: Involved a Smurf)

2.  Boilermaker

1.  This Video… Over and Over and Over Again…

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.




  1. This is a very simple game...

    Hey, I’m sure that smurf had it coming and, as house plants go, ferns are known for being good listeners, but Amy Grant’s Greatest Hits, Jeff? That’s some serious self-harm there. I wasn’t going to say anything, but maybe it’s time you looked for some outside help. Bars, for example, are usually found outside one’s home and not generally known for playing Amy Grant…and occasionally they contain ferns, so there you go.
    — Kristen

  2. Emma

    I feel for you Jeff. It was not a good for us Dodger fans either. At the same time that that announcement was made, we heard about our first baseman James Loney was accused of spitting at a
    cop after being arrested over his part in a multiple-car accident. No bueno.

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