The Filibuster
What happened to the Twins?
Seth S.
Saint Paul, MN
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Ah, yes, the Minnesota Twins. What did happen to those paragons of fundamentally sound baseball? An analysis of such depth requires patience, dedication and an insatiable hunger for the truth, so I put the RSBS interns to the task and they have provided the following slide show:
2010
New ballpark! Yay! It’s…er… HUGE!
I CAN HAZ $184 MILLIONS!?!? IN EXCHANGE I’LL STOP HITTING HRs!
Ouch! Who turned out the lights?!?
DOH! DAMN THOSE DAMN YANKEES… AGAIN!!!
2011
Never fear! Tsuyoshi Nishioka is here!
And then… his leg is broken. Thanks for nothing, Nick Swisher! Damn you, damn Yankees!!!
And the rest of the Twins 2011 clubhouse… barely breathin’.
2012
Y U NO MOVE IN FENCES!?!? AGGH!!!
When will Justin’s ouchy-head be fixed? I need help, dammit!
Aaaaand this guy…
Nope, not even the healthy return of Morneau could make the pain of the above image go away. In fact, 2012 sorta seems like a good time to reset everything. Surprisingly, the Twins do have some decent offensive production (Mauer, Morneau, Willingham, Plouffe), but their pitching has been atrocious. Like, Kent Hrbek farting in your face type of “atrocious”. The average ERA of their six starters is over 5 and they have been blown out (lost by 5+ more runs) 23 times so far. And the bullpen? YIKES! Don’t ask them to hold a lead ‘cuz it’ll be difficult!
Like old baseball men love to say, “You’re only as good as your pitching”, and, well, when your pitching resembles the bottom of a porta-potty and the rest of the team can’t stay healthy, awful is pretty much what ya get. Don’t believe me? Ask the perennial sCrUBS.
Hate me ‘cuz I made you look at that famous Mauer back hair guy again, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff (and interns)
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Don’t forget the twenty-and-a-half quality relievers they lost in the 2010-11 offseason. Plus the fact that they got rid of a guy who could have been a quality catcher to put in place of Joe Mauer for….Matt Capps?
-Mateo
http://mateofischer.mlblogs.com
Yep. Some odd front office decisions there.
Yeah, the Minny pitching sucks, and they don’t have the advantage of the dome anymore, which hurts also. They’ll probably win another Central title before the Tigers do, though…
–Mike
LOL! You’re probably right, Mike!
Yikes, that looks like a story board in anticipation of the scariest little golden book ever, sure to terrorize generations of children into brushing their teeth, eating their vegetables, and avoiding spending billions to build a ballpark their players have trouble hitting in.
— Kristen