Throughout the New York-Detroit ALDS, both Yankees and Tigers fans had to be wondering, “Where is A-Rod?” I know that up until his final strikeout, I was sure he’d show up at some point. But he never did. Luckily, no missing persons report had to be filed because a photographer in Miami finally found him:
Do you think he lives at that parking meter or is he just hiding out?
As a result of some recent trends in male hygiene including facials, manicures and waxing and due to the ability of some well-known male artists like Justin Bieber to call the entire idea of masculinity into question, many pundits of different creeds, colors and class have tried to reclaim the idea of manhood. This reclamation seems to center on the Paleo movement, wilderness retreats and a new found appreciation for beards. However, I question the basic premise.
Yes, there are disturbing trends. For instance, Mark Sanchez:
But is that really any different than this?
Well, as a matter of fact, yes. It doesn’t matter what Sean Connery is wearing. Even if he was getting a cucumber facial while a small Vietnamese woman applied wax to his nether regions, Sean Connery is still James Bond. And he’s a man who may get photographed wearing a wedding dress but could also make this little number his b**ch:
The problem is not so much a lack of manhood. It’s just that for every Daniel Craig, we have two or three Ashton Kutchers. That’s not a good ratio.
There’s probably not a whole lot we can do, though. The death knell sounded the day we went from this:
It always comes back to A-Rod.
A recent study illustrated what you already knew: Nice guys really do finish last. But this should come as no surprise to anyone. People don’t usually gush about how nice Carlos Slim is or wax eloquent on Warren Buffet’s warm hugs. This also explains a bit about baseball.
The highest paid baseball player is Alex Rodriguez. It also just so happens that A-Rod is recognized as a world-class dick. Coincidence? Probably not. Same goes for Michael Jordan and the trash-talking skills that he brought along with his ridiculous game:
However, if there’s one guy who truly embodies this principle, it’s Vladimir Putin. If there’s a meaner, cockier person out there, I dare you to prove it. He gets the girl. He gets the treasure. He gets whatever he wants. Why? Because he’s Vladimir F***ing Putin, that’s why.
If you have any other questions, perhaps you’d prefer to take them up directly with Mr. Putin.
And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles…
“KEITH, GET A BUCKET!”
After Jeff and Allen dragged Johanna’s almost lifeless body out of the Lollapalooza bullpen, the RSBS crew sat down to smack down on all-things baseball. Joined midway by special guest, Tim Baffoe of The Heckler and AM 670 The Score, everybody gets in on the roller coaster that is Chicago baseball, Tony LaRussa versus the World, Derek Jeter’s legacy and a hypothetical question involving the conflicting theologies of Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton.
This is some shizz ya ain’t gonna wanna miss!
And make sure to follow Tim Baffoe (aka the Ten Foot Midget) on Twitter. Dude’s got a lock on sports satire!
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*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his sweet Undercast. And, also, if you haven’t already, check out the teaser to his film-in-progress and don’t be afraid to help a brotha out!
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Recorded Saturday, August 6, 2011
Lot of talk about weiners, Weiners and Weiner’s weiner the past couple weeks. This is nothing new in the sports universe, though, especially in the NFL. However, which MLB player do you think will most likely find himself involved in some sort of similar scandal?
Big Rapids, MI
As is the case with most famous weiner (and Weiner) related exposés, the following will certainly be an exercise in self-restraint, as I think we all know the immense public propensity to go for the easy male-member joke. But the easiest joke here, as far as I can tell, is that the Rep. Anthony Weiner scandal is even a scandal at all!
I am not saying we should give the guy a medal of honor or anything, but, what exactly did he do to warrant a public scandal of such magnitude? So he donned a swaggering internet persona and talked dirty to some chicks online… and then didn’t have sexual relations with any of them? Um, okay, if this illegal then somebody come lock my @$$ up!!!
Yes, Rep. Weiner is a creepazoid. So what? Aren’t most politicians? From my vantage point, Weiner didn’t break any laws. He didn’t physically hurt anyone. He is only guilty of being stupid — of being aloof and naive a la John Edwards to mistakenly think the interwebs are a completely private domain and that interacting with folks in a lewd manner outside of his marriage would never be revealed by the parties involved.
Like our future 45th president alludes, the online lust-quest has become common for modern man; and this “scandal” is really something that should be left between Rep. Weiner and his wife. Unless he’s Marv Albert-ing these women or wasting tax dollars on callgirls, I don’t see how any of this is of public interest.
But since you asked, Eric, what MLB player would most likely find himself in the same Weinerific situation, I gotta say, right now, it would have to be Adam Dunn.
I mean, come on… SOMETHING is eating at the Big Donkey and it ain’t Ozzie Guillen! When a perennial homerun monster like Dunn suddenly lives under the Mendoza line with only a handful of bombs while playing his home games at launching-pad Sox Park, and it’s mid-June, something ain’t right.
Hmm… you thought I was gonna say A-Rod, didn’t ya? Well, A-Rod probably does take lewd photos of his “attributes” with intentions of sending them out to virtual partners; however, I think his tenacious love for himself would force him to keep such images for his eyes only.
Hate me, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster? Want a free pimp for your blog? How ’bout coaxing Allen to go back to living as a woman? Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing email@example.com or by commenting below.
Why does everyone get so excited about the whole playoff beard
phenomenon? This is nothing new. It happens every year with lots of
different teams. Isn’t it time for a different trend?
Oh, wait. You meant hair on faces. Ok, sorry about that. Wrong beard. Although the point still stands.
But, you’re right. Playoff beards, whether of the A-Rod variety or the hairy face version, are not exactly news. It happens in baseball. It happens in hockey. Football definitely sees it share. I guess I’d like to see baseball players try something a little different. I have two suggestions.
The first thing I’d like to see in baseball is the midsummer slump beard instead of the playoff beard. Imagine that your team has looked terrible for the first half season and the All-Star Break is coming up. In order to give yourself some momentum heading in to the layoff, you all grow beards. Not only does this show team spirit, it also shows some balls. Think about. The Houston Astros with full on beards in the middle of July? That’s hardcore. The itchiness and beard sweat alone would be enough to drive you crazy. Add in some sort of pact about not being allowed to shave until you’ve won two or three series and you might find just the motivation you need.
The other possibility would be taking the playoff beard to higher level. I don’t want to see three days worth of stubble. I want a full-on, Osama Bin Laden “I’ve been living in a cave for five years” kind of beard. Cliff Lee is imposing on the mound. Just imagine him sporting some Gandalf-style whiskers and hitters losing the ball in his beard as it leaves his hand. Now that’s an intimidation factor.
Playoff beards have become a cliche but it doesn’t have to be this way. There’s still time to reinvent the beard. Hey, if A-Rod can do it with Madonna, we can do it with this tradition.
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We all have something to say. The difference is in how and when we choose to say it.
The nice thing about blogging is that we get to say it when we want to and, with the exception of a few words that our hosts choose to censor, we get to say what we want.
The Freedom of Speech guaranteed under the Bill of Rights is arguably the most powerful right we have as Americans. It’s the reason Orel Hershiser can thank god after winning a game and the reason why I can tell him that god doesn’t exist. It’s the reason A-Rod and his agent can announce a contract extension during the middle of a World Series in which he isn’t playing and it’s also the reason why I can say that I think A-Rod and his agent are both worthless kangaroo placentas.
Around this time of year the debate over what constitutes free speech ratchets up another level, though. Political adversaries regularly find a way to push their constitutional freedoms to illogical extremes. It’s not enough to say you disagree. If you can’t figure out how to disagree and simultaneously accuse your opponent of raping and/or clubbing baby seals, you’re just not doing your job.
That’s why I choose to stand aside from name-calling and ad hominem attacks this post-season and political season. I will not mention the Yankees’ illegal dog-fighting ring in which they set underfed terriers against various members of the Royals’ bullpen unless I have proof. And I refuse to talk about Joe Biden and Christine O’Donnell’s secret Wiccan connection until no doubt remains in my mind to its veracity.
Additionally, I call on my co-blogger, Mr. Lung, to publicly announce his willingness to toe this line. That is, if he’s not too busy fantasizing about he and Albert Pujols holding hands while clubbing and/or raping baby seals.