Tagged: Alfonso Soriano

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Graphic Truth: Ways to Strikeout Alfonso Soriano

While eschewing the seasonal “will the Cardinals be able to sign Albert Pujols” question, I stumbled across this gem among some old game notes and strategies for getting out Cubs.
graphic truth soriano.JPG

Ah, nothin’ hurts more than the truth.

At least he’s only signed for four more years at *gulp*, $18 million a year.

Uh… yah.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I know bad math when I see it.  And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

RSBS Presents: Pain

jeff running houston half.jpgMy morose and oft despondent colleague, Mr. Krause, recently addressed our mutual passion for the sport of long distance running, and in doing so, alluded to the fact that such passionate loyalty requires a certain tolerance for pain. 

Indeed, running begets pain.  But said pain often calluses the soul, prepares it for the ultimate fight — whether physical or mental — and breeds a certain unparalleled toughness that can guide one through any hardship.  This I know.

Pain is a binding precursor to ecstasy.  Without it, we wouldn’t know a good thing if it hit us in the face… which, would be ironic in this case, because — depending on what the object hitting us in the face is — that could possibly hurt.

But I digress. 

Perhaps the following irony deficient examples will help better illustrate my point:

Jayson Werth cigar.jpgJayson Werth
(aka Nipple Abrasions — minor yet aggravatingly debilitating)
Congratulations, Washington Nationals, on signing Alfonso Soriano 2.0!  No, seriously, I really am happy for you.  I mean, y’all have had some painfully troublesome moments in your six year history… y’know, like, sucking and all.  Then Strasburg went down… Dunn got away… and now you dole out $18 million a year for SEVEN YEARS to your division rival’s 32 year-old third fiddle.  Um… okay.  The bad news is: you got screwed.  The good news is: it’ll be over in seven years.  By then you will be so learned, so deteriorated, so callused by anguish that every little victory will seem colossal.  Maybe you’ll even smile.  Maybe.

usa-flag-inside-map.jpg‘Merican Politics
(aka Plantar Fasciitis — excruciatingly biting, often chronic)
Eight years of Dubya.  A war in Afghanistan.  A war in Iraq.  The continued waste of an asinine war on drugs, on poverty, on progression in general.  The complete upheaval of congress from one extreme to another, to another, then back to where it started again.  We don’t have healthcare, we do have healthcare, we don’t have healthcare.  We’ve no jobs.  Our farmers are forced to grow crap crops to make corn syrup which is then injected into all your food so that you are prone to overeat, become obese, get diabetes and die.  Yeah.  That’s some real pain right there; makes Canada sound like the Playboy Mansion.  Ms. Teen South Carolina, you with me?

pirates fan.jpgThe Pittsburgh Pirates
(aka Hitting the Wall or “Bonking” — worst case scenario your body loses the ability to function due to depleted glycogen stores)
Two words: Matt Diaz.  Wow.  Just… wow.  Dear readers, when signing Matt Diaz is a big deal, you know your team is in trouble.  In the Pirates’ case, they’ve been in trouble since 1992, they show zero signs of improvement, and life is just gonna get more and more painful for the handful of baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. 

Just remember:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

My advice?  Go Steelers! 

Hate me ‘cuz I bring da pain, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Things We’ll Miss About Lou…

Jesus and I may not love the uni he’s been donning the last few years; but heck, it’d be pretty sacrilegious to hate on a man who has provided the masses with unfettered improvisational entertainment throughout his entire career.

So Al, I and the RSBS interns would all like to wish Lou Piniella the very best in his retirement while reminiscing on those things we’ll miss the most about him:

lou piniellas belly.jpg
His Preggers Belly

You know the drill.  Lou shows up to Arizona in the Spring in excellent shape, nary a roll on his tummy.  A few hapless months of frustrating baseball and countless cold ones later and he magically looks like he oughta be resting for the end of his third trimester.  Some managers utilize the brim of their caps to intimidate umpires during a raucous; Lou bumps bellies.

lou piniella fighting.jpg
His Indomitable Will
Whether it’s dealing with Sori’s hop, Rob Dibble’s grappling moves or Zambrano’s homicidal tendencies, Lou Piniella never seems to show a weak link.  He can fight.  He will fight.  He will fight you… if you give him a reason.  And the chance.  That is the epitome of bad@$$ and that’s why I would love to take Lou out drinking sometime. 

lou-piniella-champagne.jpg
His Love for the Bottle
Realize that I realize that I am taking certain liberties in proclaiming that Lou has a love for booze.  I mean, he’s a man.  He’s also a ballplayer.  And he’s often seen in the clubhouse with a drink in his hand.  So that makes him like 90% of the people I know on earth (me included) which makes me like him even more.  It almost makes me want to bar hop the Tampa Bay metro area until I eventually run into him.  I can’t promise I’ll be able to form coherent sentences at that point, but I would sure try.

Be good, Lou.  Be good.

And come back if ya want.  Baseball without you just won’t be the same.

Hate me ‘cuz I hate on your sCrUBBIES, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 3: The Stat Zombie’s Death… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

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And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a paragon of baseball intelligentsia, Mr. Paul Lebowitz — the one and only Prince of New York!  If you aren’t already reading the Prince’s daily column *here* or *here* then you probably should get on that.  Like, right away.  Or else.  And if that ain’t enough, you can certainly follow him on Twitter too.  To be honest, the man is too ruthless and too unfettered for you to not be paying attention to him… so the RSBS crew made sure to get him at his best.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Jason Bay’s UZR, men left on base (LOB), Keith Hernandez’s hunches, BRAINS!!!!… the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more!

Holla!


– –

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.

**Image by Annette T.  (Thanks, Annette!)  Check out her sweet@ss blog!

Recorded Saturday , June 12, 2010

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 1: Hanley’s Lollipop… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo.jpg

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The virgin voyage, y’all!

Okay, so you knew this was gonna happen eventually… just enjoy it.  We did!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff introduces Chicago rock phenom and avid Cubs fan, Johanna Mahmud to the RSBS family.   When not front-manning the intoxicating alt-rock group, Meqqa, Johanna manages to drink Jeff’s beer and fantasize about a team made up of twenty-five Alfonso Sorianos.  Okay.  That second part may be a lie… but this part ain’t: when these two guys start talkin’ baseball, it’s all fun and games.  Among the topics of discussion: Roy Oswalt’s bulldozer, Lou Piniella’s preggers look, the Brendan Ryan pornostache hysteria, Hanley’s lollipop and much, much more.

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  He always knows where Ryne Sandberg is.  Always.

For more on Meqqa, please visit their website *CLICK ME!*

Recorded Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Filibuster

You guys make a lot of Bud Selig’s poor management of MLB.  If you could
take his place for one day and make one change, what would you change
and how do you think it would alter the game?

Harrison
Pontiac,
MI
____________________________________

bud selig picking nose.jpgAww, gee, Harrison (insert overwhelming use of sarcasm), thanks a lot.  I only get one day and one change?  What’s the point?  You know this: It’s gonna take a lot more than just one day and one change to correct the myriad wrongs laid down by King Bud over the past 18 years.

Is it realistic to ban the Cardinals from losing 20 inning games?  No?  How about simply getting rid of the Royals franchise?  No?  Okay.  What about forcing opposing pitchers to only offer breaking balls in the dirt to Alfonso Soriano?  Fine.

Then I guess I would have to consider one of the obvious:

  • stop making it (the All-Star Game) “count” for anything other than a celebration of the best in the game
  • shorten spring training
  • eliminate the plethora of off-days during the playoffs
  • change the schedule back to 154 games
  • sew Barry Bonds’ mouth shut forever and ever, amen

But to be honest, none of the above would be worthy of my one day and my one change.  No.  If I only get one then I’m gonna focus on what’s really wrong with the game and fix that as soon as possible.  What would I do?

Allow MLB ballparks to serve beer after the 7th inning.

Imagine being at that 20 inning game on Saturday, soberly watching in extras, thirsty, parched, dried up… brat in hand but no suds to wash it down.  That, dear readers, is simply unacceptable.

Tragic. 

beer.JPGAnd it goes well beyond the frustration of watching a game go past nine innings without the comforts of a cold, frosty one.  Think about it: if you are really so blasted from drinking beer during the game, is that one and a half to two innings of sobriety really going to make it okay for you to operate a vehicle? 

No. 

If you are really that wasted from drinking beer during the game should you be driving home anyway?

Hell no.

Here’s what we do: tell everyone to drink responsibly.  People are or aren’t going to do that anyway, whether you serve beer after the 7th inning or not.

So please stop punishing me after the 7th inning.  Often times those last couple innings are the ones where I need the numbing powers of alcohol the most!  

Move over, Bud.  Let me make this change. 

Otherwise I’ll be forced to continue double-fisting when they holler out “last call”.

Hate me ‘cuz I finally bring logic to the discussion, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not
together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster
question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at
kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Images of King Bud in a dress also welcome. They exist. Trust us.