Fall and the playoffs also mean the imminent death of another baseball season. Fittingly, the news outside of baseball also seems fixated on endings and death the last couple weeks. Of course there’s the Michael Jackson doctor trial which seems to inspire the same kind of media circus that Jackson himself used to bring out. But there are two other endings that I find more interesting.
The first is the death of Anwar Al-Awlaki in Yemen. The dude was definitely a bad guy and behind, or at least the inspiration behind, some of the more nefarious plots against the US in the past couple years. But he was also an American citizen which makes his assassination problematic at best. Does his death make us safer? Probably. Should we be assassinating US citizens? That’s a little less certain.
Obviously a lot of US citizens, a majority most likely, don’t agree with Al-Awlaki’s rants against the US and exhortations to do us harm. But there were also a fair amount of people who didn’t like Martin Luther King’s message and thought his ideas just as dangerous as those of Al-Awlaki. But the US government didn’t assassinate him. No, I’m not saying that the two men are similar or that their messages bear any resemblance but I am saying that assassination is a slippery slope during the best of times. When it becomes an easily employable tool in the context of a nebulous concept like the “War on Terror,” how long before it becomes a similarly employed tool within other nebulous concepts like the “War on Drugs?” Again, I’m not saying this will happen, I’m just saying it needs to be considered.
Considered in the same way that Trinity College in Dublin should have considered their options before e-executing one of their faculty. Ok, sure, Professor Conan T. Barbarian may not have been a real professor or even a real person but did he deserve so inglorious an end as to simply be deleted from a server somewhere? Precedents, people. They matter.
With all the serious things happening in the world right now, I want to write a serious post. President Obama’s jobs speech, the first Republican debate with Rick Perry, the continuing hunt for Gaddafi in Libya. Somebody turned the world up to 11 and I want to talk about it.
Then this happened:
As I sat down to write this Serious Post, I saw the following headline from SI.com: Dykstra pleads not guilty to indecent exposure. Seriously, how am I supposed to write something meaningful after reading a headline like that? This is the guy who seemingly developed some sort of idiot-savant investment system which unsurprisingly turned out to be less savant and more idiot. He somehow managed to follow that up with stealing a car, holding illegal substances and now indecent exposure.
I want you to think about this for a second, though. Over the course of two years, Lenny Dykstra placed multiple ads on CraigsList for domestic help and when these women responded and came by for an interview, he introduced them to Lenny Jr. instead. Lenny Dykstra. Sure, he’s a wild and crazy guy but I figured that meant he got really drunk at clubs and then brought home some girl half his age. This pants-dropping business sounds more like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s most recent blockbuster, Revenge of the Wildebeest.
I still have one other question. How do you plead not guilty to multiple instances of indecent exposure? It’s not like this is a one time, he said/she said sort of thing. You brought multiple women to your home under false pretenses and then dropped trou. That’s staggering. I don’t think a jury is going to buy your excuses.
I’m sorry. This really was supposed to be a serious post. But you ruined that for me Lenny Dykstra. You ruined that.
RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast miscreant, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:
Quips a la Johanna
You can follow Johanna’s tweets *HERE*
“I didn’t want to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Lou Ferrigno. I wanted to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno COMBINED! ON ‘ROIDS! ARRRRRGH!”
“My talent comes from the ‘man upstairs’ and lemme tell ya, the ‘man upstairs’ is F***ING JUICED! ARRRRRGH!“
“Yeah, I take Viagra, but just to stay healthy. It doesn’t help me bang hot chicks for hours and hours and hours at a time! ARRRRRGH!”
My duplicitous and oft abrasive colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, has been busy conjuring up all sorts of facetious baseball scenarios, one of which embraces the Selig-spawned, Selig-spun “world” World Series, proposing to pit the Major League Baseball champion against the… the… Japanese baseball… league champion? What?
First of all, this is a Bud Selig ploy — a major league trick to make you think he’s actually working towards the betterment of the game. Preposterous! The World Series is called the friggin’ World Series because it boasts the two best baseball teams in the WORLD. No Japanese champion can hang with the MLB champion. If they could, then all those Japanese players would already be playing in the MAJOR LEAGUES!
Ah, such treachery. It saddens me to see Mr. Krause, someone so smart and so spry, take such a gigantic dip into the crazy-pool. But wait. Yes… it gets worse…
Some More Crap:
…Because somehow Mr. Krause got it in his head that once Albert Pujols’ contract is up with the Cardinals in 2011, that the perennial MVP candidate will be out to find a new, more financially sexy organization to call his home. Mr. Krause even mentioned the possibility of seeing A.P. wearing an old English “D” across his chest!!!
Total f***ing horse****.
Sorry. Had to go there. Ahem…
Like the Tigers always have Ty Cobb, so too will the Cardinals always have Albert Pujols.
Don’t worry, Al… at least you will always have the image of Alan Trammell in a Tigers uni, forever.
(McGwire image courtesy of Coffee with Adam)
…he would look a lot like this:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Lidge has lost his, er… charm.
Phillies fans the world over are begging for a Gray Davis like recall.
Might the Governator have a hard slider?
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
(*Images courtesy of “F”yeahairconditioners.tumblr.com — MLBlogs will not allow me to link to it due to adult language in the site’s URL. You’ll have to use logic to find the site yourself or check the link on our other page.)
How is it that such a high profile ballplayer is able to become invisible whenever he feels like it?
How is it that such a high profile ballplayer is able to cause mayhem wherever he goes?
How is it that such a high profile ballplayer had his heart set on California and only California?
We figured it out, folks:
But in the end, dude can play baseball.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
(**Manny image courtesy of the Associated Press**)
This is awesome! And of course by “this,” I’m referring to Illinois Governor Rod Blago-“trailer hitch” being arrested. What this means is that the past nine months have seen the downfall of the the governors of two of the nation’s most populous states. Now, I think that Blago-“I have an itch” definitely takes the cake because you need cojones to straight up extort money in return for a seat in the Senate.
But, Eliot Spitzer’s now well-known sexual preferences are nothing to sniff at. And, unlike former President Clinton, at least Spitzer went for a good looking girl (even if he did have to pay for it). Now, the one thing that could make this year complete is if we found out that Arnold Schwarzenegger has been having secret Nazi orgies in one of his California mansions. Europe is already all over this one but there are still 3 weeks left. C’mon, Arnie! Give us the trifecta. We’ve earned this!
When it comes to things that are not awesome, though, this year’s Detroit Lions would have to rank right up there. Yes, like Mr. Lung said, I am a Lions fan. I have always been a Lions fan. Just like I was and remain a Tigers fan, even when they came perilously close to setting a modern day record for futility. The sun is shining in MoTown, though. Matt Millen has left Ford Field and if the Lions can copy the Tigers’ story, in about 3 years we should finally see a Lions team that makes it to the Super Bowl! It’s bittersweet since history tells us that the Lions will then get destroyed as a result of their quarterback (Graham Harrell? Nate Davis? Scott Mitchell?) fumbling several times leading to back-breaking scores. However, at least we will finally be able to say we played in a Super Bowl!
No, when it comes down to it, things could be much worse. No matter how bad things may appear, at least the Feds don’t have you on tape saying:
“I’ve got this thing and it’s f***ing golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for f***in’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”
Nice work, Rod. That’s some kind of golden f***ing parachute.