I have my moments when I wonder about America. Despite the fact that we know he’s a huge DB and an admitted juicer, all baseball cares about right now is A-Rod making it to 600. Obviously we live in a Yankee-centric world so this is no huge surprise but there are bigger issues to worry about.
Like did you know that Bill Murray is currently destroying America? Yep, through his work in such classics as Ghostbusters (or Ghostbussers which I can only imagine must be Jim Crow era existential comedy) and Stripes, Murray has apparently materially contributed to a sense of ennui that threatens to tear apart the very fabric of America. And he’s probably gay.
Listen people. You need to get a hobby. No, following A-Rod’s exploits does not count. And attempting to boycott a comedy legend who made gophers famous and ball washers pornographic doesn’t count either. I’ve got one for you. Why don’t you see if Bonds is still on the free agent market? If not, I bet he’d be huge in Japan. Kind of like Bill Murray.
The only real reason to celebrate Groundhog Day is because it means we’re into February and baseball will start back up soon. Seriously, what is this point of this “holiday?” I don’t get a day off of work. There’s no food involved. And no matter what happens, you’re still firmly entrenched in the middle of winter. That doesn’t sound like such a good deal to me. In fact, one might even be inclined to suspect a bit of conspiracy.
No, I mean it when I say that without the hint of baseball it entails and the vehicle it provided for Bill Murray’s formidable talent, Groundhog Day would be dead to me. Just like you, Curtis Granderson. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. You’re just lucky I don’t have your name on a Tigers’ jersey or I’d really be pissed.