Tagged: Bobby Valentine

Hmm… My Ears Seem to Be Overly Healthy

My ears probably feel so good because I have had an entire season off from the deafening dumbness of one Joe Morgan on Sunday nights.  Ahh… feels great, doesn’t it?

And despite the acidic aftertaste of all-things ESPN, I do have to admit that Sunday Night Baseball has been refreshingly awesome in 2011.  Thank you, Dan.  Thank you, Orel.  Thank you, Bobby.

Tomorrow night, however, will be an extra special affair: Sunday Night Baseball on the 10th anniversary of the September 11th tragedy, live from New York’s Citi Field.

And I will be there.

My healthy ears are eager to pair up with my attentive eyes, to take it all in, to remember with humility, to join in the communitas and the powerful emotional connection we all share with this truly remarkable pastime.

It’s gonna be a special night.

Peace,

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Christopher Walken Enthusiast, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

I Got My Knives Sharp

The most interesting man in the world…  Is it Starlin Castro?  Or Bobby Valentine, ranter of rants?

On Sunday night, Bobby V was my hero. He was attacking a sad, sad organization from the rear. From what the Cubs should be doing, to calling out everybody — president-owner-manager-scouting — it was FANTASTIC TELEVISION. He was flat out givin’ em the bizzness down there.

Valentine is probably fishing for a managerial gig, but he couldn’t be more right in his breakdown of Starlin Castro’s lack of awareness at shortstop. Valentine saw this in one inning and I haven’t heard anything like it all damn year. You can check out the video *here*.

Somebody is not teaching him right. Is anyone teaching anything? In the postgame interview Mike Quade said he would call Valentine. For wha??? Earlier in the season he said he had to call his “pitching people”. Sunday he said now he has to call his “infield people”???

Mike? Hello? Call your “I’m getting a new address people”.

Now all eyes on are on Castro. He’s the youngest player to reach 300 hits in 70 years for the Cubs.  But he also has the most errors in the National League, most of them careless errors.

So when does he get turned around? Please don’t let him become Hanley Ramirez… fat and lazy. Quade was supposed to be THE guy who could develop the most important piece of this franchise. You cannot blame Castro for any of this madness.

As a Cubs fan, I believe in nothing the organization is doing. It’s bad. It’s a joke. A travesty. Tom Ricketts still doesn’t have a list of possible GMs. He actually said this?!?!?

Look, Tom, keep it in your head, fine. But at least say you have a plan! You gotta give Cubs fans some hope. Act like you have an effing clue, billionaire fan boy, because you can’t ask Daddy for da monnnneyyyyy to bail your @$$ out. He said no, no, no.

Flat out, the development has been pathetic. I’ve been gargling with bleach to get the taste of Hendry out of my system, waiting for the next GM, the next manager.  Friedman? Valentine?  LaRussa?

Meanwhile, Quade benched Castro Monday but said the kid doesn’t have A.D.D. What a relief!

Ricketts, get a real list of who is gonna turn this thing around. Oh, and by the way, the Cubs left 15 men on base Monday night after Starlin’s benching. Without him, well, welcome to the village of SUCK.

Cheers?

–Johanna Mahmud

Follow Johanna on Twitter!

*If I’m not tweeting it’s because I’m sexting and showing off Favre style!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 15: Varitek’s Lotto Numbers… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 7.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

The hot stove is so hot that we had to add more fuel to the sizzlin’ fire!  Jeff, Allen and Johanna are joined by Second City’s Mark Piebenga and Red Sox loyalist Troy Jagodowski to get down and dirty on all the offseason drama.  Discussion topics include but are not limited to: what Theo Epstein was smokin’ when he re-signed Varitek, the end of Troy Tulowitski, the continued morphing of the Hall of Fame, the A-Gon deal and much, much more… all to make you laugh that milk right through your nose!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can check out Keith’s wicked podcast and his subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  The dude has mad skillz, so you might wanna pay attention.  Do it!  Now!

– – –

Recorded Saturday, December 4, 2010

Acclimating to Acronyms!

Jeff & Allen 2.2009 026.jpgThere was a time when I would have been offended if you didn’t know what HR meant.  Or RBI.  Or SB. 

Don’t quite understand VORP?  UZR?  PECOTA?

Understandable. 

But the baseball basics?  I thought everyone knew them.

I was wrong.

And rightly so.  Not everyone’s interests align with mine; I shouldn’t look down on those who eschew the grandest game on earth (feel sorry for them, yes; patronize them? No.).  Of course, I know this — NOW — after being way out of the loop on a conversation revolving around physics and something called… AFV.

“What is this curious AFV?” I kept asking myself as the cognoscenti carried on, oblivious to my poorly hidden obliviousness.  The conversation dipped and rolled, skipped and scooted… “the air to ground ratio” this and “the hyperbolic arc” that.

Later, when I was all alone, I googled this curious AFV, only to find out that I’m a windmill-chasin’ idiot.  Because AFV stands for America’s Funniest Videos.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

The lesson is clear: know your acronyms.  And since we live right in the middle of technocracy’s jumbled white noise, we’d all do ourselves a favor by learning the hard ones.  So, of course, the RSBS interns got to work on providing you, dear readers, with three of the most up-to-date acronyms you’ll ever find:

i_love_albert.jpgHLP
(Heterosexual Life Partner)
My HLP is Albert Pujols.  He doesn’t know this (yet), but he is.  He will know sooner if the GD cops would stop throwing this GD order of protection in my face.  Uh… it’s getting in the way of my DESTINY*, Mr. Police MAN.

Ahem.

piniella_angry.jpgLIAR
(Lou Intending to Actually Retire)
Admittedly, this is an odd acronym as it only pertains to people named Lou who hold whoop-dee-doo press conferences with the idea of hanging it up for good.  And, considering the nature of our thought processes, it requires us to juxtapose the truth with a LIAR.  If you’re confused, it’s okay.  You should be.  Lou Piniella intends to be in the Bobby Valentine and Buck Showalter retirement camp: waiting for a bigger, better paycheck.

Believe me.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*DESTINY
(Determined Effort to Stalk Top Infielders Nightly, Yearly)

Sharing with Shapiro

cleveland indians logo.jpgNevermind all that pre-NLCS/ALCS buzz dancing around the internets and such as, the Iraq!  Soon we will all have more than our wanted fill of Joe Buck self-righteous proclamations and ear-numbing Chip Carary-isms.  For now, let us focus on the larger, more looming and lurid task of finding the Cleveland Indians a new manager.  Shall we?

Yep.  John Farrell is no longer in the mix.  They can’t afford Bobby Valentine.  And unfortunately, dear readers, Lou Brown has gone back to selling tires… forever.

That’s why I, along with the fastidious help of our always reliable RSBS interns, have prepared a list of potential managerial candidates for Indians GM Mark Shapiro, whom we all know is too busy lamenting the contract of one Travis “I Ain’t Got It No More” Hafner and the cruel reality of a midge-less postseason.

Mark, here is the shortlist of suggested targets:

Bill Parcells
Sure, the Big Tuna ain’t no baseball guy; we know that.  But he was born to win (and eat… a lot).  Besides, just think of what hiring this former Cowboy coach could do for the long neglected and oft polarized relationship between Cowboys and Indians.  Mark, it is time to heal these wounds.

Chief Illiniwek
Since being shunned and axed by his University of Illinois home (where he was a staple presence for 81 years), the Great Chief doesn’t really have much to do but stay in and get drunk all day.  Hey, you can get drunk at the ballpark too, Chief!  Plus, having such a standard bearer of Native American tradition might help the Indians solve that whole racist image thing they’ve had goin’ on for… y’know… ever.

Nap LaJoie
Oh, wait.  He’s dead.  Never mind.

Earl Averill
He’s dead too?  Sorry.

Lou Boudreau

Whoops.  My bad.  Okay.  No more dead guys of French descent.

Ahem.

Well, then that leaves me with just one more super managerial candidate for Mr. Shapiro and that person is:

sarah_palin.jpgSarah Palin
Look, if you’re gonna build a bridge to nowhere, ya might as well build it on the Cuyahoga River.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m on point, all the time, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff