Besides, sitting in front of that television watching baseball games and drinking beer all day could be a lot more fun if you just… live a little. And by live, of course I mean entertaining the idea that some Republicans might actually have some good ideas.
No, that’s a lie. I’m talking about gambling. And you know it.
So if you’re gonna gamble, why not gamble on a sure thing… ya know, so it’s not so much like gambling. And just in case you worried you might have to do some work to find a sure thing, relax. RSBS and the trusted interns have already done all the work. So here ’tis, folks, three DEFINITE winners.
Add to your bankroll wisely…
Sure Thing Number 1: Albert Pujols
Uh… hello? If you haven’t been convinced of Albert’s transcending greatness yet, then you are either a) dead b) communist or c) dead. And for all you dead commies, know that Prince Albert went 4-5 with two dingers on Opening Day 2010. Eat it!
Sure Thing Number 2: Paul Lebowitz’s 2010 Baseball Guide
From one prince to another, let it be known that the most ruthless, best writer you’ve never heard of is back, this time with the 2010 edition of his annual baseball guide. You can purchase it *here* on Amazon, or find it through his blogspot site or paullebowitz.com. Dude, if reading The Prince of New York isn’t already a part of your daily routine, then what the hell are you waiting for? The man knows what he’s talking about and this guide will help you with your fantasy teams and your exotic parlays! Oh, and you’ll also gain an in-depth understanding of every aspect of all thirty clubs. Of course, if you don’t check it out there’s always the chance that I might have to break your legs… so… just sayin’…
Sure Thing Number 3: Evan Longoria’s Bad@$$ New Era Commercial
Yep. If you haven’t seen it yet, get ready, ‘cuz this commercial is a man-gasmic (I made that word up so pay me if you use it) trip down to Awesomeville (I made that one up too). Look, I love the Andrew Bailey, Nelson Cruz, Justin Verlander commercials… and Mauer is good and all… but jeesh, watching Longoria play this adventurous hero who takes his headwear seriously causes me virtual fits in a world where I am loyal to Albert and Albert only. Good thing it’s all make-believe, or I might be heading to Albert-Rams-A-Louisville-Slugger-Up-My-Toosh-Opolis (I officially made that up too, but you can blame my sickish and oft pedantic colleague, Mr. Krause, for its idiocy).
So, what are ya waiting for?
Show me the money!
And don’t hate me… ‘cuz I’m right.
No matter what magnitude of socio-political strides are made in US America, if you wait long enough, some belligerent old white guy will eventually send us back a few decades by saying something un-politically correct. And whether such belligerence explodes during a live interview with Ted Koppel or simmers in the pages of a newly published book that most people haven’t yet read, one thing is absolutely clear: evolution could use a little help in the humanoid self-censor department.
To me, what is most peculiar in the case of Harry Reid saying our country “was ready to embrace a black presidential candidate, especially one such as Obama — a ‘light-skinned’ African American with no Negro dialect” is that he was quoted as saying this some time ago, presumably knowing it would eventually show up in a public forum, somewhere. I find that just a bit less forgiving than telling a live, nationally televised audience that “blacks may not have some of the necessities to be, let’s say, a field manager, or, perhaps, a general manager,” which is exactly what Al Campanis said when donning his ignorance cap back in April 1987.
In both cases, someone in power — a white someone in power — said something offensive, something abrasive, something that nicked at years and years of progress; and for that, we cannot allow ourselves to just be silent. We have to say, do, discuss something.
Campanis’ remarks got him fired. Reid’s probably won’t, though that is not to say they shouldn’t. I’m not the racism czar, so I don’t really know, and I’m glad that I don’t have to make such decisions.
But I can say that the time for social readjustment is always now; it’s always relevant. Reid (and Campanis before him) said out loud what many people still believe to be true. Far from ideal, this country (and its people) still have a lot of learning to do. Remember, it took our species thousands and thousands of years to finally realize the earth is round, not flat.
And the only way we can come to a mutual understanding of the truth is to work together. So yeah. Let’s do that, shall we?
In the meantime, this racially charged hiccup does have a fulfilling footnote. Reid’s comments came to light through the publication of Mark Halperin and John Heilemann’s new book entitled Game Change. And if you go to Game Change‘s Amazon.com entry, scroll down to the critical reviews, you will find a ginormous gem of a quote from Barack Obama:
“This s*** would be really interesting if we weren’t in the middle of it.”
Agreed, Mr. President. Absolutely agreed.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
What could possibly be funnier than a holocaust-denying bishop exchanging blows with an Argentinian reporter?
I can think of many things.
But in the end, what is making my side split today is the announcement that Condoleezza Rice (what’s the second “z” for anyway?) has signed a book deal with Crown Publishers to write three — count ’em three — books detailing her tenure in the White House as well as delving into her oh-so-saucy personal life.
Crown issued this statement:
“Rice will combine candid narrative and acute analysis to tell the story
of her time in the White House and as America’s top diplomat, and her
role in protecting American security and shaping foreign policy during
the extraordinary period from 2001-2009.”
Extraordinary? You betchya! That was an extraordinary, poorly structured sentence!
When Crown Publishers says “candid”, what they really mean is “bullhickey” and when Crown Publishers says “acute analysis” what they really mean is “a cute anal cyst”.
I am going on record with that.
Ah yes, the moment we have all been waiting for, my friends: the inevitable onslaught of uninteresting, embellished memoirs (see James Frey) from Bush administration cadres who would be much better off hiding under that blanket of destitution they collectively weaved over those eight long years.
Dick Cheney’s memoir: I Screwed Over My Own Country and Got Away with It
Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir: Blowing Up People Is Fun
Dubya’s memoir: I Am Smarter than a Fifth Grader Because I Am Way More Educationified
I suspect these tell-alls will not tell all and that they will all be as candid and truthful as an Alex Rodriguez/Katie Couric interview.
If you want the truth, read the battery of explicit facts spewed by one Jose Canseco. He seems to be the one with all the info and up to this point, he has been the most accurate when disclosing the inner workings of a poorly policed administration.
Speaking of good stuff, I am and always have been a reader (how else do you think I became so intelligent?) and though I enjoy some good fiction every now and then, my true passion is reading about real life. These days I can be found reading Jane Heller’s Confessions of a She-Fan. My busy schedule of Cub fan hounding and John Mozeliak thrashing has allowed me to only read a little bit each day, but I can honestly say that I am thoroughly enjoying it.
And since we are all about telling the truth here at RSBS, I am not going to withhold the fact that while reading Jane’s book during my commutes on the Chicago Transit Authority, I do my absolute best to hide the chick-lit-esque cover boasting a female fan donning a Yankee cap, looking up at an invisible monster whom I can only assume is Theo Epstein. The cover lady’s eyes are dreamy. She’s definitely into me. But I still force myself to cover it up. I live in Chicago after all. Like the rest of the blue collar cities, we hate ‘dem Yankees… don’t get me wrong, the book is great and all…
Just remember: I have an image to uphold.
Luckily, my stealth allows me to take in Confessions and really enjoy it. And while I may not have the desire to date a Yankee, as author Jane Heller once did, I sure would not mind dating some of the Yankees’ leftovers.
Believe me, that would be way more interesting than any Condoleezza Rice book.
So go ahead. Throw the book at me; just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.