Tagged: C.C. Sabathia

Ba$eball $tar$

Sports Illustrated‘s annual Fortune 50 list of the 50 highest-earning American athletes list is out and Major League Baseball is heavily represented.  In fact, 36% of the athletes are baseballers — some better than others (looking at you, Barry Zito).  And while I’m sad to see an star like Floyd Mayweather, Jr at the top, one who eschews real glory at the highest level for a comfortable place atop boxing mediocrity, I am glad that baseball players are makin’ that pay-puh.  It makes me feel less suicidal when I pay $8 for a 16 oz beer.

Here’s a quick rundown of the highest paid American baseball players and their overall ranking among American athletes in parenthesis.

1.  Alex Rodriguez (6)
Too bad for the Yankees A-Rod can’t be young and steroided like the good old days.  His health is just going downhill from here.

2.  Derek Jeter (9)
He can do no wrong.  I would pay this man a bazillion dollars a year if I could.  And since Albert left me, I have no problems admitting my 17-year Jeet man-crush.

3.  Joe Mauer (12)
Really?  12th highest paid American athlete overall and third highest Major Leaguer?  I would feel better about this if he could hit it over the Target Field fence once in a while.

4.  Vernon Wells (17)
PSSSHH!!!!  I just ruined my keyboard with a mouthful of coffee.

5.  C.C. Sabathia (20)
Mo’ money, mo’ foooooooooooooooooood!

6.  Mark Teixeira (21)
Nothing says $23 million a year like a YEEE-HAW JAW!

7.  Prince Fielder (22)
I have a feeling if I make one more Prince Fielder fat joke then I’m going to be… eaten…

8.  Adrian Gonzalez (25)
He may have lost his power stroke, but with $21 million a year I’m sure he’s strokin’ plenty of power.

9.  Justin Verlander (28)
A man’s man, I would prefer to see Verlander at the very top of this list, or at the very least, have the opportunity to rifle a fastball at Mayweather’s head.

10.  Cliff Lee (29)
Way to go, Phillies.  You’re making Clifton Phifer look bad.

11.  Ryan Howard (32)
While many of my Cardinal fan brethren choose to hate on Albert, I prefer to hate on Howard, the man who made signing Albert impossible.

12.  Roy Halladay (35)
Way to go, Phillies.  You bring in the best pitcher in baseball to get you over the hump then s*** the bed three years in a row.

13, 14, 15.  Barry Zito, Carl Crawford, Albert Pujols (Tied for 36 overall)
One of these things is not like the other…

16.  Josh Beckett (44)
Is it me or has he gained like 40 pounds since he was traded to the Red Sox?

17.  Jake Peavy (45)
Up until this year, I thought dude was done.  Yes, the crow I’ve been eating tastes bad.

18.  A.J. Burnett (49)
Huh?  How did A.J. get on this list?  I’d like to know the same.  He should’ve signed two contracts, one for each of his personalities.  At least he’s been living up to it ever since his worst day ever.

Hate me ‘cuz I didn’t make the list, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Do you guys drink beer and eat fried chicken and play video games while you’re supposed to be perfecting your craft?

Kevin
Chicago, IL
___________________________________

Frankly, Kevin, I’m insulted.  That’s like going up to C.C. Sabathia and asking him if he sits around eating Krispy Kremes while he’s supposed to be working on his change-up.  Look at the guy!  You don’t get a body like that without a healthy serving of lard and/or hydrogenated fats at least twice a day.

The same is true of the RSBS team.  We are a well-oiled machine and part of that oil comes from the grease collecting at the bottom of the multiple family size buckets of KFC original recipe chicken that we consume every single day.  Sometimes the grease gums up the controllers of the Xbox forlornly attached to the 13-inch TV one of our mothers gave us in 1998 but luckily a splash (accidental or otherwise) of Schlitz or Milwaukee’s Best solves that problem.

Just kidding.  Blogging is a grueling slog through the minefield that is humanity but it’s a slog we happily undertake for you, the reader, on a daily basis.  Slogging, however, shouldn’t be entered into lightly.  It’s a process, one that often begins with hours of painful research trying to come up with the perfect photo of the current Miss USA:

Or the ideal angle at which to view Ines Sainz:

Sure, it may look easy but there exists the rare occasion when the results more closely resemble the feces streaked walls of the primate cage at your local zoo.  That doesn’t mean we didn’t try, though.  Also, as a side note, who’s to say that design by defecation doesn’t constitute art?

The fact of the matter, Kevin, is that we’re here day in and day out to bring you a product that requires our full attention and a respect for our audience that belies any sort of orgy of fast food gluttony or the occasional video game bender.  What we’re doing is too important to not take care of ourselves.  And now that I have fully made my point, I feel vindicated in finishing the cold beer I cracked open while sitting down to write this.  Hey, it’s only one out of three.  That’s not so bad.

-A

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*The Filibuster will be taking its regular offseason hiatus starting next Sunday.  Don’t worry, it will be back in time for Spring Training 2012, so keep a lookout!  In the meantime, please enjoy our offhanded satire and scantily clad womenz who will take its place on Sundays during the Fall/Winter.  Thank you to all who have written in!

RSBS Explores Title IX

With the playoffs in full swing and history being rewritten every night, it’s hard not to notice how much of that history is recorded by television cameras.  The field is blanketed by unblinking lenses, allowing us to live and relive each play from every possible angle.  The downside is that somehow we still end up with quite a few of the infamous “adjustment” shots.  Usually, it’s just a quick tap of the cup in one direction or the other but every once in a while the camera lingers as the guy in the on-deck circle really digs in and tries to find the optimal cup placement before strolling to the batter’s box.

The human eye is drawn to movement and I for one don’t feel guilty for staring at some dude’s crotch while he’s in full readjustment mode.  It’s evolution.  But it got me thinking.  How often are people checking out the goods when the guy is just hanging out?  Sure, no one’s ogling CC Sabathia but a guy like Ryan Braun has to have his fair share of admirers.

Luckily I didn’t have to settle for idle conjecture because I quickly came across this ground-breaking study from Cosmo for Guys.  The video is especially enlightening:

Enjoy the playoffs.  And pray that you don’t have to see CC adjusting himself.  It would be pretty embarrassing to get caught on that crotch cam.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 11: Atlanta’s Triumphant Cox… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna clink Tanqueray and tonics over a (not-so) serious discussion of Atlanta’s rerise to fame, Sweet Lou’s gunt, Feliz Hernandez’s magical ways and much, much more… including a special guest appearance by comedy genius Tracy Morgan!  Get out the Kleenex, y’all, ‘cuz tears of joy are on the way!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and all-around sound guru.  Check out his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you know what’s good for you.  I mean, Keith got invited to the Hall of Fame for Pete Hill’s re-induction ceremony.  Talk about bein’ connected…

– – –

Recorded Saturday, October 2, 2010

 

RSBS Presents: Drama!!!

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No longer exclusively tethered to the stage, the screen or the page, there is no doubt that life is full of drama — the sort that you weren’t ready for, the kind you embrace, even the type that makes you ill.

Nonuniform in appearance and uninterested in who or what it affects, drama can be as simple as that anxious feeling you get right before a big presentation or as complex as the collective mood among you and your fellow drivers during your morning commute.

Drama is everywhere.  It infects everything.  We love it.  We hate it.  We need it.

Not convinced?

Take a look for yourself…

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Ines Sainz and Her… Assets
Were members of the New York Jets out of line in their cat-calling towards Mexican reporter, Ines Sainz?  Was Ms. Sainz perhaps inappropriately dressed for an NFL locker room?  Is there more to this story that none of us knows about?  Yes, yes, and yes?  Probably… right?  I dunno.  Who cares?  What is important is that a) we now know who Ines Sainz is and that she’s more than available via Google image search b) Jets fans have more to talk about than just how fat Rex Ryan is and c) I have another reason to post a B-side pic of someone not named Erin Andrews.  Thank you, drama!



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The AL East: Yankees – Rays Showdown
If this most recent series is any indication of what sort of playoff bliss we may be in for, well, paint me blue and call me “cubbie” ‘cuz I’m all in.  Heart attacks galore, dear readers!  From Sabathia v. Price, to Brignac bombs to Grandy’s catch to Jeter’s thespian act, this has been the most impressive, most entertaining, most dramatic regular season series between any two teams all season long!  And, as a fan, I could care less about either club!  Now that’s what I call drama!


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Teabagging with Christine O’Donnell
If Joe Biden were dead he’d be rolling over in his grave.  Heck, lots of people wish Karl Rove was dead (he’s not) and he’s already rolling over in his… er… wait.  What I mean is this: Republican/Tea Party senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell from Delaware may seem like Sarah Palin 2.0, but that’s just because she’s good-looking, halfway likable and really dumb.  Make no mistake: the Teabaggers are way more scary than their everyday conservative counterparts.  Way more scary.  For instance, O’Donnell once suggested to the MTV crowd that they refrain from masturbation.  Uh… yeah.  And judging from the fly hair and nails O’Donnell has in that circa 1996 video, I sure as hell hope she sees the irony in that.  Anti-masturbation!?!  Ha!  Such a message EXPLODES with drama!!!

Hate me ‘cuz all the Teabaggers are doin’ it, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 10: Bud Selig’s Salad… and Other Stuff

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Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

It’s our monumental TENTH EPISODE, y’all!  Party is the name of the game as Jeff, Allen and Johanna dive into an exciting playoff tempered show including three hallowed memories, two Morgans (Nyjer and the Captain) and one inception… not to mention a whole lot of confusion over a $500 pair of speedos with Albert Pujols’ face on it.  Plus much more, including the Lou Piniella mailbag!  All to make you laughy-time!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  Check out
his Undercast podcast and visit his movie-making website Undercard Films if you don’t want him to kick your bum.  Did I mention he is an MMA fighter?  It’s true.  How else do you think Johanna’s face got so disfigured?!?  Lookout!

– – –

MUSIC BY MEQQA <— Download their music it is rad as hell 🙂

Recorded Saturday, September 11, 2010

Oh Sure, This Will End Well

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“We feel at home
here and among our brothers … we’re going to be together until the
end,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told his Venezuelan
counterpart Hugo Chavez during a visit to Latin America on Wednesday.

Both leaders roundly denounced US “imperialism,” and Chavez also called Israel “a murderous arm of the Yankee empire.”

The Jerusalem Post

Was anyone else consumed by the heebie-jeebies while reading that little clip?  Okay, good.  Glad it’s not just me.

This odd world political pairing is akin to Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger teaming up on a spooky Friday night while unsuspecting horny high school kids party in a remote campground nearby.

In other words, it’s gonna get messy.

And here I thought the only ‘murderous arm of the Yankee empire’ belonged to a big portly fella by the name of Sabathia, backed by a pair of oversized pinstriped pants for an oversized caboose insured for around $161 million.

Yes, dear readers, I think it is safe to say that Ahmadinejad and Chavez are secret members of the Red Sox Nation.

Hate me ‘cuz I expose the truth, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff