Wrong. It can. It will. US Americans will suffer.
Dear readers, another day is gone; the Cardinals bullpen still su<ks. And somehow, John Mozeliak still manages to keep a smile on his face. Perhaps he heard about Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank’s new proposal and decided to get a head start on my aura. That’s the only reason I can think of that would somewhat adequately explain Mozeliak’s easy-going penchant for incompetence.
Well, I’m just sick about it.
The Cardinals had to score five runs in the 9th last night to secure a victory because the gods knew a one-run lead wouldn’t be enough. But how long can one expect the Cardinals to do this? How often will the Cubs and Brewers spot us a five-run lead going into the late innings of a game?
When a team has already recorded over 20 blown saves midway through the season, it’s hard not to find its fans puking in the street. Yesterday, I was moved to illustrate my queasy frustrations with a Corey Feldman video that makes me equally — if not more — uncomfortable.
But that was yesterday. Things have gotten a lot worse since then. With one day left until the trade deadline, I’m afraid watching the Cardinals attempt to hold close leads will now make me as uncomfortable as I feel watching this:
**Warning!** The two minutes and twelve seconds you are about to lose from your life can not ever be replaced. You may or may not leave the video a lesser man/woman.
Have you lost your appetite, dear reader? Now you know how I feel.
I don’t just speak for myself. I speak for Red States, Blue States, all the States of US America. Mr. Mozeliak, you can hate me ‘cuz I’m an ^sshole and you can surely hate me ‘cuz I’m a closet Corey Feldman fan, but please don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
The July 31st trade deadline isn’t getting any further away yet the St. Louis Cardinals front office, led by GM John Mozeliak, seems content with not trying to get better for a possible playoff push. Apparently, Mozeliak, who is beginning to remind us of a certain head of state stubborn enough to believe his own methods of irresponsibility and subtle lunacy will actually work despite the entire planet’s discouragement, is quite okay with sitting back and letting fate (or the lack thereof) decide the ballclub’s competitive future.
In case you weren’t watching that god-awful series against the Brewers last week, Mr. Mozeliak, the Cardinals desperately need bullpen reinforcements. DESPERATELY. Pull the trigger. Go out and get a guy who can hold a lead in the late innings. Do something — anything — that will prove to Cardinals fans that you actually care. We US Americans can no longer accept the fact that the Cubs, Brewers, Yankees, even the Astros, are spending a little bit of money, going out and getting all the pieces they need to make it to the post season.
And now that Izzy has been given the closer duties — again — our best bet is to have at least a 9-run lead going into the final innings of the game. The Cardinals bullpen has already given me a serious heart condition and as I have said before, watching them in save situations makes me extremely uncomfortable.
As uncomfortable as you’ll feel watching this:
Yes, that really happened.
Yes, Corey Feldman really takes himself seriously.
And yes, it’s hard to feel more uncomfortable than that… though the Cardinals brass, with their non-existent attempts at making a deal, are trying their very hardest to best it.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.