I recently became aware of a menace much greater than Skynet becoming sentient. Try not to get scared but it appears that both the young and old have decided to gang up on the rest of us. Don’t believe me? Check out these two articles.
Last week ESPN broke the news about USC getting a commitment from a 13 year old. 13? That’s seventh grade, people. In seventh grade I grew six inches, lost my ability to sing tenor and tried to cope with all the inevitable impracticalities associated with these changes. Even if I had any sort of athletic talent, there’s no way you could have seriously evaluated it at that point. It’s great for the kid and I’m sure Lane Kiffin is all about the headlines. But 13?
If that isn’t enough to scare you, just look at what David Brooks says grandma and grandpa are doing to you. Apparently they aren’t content with the never-adjusted-for-inflation birthday present of a $10 check or forcing you to join them at a 4PM dinner and a 7AM line-dancing class. No, that’s not enough. Now, according to Brooks, they’re taking our money, our freedom and our opportunity. This is the thanks I get for all those painstakingly handmade gifts in elementary school? Maybe I should have kept my macaroni painting for myself.
Before you go ending it all, though, there is good news. It’s now the middle of February and football season has ended. That means we only have to put up with hockey, basketball and the Olympics for a little while longer before baseball rouses itself from hibernation and takes its first stumbling steps out into the open. Let’s see grandma try to take that away.