Tagged: Democrats

The Inconvenient Truth

kennedy_monroe.jpgSomething has gone horribly wrong with the Democrats.  Back when JFK was doing his thing, he romanced the ladies.  There’s nothing that the aura of power and a thick Boston accent couldn’t do for Jack.

Even Clinton, despite his somewhat suspect taste in women, knew how to play the game.  Cigars in the Oval Office, blue dresses.  The man had been perfecting the craft with Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers and there was no way Monica had a chance against him.

But now?  John Edwards cheats on his cancer-stricken wife, gets the lady pregnant and videotapes it.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he still had the balls to think he could make it through the campaign without anyone finding out.

And if we can believe recent reports, it seems that boring old Al Gore might be the worst of the lot.  It’s not just that he hid it all along while subjecting us to that interminable kiss with Tipper.  It also appears that he plain and simple has no game.  Let’s look in on a Chinese animated recreation of the events in Oregon on the night of October 24, 2006:

Yep, real classy, Al.  And when a lady compares you to a sex-crazed poodle, that’s usually not a compliment.  Even if I have been known to take it that way.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 4: Finally, Allen’s Krause… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 5.jpg
Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Dear readers galore FINALLY get to meet THE one, the ONLY, Mr. Allen Krause as he joins Jeff and Johanna to discuss all things urgent, all things necessary.  And it’s all made possible by science.  And hard work.  And Skype.  Judge for yourself.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Strasburg as Jesus, the difference between anathema and an enema (it’s important), starting a Pete Rose for US WBC Team Player/Manager petition on Facebook, Gallaraga’s thingy, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more!

Holla!


– –

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard
Films
.

Recorded Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Things That Are Worse Than France

france shame.jpgSay what ya want about the mighty market divas of the Yankees, the Red Sox, the Dodgers.  Go ahead and hate on A-Rod, slam Manny, spit on Youk… whatevs.  Sometimes they deserve it; sometimes they don’t.  It’s all a part of professional sports.

But no matter how infantile and annoying MLB superstars can be (yes, I’m looking at you, Milton Bradley), none of them quite qualify as being as toxically asinine as Nicolas Anelka and his band of busted b!tches that once formed the French national soccer team.

You think Roberto Alomar spitting on John Hirschbeck was bad?  Imagine Roberto Alomar spitting on John Hirschbeck during the World Series, with a big nasty particle-filled loogey, and all his teammates joining in.

Yeah.  That’s sorta what France’s World Cup was like.  But at least it’s over.  And now we can think about… things that are worse than France.  For instance:

The Pirates
Duh. You knew that was comin’.

Rob Blagojevich’s Image
For all of you who live outside of Illinois, be glad you do; ‘cuz this Blago crap is just now gettin’ started for real.  The lego hair, the smarmy and disingenuous smile, the creepy way he talks to every woman as if she were a dumb, money-chasin, cheap-trick-happy cocktail waitress… this dude is going to the joint.  Eventually.

Vuvuzelas
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsubliminalmessagegivemeyourmoneyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Royals

You knew that was comin’ too.

Justin Bieber
It makes me sick that he was in my neighborhood.  It makes me even more sick to know that he was at Sox Park.  And it makes me Bush-Sr-Throwin-Up-On-Japanese-People sick to know he tossed the first pitch to Mark Buehrle!

And finally…

sad astros.JPGThe Astros
You didn’t think this could end with anything worse, did you?  I’m pretty sure I heard the Astros’ team on-base-percentage was the worse on-base-percentage in the history of time, including all dimensions — even those we are unaware of yet…

That’s why they’re called the LOLstros.

HAHAHAHA!

Hate me.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Um… Why?

lots of undies.jpg“Over the weekend, a 10-year-old Westchester, New York boy attempted to break the world record for
wearing the most pairs of underwear at one time.”

–Hailey Eber, BlackBook

Obviously, the evolution of our species isn’t always smooth.

Now, dear readers, I’m no scientist, but I am fairly certain that the same neurological misfirings of the human brain responsible for the abomination alluded to above, are the exact same neurological misfirings responsible for us thinking it’s okay for the Tampa Bay Rays to wear powder blue jerseys… which are the exact same neurological misfirings that lead people to believe Rod Blagojevich is really just a nice guy who made a mistake.

Uh… yeah.

Sometimes my species embarrasses me.

So hate me… if you must.  But please remember: unless you’re George Brett, you only need to wear one set of undies.

And, oh yeah… don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

“Daz Wha You Gonna Be!”

chicago aerial.jpgQuick! 

What’s black and blue and so p!ss drunk that it looks like a Philadelphia Flyers fan? 

If you answered the Cubs/Whitesox Crosstown Classic, then you are absolutely correct, dear reader!  Now, buy me a shot (and none of that buttery nipple nonsense; hit me with the Jameson)!

Verily, I love the Second City infighting.  Cubs.  White Sox.  Northside.  Southside.  Rotten GovernorsPresidents of the United States.  Whether both teams are playoff bound (2008) or just treading water til next April (2010), it is no secret that this intracity rivalry brings out the best — ahem — worst in human nature.

And that includes making baseball managers think they can rap.

Yep, just like last year (and the year before that), once your ears have been damaged by the following Sox/Cubs rap, the Chicago baseball bragging rights may officially be sought:

Don’t hate MC Sweet Lou and DJ Gui-licious… ‘cuz they’re right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

That’s Kwame!

kwame_kilpatrick.jpgThe best thing about being from Michigan is that you never know what’s coming next and, as a result, you always have something to look forward to.  Michigan football goes down the crapper but Michigan State basketball makes two impressive and improbable runs in successive years.  The Lions are consistently terrible but the Red Wings are consistently good.  The Pistons miss the playoffs after a terrible season but the Tigers are quietly putting together a decent season on the backs of a bunch of young guys.

And if there’s one guy who personifies the ups and downs of the state, it’s former Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick.  The guy just goes from one extreme to the other.

Detroit may not be the city it used to be but you still have to have some clout to become mayor.  Believing that same clout will then keep you out of trouble for cheating on your wife?  That’s Kwame.

Losing your job but then managing to avoid jail and landing a plum job that requires nothing but showing up to work makes for an impressive second act.  Pissing off the court by violating probation and getting yourself thrown in jail for five years?  That’s Kwame.

And who knows what comes next?  We could hope for economic recovery but that’s so blase.  Me, I want to see the former mayor flee to Canada and become a grizzly bear wrestling champion under an assumed name.  The Michigan Wolverine.  That’s Kwame.

-A

No Experience Required

elena kagan.jpgFor the Matt Drudges, Satanic She-Worms and Jabba the Huts of the world, President Obama’s controversial decision to seat an inexperienced left-leanin’ lawyer to the world’s highest court is not going too well.  Indeed, dear readers, the rip-roarin’ has already commenced with character-bashing slander at the ready: “she has no experience!”… “she’s part of the Chicago machine!”… “She’s ugly! You sure that ain’t Gary Dell’abate!?!”

No.

I am not sure that she is not Gary Dell’abate.

gary dellabate.JPGBut I will try to pretend that I didn’t ever think about that.

She has no experience.  So what?  Does she have what it takes?  Does she have the balls to — wait, never mind.

As is the case with baseball, experience doesn’t always guarantee success.

Mike Leake never pitched a game in the minors and yet he has a record of 3-0 right now, one of those wins coming against the sCrUBS (which nets him extra points ‘cuz I say so).

Don Denkinger never had any experience being completely retarded for one single World Series play yet he managed to get the job done in 1985.

aj hinch.jpgAnd let me remind you of a fella who didn’t have any managerial experience whatsoever: a man, who as a player achieved a lifetime batting average of .219 with 32 homers and 112 RBI.  That man’s name is A.J. Hinch and that man manages the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Arizona Diamonbacks are… um… the D’backs are…

Pay no attention.

We’re all in this US American mess together. 

I hope.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s trendy, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff