Tagged: George W. Bush

RSBS Presents: Pain

jeff running houston half.jpgMy morose and oft despondent colleague, Mr. Krause, recently addressed our mutual passion for the sport of long distance running, and in doing so, alluded to the fact that such passionate loyalty requires a certain tolerance for pain. 

Indeed, running begets pain.  But said pain often calluses the soul, prepares it for the ultimate fight — whether physical or mental — and breeds a certain unparalleled toughness that can guide one through any hardship.  This I know.

Pain is a binding precursor to ecstasy.  Without it, we wouldn’t know a good thing if it hit us in the face… which, would be ironic in this case, because — depending on what the object hitting us in the face is — that could possibly hurt.

But I digress. 

Perhaps the following irony deficient examples will help better illustrate my point:

Jayson Werth cigar.jpgJayson Werth
(aka Nipple Abrasions — minor yet aggravatingly debilitating)
Congratulations, Washington Nationals, on signing Alfonso Soriano 2.0!  No, seriously, I really am happy for you.  I mean, y’all have had some painfully troublesome moments in your six year history… y’know, like, sucking and all.  Then Strasburg went down… Dunn got away… and now you dole out $18 million a year for SEVEN YEARS to your division rival’s 32 year-old third fiddle.  Um… okay.  The bad news is: you got screwed.  The good news is: it’ll be over in seven years.  By then you will be so learned, so deteriorated, so callused by anguish that every little victory will seem colossal.  Maybe you’ll even smile.  Maybe.

usa-flag-inside-map.jpg‘Merican Politics
(aka Plantar Fasciitis — excruciatingly biting, often chronic)
Eight years of Dubya.  A war in Afghanistan.  A war in Iraq.  The continued waste of an asinine war on drugs, on poverty, on progression in general.  The complete upheaval of congress from one extreme to another, to another, then back to where it started again.  We don’t have healthcare, we do have healthcare, we don’t have healthcare.  We’ve no jobs.  Our farmers are forced to grow crap crops to make corn syrup which is then injected into all your food so that you are prone to overeat, become obese, get diabetes and die.  Yeah.  That’s some real pain right there; makes Canada sound like the Playboy Mansion.  Ms. Teen South Carolina, you with me?

pirates fan.jpgThe Pittsburgh Pirates
(aka Hitting the Wall or “Bonking” — worst case scenario your body loses the ability to function due to depleted glycogen stores)
Two words: Matt Diaz.  Wow.  Just… wow.  Dear readers, when signing Matt Diaz is a big deal, you know your team is in trouble.  In the Pirates’ case, they’ve been in trouble since 1992, they show zero signs of improvement, and life is just gonna get more and more painful for the handful of baseball fans left in Pittsburgh. 

Just remember:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

My advice?  Go Steelers! 

Hate me ‘cuz I bring da pain, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Give Us Your Tired, Your Poor

ryan theriot.jpgUm… okay.  So this is what happens when Brendan Ryan becomes better known for a poorly marketed pornstache than his actual comeuppance as an everyday St. Louis Cardinals shortstop.  Oh, wait.  No comeuppance?  He sucks?  My bad.

Which is sorta why I haven’t really said much this offseason about my dearly beloved Redbirds.  What’ s there to say?  Jake Westbrook signed?  Okay.  Cool.  We traded Blake Hawksworth for Ryan Theriot?  M’kay… nice.  I guess.  Can we guarantee that Skip Schumaker won’t take another step backwards?  How about facing the fact that closer Ryan Franklin really ain’t cut out to be a closer?  And then…???

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I still haven’t really gotten over the crapfest that was the second half of the 2010 season.  No one likes a sore loser, but goddamn it if I ain’t still sore as hell!  Matt Holliday, Albert Pujols, Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter… YADIER MOLINA. 

Friends, Romans, Cubs fans… those names command a division title.

COMMAND IT!

And that’s what I want.  At the very least, we ought to be slaying the Reds, the Cubs and whatever other foe floats carelessly towards the top. 

Does Ryan Theriot magically make that happen?  Uh… no.  In fact, as a hitter, Baseball Reference has Theriot matched up with the likes of Aaron Miles, Jason Bartlett and former St. Louis Brown, Ernie Johnson.  And while Bartlett had one good year, let’s not get too excited over these comparisons; ‘cuz frankly, there’s little that breeds excitement.

Yes, maybe Theriot will solve the leadoff problem that has crippled the Cardinals in recent years.  Then again, he probably won’t.  He’s gotta beat out Brendo and Skippy for a job first, which for us anticipating fans, is sorta like having to vote from a pool of John Kerry, George W. Bush and a bowl of potato salad.

Which one is the bowl of potato salad?  I’ll leave that up to you.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m still bitter, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Rockstars and Revisionism

sarah palin going rogue.jpgAlthough we tend to compare baseball and politics here and find the areas where they intersect, the truth of the matter is that sometimes it doesn’t work.  Baseball box scores tell stories and those stories are comprised of facts.  Either a guy gets on base or he doesn’t.  Either a team wins a game or it doesn’t.  It’s hard to revise baseball history, at least when it comes to the games and the records.

Politics is another matter.  Not only can history be revised, it happens regularly.  Abraham Lincoln came close to losing his party’s nomination for a second term but is now regarded as one of our greatest Presidents.  George H. W. Bush lost a second term because of the economy but his foreign policy now seems eerily prescient.  In fact, I even think there’s a good chance that down the road Iraq will once again become a stable, functional country and W will be somewhat vindicated for his actions.

But there’s one thing I have a really hard time believing.  I really don’t see how it’s possible that Sarah Palin could ever be considered a legitimate leader.  Sure, in an era of anti-elitism, she’s a rockstar.  But I like my leaders to be a little elite.  Why would I follow one of my peers?  I want someone who knows more than me but I also want someone who considers their options and makes an informed decision.  Based on what we’ve learned previously and seen over the past week, Ms. Palin fits neither bill.

Even if the midterms signal the start of the campaign 2012 is still a ways away.  A lot can happen in that amount of time.  Between now and then, I’d love to see Ms. Palin simply fade away.  The country has real problems and we need real leaders with real solutions to address them.  But if this is too much to ask for, maybe I’ll just wish that the Lions could win a road game in that amount of time.  Or maybe we could just retroactively decide that the Tigers won the ’06 Series.  Revisionist baseball.  Think about it.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 13: Nolan Ryan’s Taintedness… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 3.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a very special guest, Second City funny man Mark “Pie” Piebenga, to the Logan Square Studio for an RSBS Podcast pow-wow of epic proportions (we would like to thank Miller Lite for making it, as the kids say, ‘epic’)!  From Jim Joyce’s ‘stache to Nolan Ryan’s pomposity to Nyjer Morgan’s right hook to Bobby Scales’… existence?… all the gloves come off as the fellas look back at the 2010 season and gear up for the winter with plenty of chuckles and plenty of beer.  All to make you laughy laugh!

Holla!

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For more on Mark’s work on RSBSNinemen’s Morris series, check out this story then click on the Ninemen’s Morris tag at the bottom for more early 20th century hilarity!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is involved in some impressive projects himself.  Check out his work at  Undercard Films.  Seriously.  You should do it.  If you don’t, you might find out about his MMA skills first hand.  Holla!!!

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Recorded Wednesday, November 10, 2010

 

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 12: Lifestyles of the Rich and Heinous… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 11.jpg


Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff, Allen and Johanna vehemently compare and critique Croc-based lifestyles, which (surprisingly) include but are not limited to the many labels of Josh Hamilton (including those who are scantily clad), Derek Jeter’s inner Pete Rose, Jeff’s go-to-Gehrig impression, Ozzie Guillen’s mess-mouth and much, much more… all so you can at least laugh while you waste some valuable time!!! Go ahead, laugh it up, fuzzball!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is involved in some impressive projects himself.  Check out his work at  Undercard Films.  Seriously.  Do it.  Or I’ll have Prince Fielder sit on your face.

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Recorded Saturday, October 30, 2010

Wake Me When the Embarrassment Is Over

unknown comic.jpgRemember back in 2000, when Al Gore beat George W. Bush for the presidency… but then… didn’t become president?

Or how about back in 2004, when all the Democratic party had to do was put a solid candidate on the podium in order to beat the impish incumbent, Dubya, and they gave us John Kerry, who flip-flopped and stuttered his way to crapdom?

Well, maybe the lesser fits winning over favorites is a Texas thang… in which case, I wouldn’t mind seeing it go away.

Because an 18 to 4 shellacking from Houston (just one of seven losses — and counting — at the hands of the otherwise laughable LOLstros in 2010) is just too much for a playoff-contending team to take… especially for its fans.

My ears are already full of sand… so I’m hiding elsewhere until the pain, the torture, the embarrassment ends…

No.  I’m not telling you where I am.  It hurts too much.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Decision Points’ Decision Points

decision points george w bush.jpgMan, I miss baseball. 

I know, dear readers.  It’s only been three days.  And sprinkled in there I got to indulge in a long awaited Senior Circuit victory in the only All-Star Game that US Americans actually care about.  But three days is three days; and without a constant barrage of baseball stuff (pick-offs, home-plate collisions, oppo-taco bombs) I tend to go a bit batty.

Thankfully, our trusted RSBS interns know how to quell my baseball madness as they were able to use their unpublicized delinquent ways to grab me a sneak peek at the much anticipated and poignant decision making tell-all by our 43rd president, George W. Bush.  The book is called Decision Points

And yes, that title (with that author) is an oxymoron.

Still, we think you’ll appreciate these snippets of Dubyan enlightenment:

gw bush laughing.jpg“Making decisions… well, that’s hard.  Ya do it ‘cuz ya hafta.  Like
NAFTA.  But I didn’t do that.  What is NAFTA?  Does anyone know?  It rhymes.  I like rhymes… for the times… tequila and limes.  See!”

“I ran the country like I ran the Rangers and if that meant sitting in the bottom of the West, well, then that’s what it takes… or is it took?  Tooken?  Yeah, that’s what it tooken.”

“I told Mel Gibson, ‘if you’re gonna make a Jesus movie, make sure there’s lots of blood.  Whip that Jesus!  And make Mary Magdalene hot.  No fake boobs, but make her hot.’  Did you know Mel Gibson’s from Austria?  He don’t even have an accent.”

“Hehehe… wait til ‘Merica finds out I’m a big Nickelback fan.  Look at this photograph… hehehe… it’s hard to say it, goodbye, goodbye.  Kinda makes me wanna cry.  Hey, that rhymes too!  Hot dawg!!!”

And finally…

“If it looks like a Saddam and it talks like a Saddam then it must be Osama bin Laden!  Let’s blow some s*** up!”

Hate me ‘cuz I got to see it before you did, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff