Iowa has given us a reason to be afraid. Very afraid. It’s not just that people refuse to vote for Mitt Romney because he’s….*gasp*….a politician! It’s that in their pursuit of anyone-but-Romney, they bounce from one increasingly insane option to the next. Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich. They’re all crazy in their own way but it’s a generally harmless crazy because they’re ultimately cartoons.
Iowa just gave us a new kind of crazy, a crazy that’s scary because it actually believes what it says. It’s the kind of crazy that gave us the Crusades and the Salem witch trials. It’s a crazy that earnestly stares you in the eyes and tells you that it cares about you while inserting a knife between your ribs and watching the life drain out of you. And it means every word it says.
As America woke up the day after the Iowa caucuses, I’m sure a fair amount of people scratched their heads and wondered who exactly this Rick Santorum guy is. And the truth is, Santorum is still defining himself…although it seems pretty clear that he’s not the sort of guy who’ll just happily let you live your life the way you see fit.
I’m hopeful that the Republican flirtation with Santorum will last about as long as a Pittsburgh Pirates’ playoff run. And considering that the good people of the state of Pennsylvania turned him out by an 18% margin in his last Senate contest, he obviously has some downside. But in the meantime, let’s just try to focus on what Santorum’s presence means to the realm of comedic headlines. (If you don’t get why this headline is funny, go to google, enter “santorum” in the search box and scroll down until you understand.)
It’s all good, dear readers, because it’s a NEW year with NEW goals and NEW impossibilities just WAITING to be made possible. So shake off that nasty hangover, nevermind that public health clinic visit you’re gonna have to make after who you took home last night and rejoice from atop the world!
Of course, if you’re a Cardinals fan like me, you can also rejoice from the top of the baseball world (that’s the only one that matters by the way) knowing that you can walk around with your chest sticking out for at least another 10 months or so. During our short break, I realized that finding a quick rebound lover would help me forget the unequivocal pain brought on by the loss of one Albert Pujols. Enter: CARLOS BELTRAN.
From Cardinal killer to Met scapegoat to hot stove spice, Mr. Beltran slips inside an already potent lineup for the repeat hunting 2012 squad. In fact, by getting Waino back and projecting a one through five order of Furcal, Beltran, Berkman, Holliday and Freese, I can’t help but git jiggy with the disco lights pulsating in my bathroom (don’t ask).
And as if that wasn’t enough excitement to start the new year, how about the fact that my fellow US Americans in Iowa seem to be ready for real change to our corporate-petting-taxpayer-blood-sucking government!?!? FINALLY, Dr. Paul is getting some love from voters, which has forced the left-leaning media to start several Bachmann-esque smear campaigns. This is what happens when the financially elite (who run the political machine) get worried about seeing their empire crumble.
But don’t worry. Dr. Paul will bring them down. Enough with the wars. Enough with corporate greed. Enough with buying things we can’t afford and wasting BILLIONS on pointless endeavors like the war on drugs. It’s time to start over and that means no more empty Obama promises from the left and no more delusion-pandering from the right.
Ahh yes. Pondering such possibilities make me feel just like I did watching D. Freese gork one over Nellie Cruz’s head.
GO CRAZY, FOLKS! GO CRAZY!
This is gonna be one helluva year.
Hate me ‘cuz it’s the thing to do, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
“With the Cubs, Cardinals and Astros all over the 30 win mark at the end of May, when are the baseball pundits going to admit that the NL Central is actually one of the better, more exciting divisions to watch this season? Must this love affair with all things New York continue while both teams are in the bottom of their respective divisions?”
Mr. Lung, you are a bitter man. I respect that, being a bitter man myself. And I fully agree with you about the New York-ophilia that taints the world of sports journalism. However, bitterness will not change that.
Here’s the thing. Sports exist to make money. And sports journalism, being the leech that it is, flourishes in direct proportion to the events they cover. The National Spelling Bee became popular so now it takes over a primetime slot on ESPN. Three years ago it was on ESPN2 and 20 years ago (when I was competing in spelling bees) you couldn’t even dream of an event like that being shown live on television. So what does this have to do with the lack of love for the NL Central?
Everything. The networks go where the money is and the money is in NY, Boston and LA. The flyover states are, well, flyover states. It’s not in the interest of the writers and pundits to follow a team like the Cardinals because the people in their major markets won’t watch. There’s a reason that the networks were praying for a Celtics-Lakers NBA championship and it wasn’t just because they wanted to do a feature on how Kobe has rehabilitated his image. It’s the same reason why the entire world descended on Iowa in January and now couldn’t care less what happens in the Hawkeye state.
So, to answer your question here’s a very simple response. The baseball pundits are never going to admit that the NL Central is an exciting division. Just like they aren’t going to start showing the Rays or Marlins on Fox Saturday baseball. Well, unless they’re playing the Yankees or Mets, of course.