Tagged: Jake Peavy

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast schnook, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

The Champion of A$$hats. This Week in Jake Peavy Cockamamie…

Peavy did it again over the weekend. He told the press that his teammates need to start “laying it on the line”……WOW…

Team leaders are everyday players and Peavy needs to shut the hell up. No one wants to hear it from a guy who pitches every 6th day and has spent most of his time with the Sox on the DL…

Who exactly is not trying hard enough? Stop waving your weiner around, Peavy. It’s enough.

“Dagnumb it I’m gonna pitch hurt cuz I give it my all unlike these other guys cuz I’m a cowboy screw it all if my back falls off of me. And especially when I give up one of those 600 foot three-run homers. Mah teammates need to pick it up.”

Thanks, Zambrano.

This isn’t a team game. It’s a cerebral game. It’s a day to day game that you grind out over the course of a six month season. You know what, Jake?? Find your way to a winning record before you spout off because you’ve just been a jabbering hole of bad injuries. You were supposed to be the top of the rotation guy for what the Sox gave up.

His teammates probably think he’s an absolute a$$wipe. He’s impossible to trade. Paul Konerko is the leader by example and Peavy needs to shut his damn mouth.

Speaking of the dumb and stupid, THIS HAPPENED over the weekend as well.

–Johanna Mahmud

“His Game Is Like Waves…”

RSBS Podcast regular and Second City performer, Mark “Pie” Piebenga shares with us his thoughts:

“His game is like waves,” Miguel Cabrera said. “Right now, he’s worried because he’s not hitting too much, he’s not hitting for average. I said, ‘Don’t worry. It’s going to be your time. Get your timing, be ready. It’s a long season. We’re going to need you.’ And you see what happened today. He got a big home run for us today.”

This quote is, of course, apropos of Ryan Raburn. Of course why? Because he hit a grand slam off the White Sox Jake Peavy on Sunday who during the same inning worsened a “tweaked groin into a full strain.”

I do think there are some valuable moments in that quote. A lot is at work here. 1.) Cabrera’s hubris. 2.) profound truth for life, and for success in baseball. 3.) Cabrera looking out for a much less-well-paid teammate.

Vis-à-vis 1.) Cabrera cranked his second home run in 24 hours Sunday. Bringing his total up to that point to 13. Which is a lot.

Vis-à-vis 2.) Your own conclusions are most important here, but I’m quite taken with the part about “his game is like waves… get your timing. It’s a long season. We need you.” Isn’t that what we all want to hear as human beings? And isn’t it encouraging? To be needed due to your merit is to have significance. That is something we all want.

Vis-à-vis 3.) Cabrera is making $20 million this season to Raburn’s $1.3. Neither is hurting here, and it’s not like Raburn is a newborn rookie pulling down $425,000. Which is still quite a sum. Also, is it strange that I feel a little dirty clicking on the Tigers roster on ESPN.com knowing that I’ll find their wages on there? It seems like that should be listed in a separate place from their other personal information.

Regardless of the considerable money involved, it’s still an esteemable trait to look after your teammate in the press.

Finally, I would posit that the Grand Slam is the most artfully-named maneuver in all of sport. It describes its own magnitude with alacrity. It is lightly pompous, but so then is the feat, which lends credibility to the title. It is borrowed by professional tennis, the sincerest form of flattery. It is flip, apt, and proud.

In short, it’s a perfect moniker.

–Mark Piebenga

Understanding Ozzie

ozzie guillen crazy.jpgWhether he’s hawking random expletives, labeling Jay Mariotti as “a garbage” or mumbling Spanglish idioms no one understands during the World Series on Fox, Ozzie Jose Guillen is always entertaining.

And while his latest project may be getting Jake Peavy to respect his own body (regarding injury, not that Jesusy “your body is a temple” stuff), we should all certainly stop to thank the baseball gods that, despite his busy schedule, Ozzie still has time to tweet.

Oh yes. 

Ozzie tweets.

It’s just that… sometimes, his tweets… they’re not easy to comprehend.  And that’s where RSBS and our faithful interns get to work!

Let us enter the interwebs to analyze some of Ozzie’s latest…

My dog dh needs a gf he want to be charlie sheen he is desperate lol
March 3, 2011
Translation: I think it’d be funny if my dog did a bunch of coke, assaulted hookers and got fired from the best job in television, ‘cuz let’s face it: self-destruction is hilarious.

Very nice day off great golf 89 finnaly play good any cuestion ask oney lol yesssss
March 15, 2011
Translation: Punctuation?  Spelling?  I don’t need no stinking punctuation or spelling!  Ask one of my delinquent sons!

Nice shot james lol

February 24, 2011
Translation: Bet you wish you had a Derrick Rose, right, LeBron?!?!  (this tweet came during one of the Bulls’ three victories over the Heat — right after LeBron threw up a humiliating BRICK towards the end of the game.)

Open a jack in the box in chicago please
February 24, 2011
Translation: I have an E Coli addiction and I need a fix!  Stat!

And, finally…

Getting ready to watch bruno the movie lol… Joey cora favorite movie
March 19, 2011 (Pt. 1 and Pt. 2)
Translation: Joey Cora is gay.

Folks, this is but a small sampling of the logorrheic ramblings Ozzie spews on a daily basis, which is definitely cause to celebrate technocracy.  Just imagine if Earl Weaver had a twitter… oh boy.

Hate me, I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Just How Good Does it Get?

Life must look pretty good to Cliff Lee right about now. Leaving behind the festering garbage heap that the Indians have become and landing four wins away from a World Series title is just about as good as it gets.

Meanwhile, a guy like Jake Peavy goes from the most perfect weather in the United States to the intemperate hell that is Chicago. Sure, he may have helped ruin the Tigers’ chances at the postseason but that’s not much to hang your hat on.

However, as good as life might be for Cliff, I’m pretty sure he’s nowhere near as happy as this guy:

I’m sure I’ve posted it before but some things just need to be repeated from time to time. Lame attempts at Afro-Caribbean Jesus rock definitely fit that category.

It’s Saturday! Go watch football.

-A

The Filibuster

Looks like the Tigers made a deal.  Will Washburn be our savior now or is Jake Peavy the nail in the coffin for the White Sox?

Mandy
Farmington Hills, MI

__________________________________________

piniella_angry.jpgGreat
question Mandy. And it’s pretty amusing that Peavy ended up on the
White Sox after all those rumors about him going to the Cubs. Man,
Piniella must be spittin’ mad right about now. But I digress. You asked
about Washburn and to Washburn we will go. And the simple answer is, I
don’t know.

See, starting pitching really hasn’t been the
Tigers’ problem this year. They have Verlander and Jackson in the
rotation and both of them are All-Stars.
Washburn does improve the rotation but that isn’t going to matter much
if the Tigers’ hitters continue coming up short and if the bullpen
can’t hold a lead. Zumaya is out for the rest of the season, Lyon has
been a bust and Rodney may be converting most of his save opportunities but
he’s shaky enough that you almost wish Todd Jones was still there.
Almost.

The main problem with your question, Mandy, is that it’s
irrelevant. I don’t say that to be mean, it’s just that the American League central, and, by extension, your question, is
irrelevant. Whether the Twins, Tigers or White Sox take the crown, they
can’t possibly measure up against a loaded Angels club or the Red Sox and
Yankees. The talent, like the rivers, flows from the continental divide to the coasts and,
despite occasional flukes, there’s a reason that the same teams from
the same cities tend to be in the hunt every year.

Does Peavy
make the White Sox better? Sure. Does Washburn make Detroit better? Of course.
But does it matter when the Red Sox already have a stacked pitching
staff and then added Victor Martinez behind the plate? Or how about
the Phillies with the addition of Cliff Lee and Pedro Martinez?

Now Mandy, don’t get me wrong. I think the rest of the season in the AL Central should be a dogfight and it will probably go right down to the wire. The couple of wins that a Peavy or a Washburn can get you might make all the difference. But that difference doesn’t amount to a hill of beans when you get to the playoffs and face these other teams.

There is good news, though. Although it sometimes seems like everything is going wrong and the Tigers’ chances are as barren as nonagenarian cloistered sister, I always have someplace I can turn. And that, Mandy, is worth it’s weight in gold.

-A

Ozzie Would Have Caught that Sausage

homer_epic_failure.jpgThis season has been rough on quite a few teams already. However, that played itself out in a rather amusing fashion (for me at least) for two different teams in the last couple days.

We begin (as we often do when it comes to failure) in our nation’s capitol where the former Montreal Expos put on an exposition all their own the other evening. I could explain the premise of the story but I think this one quote just about sums it up: “…if there’s one thing we all can agree upon, it’s that exploding hot dog buns are high comedy indeed.” How can you top that? Well, maybe by spelling the name of your own team incorrectly on your jersey. But seriously guys, please keep it coming.

However, the farcical comedy stylings of the Washington Nationals pale in comparison to the tragi-comedy of the Chicago White Sox. Sure, they play in a mediocre division so they’re never really going to be out of it but they took a beating and a half yesterday afternoon. It all started when the Twins plated 20 runs to the Sox’ one and just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the always eloquent Ozzie Guillen’s managed to jinx the impending Jake Peavy trade. Let me refresh your memory. Following the loss Guillen said, “I hope Peavy didn’t watch the scoreboard today. He might say no.”

Well Ozzie, you sure nailed that one. Maybe Peavy watched the scoreboard and maybe he didn’t but either way, he won’t be suiting up in Chicago pinstripes anytime soon.

So that’s where we stand as May slowly draws to a close. But don’t worry, the Nationals are still out there and it’s only a matter of time before they manage to outdo themseleves once again. My guess? Teddy Roosevelt gets decapitated in the President’s Race on Kid’s Day at the ballpark. Once again ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Washington Nationals!

-A

Credits:
Thanks to SLK for the link to the Nats story.

The Filibuster

During the past week we watched the opening of two new multi-million
dollar stadiums in New York City and during this time MLB and the major
sports channels more or less ignored everything else going on around
the league. Was the opening of the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field
really such important news or was Heath Bell accurate in saying that
ESPN and other providers are completely focused on a few teams to the
detriment of the rest of the league?

— Allen
__________________________________________

Heath Bell.jpgPardon me for being a-holishly frank, dear readers, but I think it is pretty damn sad that it took Heath Bell (of all reinvented people) to bring the media’s obvious love affair with New York and Boston into the public domain.  Nothing against, Heath, who has now become my own personal savior for his ESPN remarks, but we here at RSBS as well as myriad Joe Six-Packs in sports bars galore all across Anytowns, US America, have been harping on this oh-so-blatant injustice for years now. 

Years.

Heath Bell said:

“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and
Yankees and Mets – and nobody else.  That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m
really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’  When Jake Peavy threw
8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third inning
and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”

True story, Heath.  True story.

Just for the record, regarding the two new ballparks in New York (one of which cost $1.5 billion) let me just say that I don’t remember there being such a fuss over the new Busch Stadium or PNC Park or even Nationals Park for that matter.

Yet all week long I have been bombarded with information I could care less about:

  • The first homerun in new Yankee Stadium.

  • The first multi-RBI game at CITI Field.

  • The first blab-hole jerkazoid kicked out of new Yankee Stadium for using foul language and fists to explain his innermost self-loathing while watching the Indians score 14 runs in one inning.

I don’t care. 

And I ain’t alone.

The good news is, Heath Bell’s voice was heard and ESPN reacted quickly by having him on Baseball Tonight.  Shortly after that, the once monopolizing baseball program introduced it’s 30 Team Ticker, which offers tidbits of information on all 30 teams at the bottom of the screen while the analysts blab on about how much they love the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.

But just like the leaderless GOP of 2008 desperately trying to reinvent its image after devastating the public by dropping the ball in New Orleans and Iraq while allowing the economy to collapse over and over again… it was just too little, too late.

Folks, we have a choice.  Join Al and I; heed Heath Bell’s call.

Switch to the MLB Network.  Enjoy equal coverage.  Play the RSBS Harold Reynolds drinking game.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy