Tagged: Jesus Hates the Cubs

New Year, Same sCrUBS

cubs-fan-crying.jpgSome of the names may have changed, but the bad contracts continue to pile up.  The Chicago Cubs off-season moves have made the Cardinals a much better team than the Cardinals could have made themselves; and the Cards haven’t done… well, anything really.

But watching the Cubs destroy themselves is nothing new.

And when trying to reassert my anti-Cubs passion during the long winter, I got an early charge from this recent Marlon Byrd signing.  Huzzah!  Hey, Chicago, whadya say?  The Cubs are gonna overpay for a centerfielder today!

And a right fielder (Fukudome)…and a left fielder (Soriano)…

Didn’t y’all learn anything about immediately signing a guy from Texas coming off a career year?  Nah.  Nevermind.

The Prince of New York paints a nice, self-destructive picture of the Cubs organization hinged on that Byrd deal; meanwhile, I’m beginning to believe Jim Hendry is employing the James Cameron school of thought by throwing a ton of money at something that is fundamentally underdeveloped, hoping it will be a hit (or be able to hit… a breaking ball, in particular, if you’re Alfonso Soriano).

The difference is: James Cameron threw a lot of money at some stuff that actually looks cool even if the story is sorta lacking.  I mean, I didn’t love Avatar, but I was certainly entertained by it.  One can’t say the same for what lines up to be another epic bust of a season for the sCrUBBIE dubbies. 

It’s 2010.

And Jesus hates them

Still.

Don’t hate me, ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

2009: A Year in Review (Pt I)

RSBS_Mlb.made.LOGO.jpgIt’s hard to know where to begin in a year that saw both halves of RSBS turn 30. 30? I was supposed to be a multi-millionaire by now. What happened with that?

But that doesn’t mean it was all bad. Jeff came to visit me in DC and we wound up with high roller seats at a Nationals game. Or should I say Natinals? And I also made it to Chicago to film the immediately iconic video, “Crush,” with Jeff. By the time October rolled around and the Tigers came within a game of making the playoffs, it felt like a pretty full year.

As Dickens said, “It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times.” And it sure was. The blog, just like our personal lives, had its fair share of ups and downs. Being the guy that he is, Jeff especially liked to catch people when they were down and give ’em one more kick, just to help them stay down. Don’t believe me? Ask Milton Bradley, Brad Lidge or the entire Cubs organization.

However, this is the time of year when we spend some time celebrating the ups. And what better way to celebrate than by breaking down my favorite Jeffery Lung authored posts in list format?

2nd Honorable Mention:

Blocked by Barry

Jeff loves the interwebs and this love led to many memorable moments brought to us by Google and Coco Crisp. But if there was one internet interlude that could be defined as the paragon, it had to have been when Jeff was blocked from Barry Zito’s Twitter account by…..Barry Zito!

Honorable Mention:

The Modern Era All-Corrupt Baseball-Politico Team

Although Chicago has never lacked political corruption scandals, Rod Blagojevich may have set a new standard for brazenness. Or maybe you thought he did until this year’s team of All-Star corrupt politicos was unveiled. Sure, he’s brazen. But is he Marion Barry brazen?

2nd Runner Up:

All-Starred Out

Moving from All-Corrupt to All-Star, RSBS was lucky enough this year to have a presence at the All-Star Game played in St. Louis. Jeff may not have come through on his bet to get a date with Erin Andrews but he more than made up for it in pictures. Especially pictures of his porn-stache.

1st Runner Up:

What Joe Carter Taught My Dad About His Son

Some people may question other people’s love of baseball. But after reading this entry, you’ll never question Jeff’s. Even if it does sometimes lead to weird quasi-international incidents, we now know that there’s one thing that can bring a boy and his father or Americans and Canadians together and his name is Joe Carter.

And the Winner is……:

RSBS TV: “Jesus Hates the Cubs”

Could it really have been anything else? The sheer audacity of suggesting that the messiah/prophet/best-selling author has it in for Chicago’s lovable losers re-cemented Jeff’s status as one of the pre-eminent Cubs haters in the country. And the fact that Jesus showed up for the shoot just proves the thesis.

So, that’s about it for another year here at RSBS. It’s cold now but pitchers and catchers will be reporting soon and we’ll be there to welcome them back.

A

Is It Christmas Yet?

jeff with his catalogue.jpgPreparations for the holiday season begin (for me) in June, when my epic 180 consecutive days of beer consumption starts to strengthen my tolerance for… eh… other people.  Crowds.  Yule tide blah blah blah.

But it never really feels like the holidays until my annual MLB.com catalogue arrives in the mail.  Just look at how happy it makes me!

Of course, there are a few things that seem a bit odd, a bit off, inside its pristine pages, so before I place it next to the toilet for future browsing, I would like to point out some of the highlights.

One of this year’s most interesting offerings is this official team patch by the Baltimore Orioles (p. 24):

baltimore orioles patch.jpgWait, did I say Baltimore Orioles?  I think I meant Baltimore Ravens.  But it says “Orioles”.  I don’t know.  Forget it.  I ain’t buyin’ it anyway.

Next, we focus on one of those must-have holiday treats!  Indeed, this thing will come in handy to shoo away all those annoying neighbor kids who keep lighting dog doo-doo on fire and ringing your doorbell.  Beware, the official MLB licensed “Forest Face” (p. 21):

tigers forest face.jpgYeah, that thing is pretty scary.  Naturally, the same effect can be achieved by simply hanging a Detroit Tigers cap in your bushes.  But whatevs…

Dear readers, not every publication is perfect.  Typos, misnomers, glitches… these things are pretty common when producing such a large body of work.  Like this picture, which is just all wrong (p. 5):

happy cub fan.jpgWhen was the last time you saw a Cubs fan with such a big smile on his face?

Exactly.

And just in case baby Jesus, Mom, Dad, Barack, Santa and the Easter Bunny are reading this, let me point out my own personal holy grail of a gift idea (p. 22):

World Series DVD.jpgBoom.

I’m sure we can find a stocking big enough for this to fit.  Or just give me a couple hundred bucks and I’ll buy the damn thing myself!

So that should be enough to get you in the holiday spirit, y’all!  Don’t hate me for that!  And don’t hate me ‘cuz I bear the curse of always being right.

Peace,

Jeff

Beyond Non Sequitur III

Yep.  This is totally out of left field, but I feel the need to share: this picture has been cracking me up for a good month now.  Every time I look at it I lose myself in uncontrollable laughter.  Can anyone tell me why?

tomb raider.jpg
Not sure if there’s any reason to hate me this time, so, y’know, don’t. 

And just in case you’re wondering: Yes, despite the cool, peaceful demeanor of the above holy man, dude still hates the Cubs.

Peace,

Jeff

(*Image courtesy of B3TA)

If the Cubs Were A Drunk Russian Dude…

Frankly, this ain’t no Jesus Hates the Cubs epic production, but as far as representing the Cubs’ hopes and dreams and far-fetched aspirations for the 2009 season, I concur that this is a pretty accurate video representation:

That guy probably thought “this is our year” too.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m mean, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff