Tagged: Joe Biden

The Filibuster

joe_biden.jpgYou guys are kind of crazy, so let me ask you, does it make any sense
when Biden says we “have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt”
as a nation? I figured you might understand that more than me since you
seem to have that politician air about you. I mean, Allen lost a bet to
Jeff like three or four weeks ago and still hasn’t paid up like he
promised.  Read my lips…

George
Wentzville, MO


__________________________________________

Not to go about this backwards but I need to address an important issue. Yes, it’s true that I have not yet written about my, uh, “love and respect” for the Cardinals nor have I posted the promised photo of myself wearing Cardinals paraphernalia. But, to be fair, I am dealing with some extenuating circumstances and the problem should be resolved in the next couple of weeks. Next couple of weeks, I promise. Read my lips.

As for Biden, well, he never really has been known for the ability to bite his tongue. I mean, you do remember what ended his presidential run, right? A little fuzzy on it? Maybe this will help:

Yeah, “clean” and “articulate.” So, when Biden makes a statement like this one, well, you kind of have to take it with a grain of salt.

But when I say a grain, I mean no more than that. The fact is, despite Biden’s hyperactive jaw muscles and his unique ability to completely mangle a message, there’s some truth in what he says.

During the Great Depression, government spending was what eventually led to us working our way back to productivity and higher employment. I’m not saying that we’re in quite the same fiscal predicament as 1929 but with unemployment heading to double digit figures nationally, something has to be done. As my grandma likes to say, “Idle hands are the devil’s playground,” and there are no hands that are more idle than a bunch of twenty-something, straight out of college, over educated and underemployed vagabonds. Or twenty-something, never been to college, undereducated and no longer employed vagabonds for that matter.

Biden does not have the same golden throat as the president and no one is ever going to accuse him of being smooth. But, despite those seeming faults, he does have one thing going for him and I’m pretty sure it’s the reason Obama chose him as vice-president. Biden says the stuff the rest of us think but will never say out loud. We may not like to hear it and it may not always sound right but someone eventually has to point out the truth about the emperor’s new clothes.

So, think about it this way, George. When you go out to your job tomorrow morning working on that new interstate spur near Kansas CIty, why do you think it is that your job exists? Who’s paying for that spur to be built? Looks like that spending is also keeping more than just the nation from going bankrupt.

-A

Obama Falls to GOP Pressure, Poses As Tusken Raider; Oh, Yeah, and US America Wins!

ann coulter rush limbaugh bobby jindal.jpgThough I cannot necessarily prove this theory in conventional form, as an honest human being with an affinity for disclosure, I assure you that I have good reason to believe both Republican juggernauts Ann “She-Devil” Coulter and Rush “Just Call Me Jabba” Limbaugh were hunched over their television sets last night vehemently rooting against Team USA, praying to their hypocritical conservative god that Team Puerto Rico would find a way to quell the dreams and aspirations of US Americans worldwide.

It didn’t work.

Jimmy Rollins and David Wright became the baseball versions of Barack Obama and Joe Biden — once bitter rivals who put aside their differences, bridged the gap and brought home a win when it mattered the most.

Get over it.

That goes for my colleague, Mr. Allen Krause as well.  Because we all know that Mr. Krause would rather see Rollins and Wright duke out that “choke-fest” moniker on the field — the last man standing to be crowned the argument’s winner; but if we US Americans are really about anything, we are about coming together in times of need, when it matters most.

Unless you are a Republican, of course.

And though Obama has done a fine job of staying the course early on in his presidency, it appears he finally gave in and enlightened the snickering skeptics and delinquent ditto-heads by unintentionally posing as a Tusken Raider for the cameras:

obama tusken raider.jpgTusken Raider.jpg
This unfortunate photographic gaffe comes on the heels of an equally embarrassing egregious error regarding the double-talk surrounding those suspiciously infuriating AIG bonuses paid out to the very individuals responsible for schmucking the company’s total worth in the first place.

Are the Dems backpedaling on their original outcries?

Probably.

Does this reflect poorly on the majority administration?

More harm than good, I would say.

Should we blindly follow the GOP sideshow leaders and trust that malcontent dissension is the social bonding agent of the future?

Hell no.

Rollins and Wright.  Braun and Lilly.  Jeter and Youk.

There is a time and place to battle it out, folks.  But when enemy minds come through together in the clutchThat, my friends, is what makes the United States of America the greatest country on earth.

Ah… If only politics would mirror baseball.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Debateulousness

20080928_bidenpalin.jpgIn the spirit of the times, I’d like to further explore the art of analogy by combining three apparently disparate notions into one explosive idea. As we all know by now, tonight brings us the first and only Vice Presidential debate of the season. And although both candidates were brought onto their respective teams for very specific reasons, they also both have an unerring knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

In many ways, the VP candidates mirror my own experiences as well as those of my friend and co-writer, Mr. Lung. You see, when it comes down to it, I’m Joe Biden and my friend is the very living, breathing embodiment of Sarah Palin.

Now, I know what you’re going to say. And yes, it’s true. Jeff is the cute one. But there’s more to life than that. There’s also style, substance and, of course, the swimsuit contest:

The situation becomes even more eery when you look at the similarities between the prospective VPs and the teams that Jeff and I support. Gov. Palin comes from a middle of nowhere town that no one really cares about and the same can be said of the Cardinals. Sen. Biden hails from a once great rust belt city (Scranton, PA) that, like Detroit (the team and the city), has fallen on hard times. The Cardinals deck themselves out in red, the color of the GOP, while the Tigers are happiest in blue, a Democratic color that really brings out Biden’s eyes.

The most important question we have to face, though, is whether this matchup will end up like the 2006 World Series where the Tigers’ gaffes cost them the Series (very possible when it comes to Biden) or is this like the 2007 and 2008 regular season when the Tigers manhandled the Cards (think Palin with Katie Couric)? There’s only one way to find out and that’s by tuning in at 9EDT tonight. Go Biden (Tigers, me)!

-A 

Bring It, Krause!

jim thome.jpgAsk anyone in my Southside Chicago neighborhood who they’re voting for this November and you might hear about a lot of Jim Thome/John Danks ticket write-ins.  For now.  While we all know how easily the magnanimous momentum of baseball can change, what we know for sure, at this exact moment in time, is that the Chicago White Sox are indeed the AL Central Champions.

So, EAT IT, Mr. Krause!

While you’re doing that… our dear RSBS readers would like to know the answers to the following:

What hurts more, Al?  The Sox winning the Central or your Tigers being puke-spitting awful and finishing in dead last?

What makes you cry more, Al?  The fact that I was right at the beginning of the season or the fact that I was right at the end of the season?

What keeps you up at night, Al?  Not being able to win an argument or not putting in the time to win an argument?

Wrap your head around those inquiries, Mr. Krause.  I understand that you may need a minute or a day, year, decade.  That’s fine.  By the time you’ve formulated your meticulous thoughts, I bet Sarah Palin will be writhing in her own talking points as she prepares to take on Senator Biden on Thursday night.

But hopefully, we’ll hear what you have to say by the time the Cubs drop their first game to the Dodgers.

It’s all in the timing, my man. 

So go ahead.  You’ve done it before.  Sure, go ahead and hate me, Al, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

I’ll Take “Dumb Things Gary Sheffield Says” for $200,  Alex

gary sheffield.jpgApparently Joe Biden and Cindy McCain aren’t the only people making absolutely asinine remarks these days.  The always colorful, oft offensive and seldom productive Gary Sheffield decided it had been long enough since his last foray into slanderous tongue slippage, so he enlightened us all over again when he offered his thoughts regarding the penalties he faces after last Friday’s brawl with the Cleveland Indians:

“You don’t take cheap shots, and that’s what happened. When I find out who it was, they are going to have to deal with me…”

And…

“I don’t care about what the league thinks or what they do.  I’ve got enough money to pay any fine they’ve got. Trust me.”

Nice work, Gary.  Real nice.  I don’t care about what the league thinks or what they do.  What a fine example of sportsmanship you offer the world with that universally positive statement.  Great job, Gary.  You’ve got enough money to pay any fine they got.  Yes.  I trust that indeed you do.  I also trust that you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank with that .223 batting average in tow.

Yes, that batting average sure is impressive, Gary.  In fact, it’s so impressive that I’m sure you’ll be getting tons of offers all over the league for extensive playing contracts for the rest of your life!  Gee, just think about all the money you’ll have then!  You might be the richest person in the whole wide world which would mean you don’t have to pay attention to any of the rules of baseball or life or anything because you’ll be the most important person who ever lived and the entire planet will revolve around you!  Yippee!

Here’s a hint from someone who still considers you a human being slightly worth a smidgen of thought: don’t invest with AIG or Lehman Brothers or whoever else.  Actually, you’ll probably be better off stashing it under your bed — you know, that great big bed that’s so expensive and so huge that you probably don’t even sleep on it because it’s made out of gold and kitty whiskers and other things that are soft, shiny and/or very expensive. 

No one knows how to alienate the little guy (‘little guy’ = we regular US American joes) like the paragon of verbal ineptitude otherwise known as Mr. Gary Sheffield.

Go ahead.  Hate him.  He deserves it.

You can hate me too, but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Biden Time

joe biden.jpgIt’s official.  Joe Biden will be Barack Obama’s running mate for the 2008 presidential election.  I’m okay with it.  Really.  I am.

I only hope that this duo will be reminiscent of the one-two punch of Schilling and Johnson who took it all the way in 2001.

I only hope that this duo will look more like Gehrig and Ruth on the field rather than Gehrig and Ruth off the field. 

I only hope that this duo has enough to beat the critics and become the mighty force that Big Papi and Manny Ramirez became in Boston.

manny and david ortiz.jpgWill Biden being Biden become the hottest new catchphrase of 2008?  While my hopes against that happening remain high, I would be a liar if I didn’t admit my anxiety that Biden may demand a trade at the very last minute.

Hold on to your seats, folks, dear readers, my fellow US Americans

We’re just gettin’ started.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy