In Memoriam. Hallelujah.
My favorite part of any award ceremony — be it the Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys or Tonys — is the part where they celebrate those who passed on into the good night. As we wind down this great baseball season, Setting the Mahmud has prepared its own In Memoriam of sorts, to remember those who are no longer with us whilst honoring some of TV’s greats!
Adam Dunn/Steve Landesberg
“Arrest the first naked guy you see with a dirty mouth.”
His fate is yet to be determined. One of the most consistent players EVER was anything but this year. I wish all the best for my large bat wielding friend. Hope he can Lazarus himself mightily next season. (Also, Barney Miller is one of the most underrated shows of all time). How is Abe Vigoda still kickin it and Steve Landesberg just kicked it??
Jorge Posada/Peter Falk
“Well, it’s better than a gallstone. Did ya ever have a gallstone ma’am?”
Surpassed defensively by Francisco Cervelli and out-hit by Russell Martin, this could very well be the end for Hip Hip Jorge!! And if it is, I think the YANKS will pull through. A $200 million payroll will do that for ya.
Miguel Tejada/Aaron Rowand/Bill Erwin
“What are those bums doing back there?! It’s like watching a couple hyenas going through the garbage!!”
Designated for assignment for these cats. Rowand probably bashed his head into a wall too many times and Tejada is well… probably 50.
Johan Santana/Tom Bosley
Marion Cunningham: Richie just hasn’t got the appetite that Chuck has.
Howard Cunningham: Marion, Argentina hasn’t got the appetite that Chuck has.
A personal favorite of mine. His fantastic slider was a thing of GLORIOUSNESS.
And now, please enjoy the fine work of the Canadian Tenors! (Jeff Buckley won’t mind. Trust me.) Oh, and tip one out for Uncle Frank.
Follow Johanna on Twitter!
There are two taxing and equally debilitating activities that I force myself to partake in, every… single… day. I swallow a big@$$ horse-pill that’s supposed to make my cartilage stronger; and I read all of the headlines on The Drudge Report.
If I had time, I would also stick rusty needles under each of my fingernails.
Why do I do these things? I take the horse-pill ‘cuz it comes highly recommended by my doctor, and my doctor is a smart dude (he hates the Cubs, man!).
And I check in with The Drudge Report because it’s important to know what the “other” side is thinking, how they’re scheming, how they’re fear mongering and how they’re faring in other popular GOP pastimes. But mostly I just like to laugh at how Drudge turns a headline like “Wall Street Baffled by Slowing Economy” into “WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF A GREAT, GREAT DEPRESSION”.
Indeed, I tip my cap for his savvy, but I wave my finger at his twisted incitations.
And to put things in perspective, I instructed the RSBS interns to take three recent MLB headlines and hand them over to Matt Drudge, just to see what would happen.
Here’s what we got:
– – –
Original Headline:”White Sox enjoy another sweep at Fenway”
Headline on Drudge: “SHOW ME ALEXEI RAMIREZ’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE DAMMIT!!!”
– – –
Original Headline: “Holliday, McClellan both land on Cards’ DL”
Headline on Drudge: “HOLLIDAY NEVER F$&*ING TOUCHED HOME, HE NEVER TOUCHED IT, HE NEVER TOUCHED IT, I CALL DO-OVER!!!”
– – –
Original Headline: “Swisher’s Swat Solidifes Sweep for Yankees”
Headline on Drudge: “OMG JORGE POSADA SUCKS, THE BRONX IS BURNING AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”
– – –
Hate me ‘cuz I got the connections to make it happen, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right!
The learning curve on being a Yankees fan isn’t nearly as forgiving as one might expect given the Evil Empire’s age old stranglehold on professional sports fandom. I’m a smart guy; but even I am having a hard time understanding it all:
“We friggin’ HATE A.J. Burnett!”
“We friggin’ LOVE A.J. Burnett!”
“WHO the friggin’ frig is A.J. Burnett!?!?”
But don’t let lightning fast fluttering allegiances get ya down, especially if you’re a bandwagoneer. As long as you remember the basics (i.e. Jeter is GOD; Mo will kill you in your sleep and not break a sweat; Posada is a defense-challenged commodity) then you shouldn’t have any troubles navigating through the Yankees’ world of privileged self-righteousness.
Of course, there’s one more thing you should know: once you go there… you can never go back. You can never unsee. Never unfeel.
When Mark Teixeira went down with his injury the other night, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking…
It has been well over a month since I first saw this doctored picture of Derek Jeter in a Red Sox uni, created and posted by Homer at We’re Talkin’ Homer, Blue Jays and MLB; but the damaging affects continue to haunt me today.
And I don’t even like the Yankees.
I know Brian Cashman is staying true to his hardline of not negotiating contracts during the season, but as long as Jeter isn’t guaranteed to be a Pinstriper next year, I am going to have to go to sleep each night knowing that the possibility he will be something else in 2011 still exists…
…and for a baseball purist like myself (bring back the wool uniforms, please) that is just unacceptable.
He’s Derek Friggin’ Jeter, Mr. Cashman. Not Posada. Not Mo. Jeter. The dude walks on water… and uses TWO HANDS!
So go ahead and hate me ‘cuz I appear to empathize with Yankees fans (in this situation and this situation only); just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Because I am.